Victims and Martyrs

Victims and Martyrs

I’m going to put some tough talk out here today. We need to come to this topic with an open mind, open hearts. It will require that we let go a lot of old beliefs that have been harming us, holding us back for a long time. We deserve better.

Is someone out there making your life miserable? Are they causing you pain or trouble? Are you cut by their words or actions? Is someone making you feel scared or mad or guilty?

Are you spending your days doing tasks you hate? Does it seem like chores you resent having to do all you spend your time on? Are people constantly taking advantage of your good nature, and never appreciating you?

When we answer any of those questions with a yes, we are choosing to be victims and martyrs. This efficiently cuts us off from our divinity, our natural life.

When I choose to let you bully me I ignore my own power, my own responsibility for my well being, and I make you responsible for my happiness. So, if you are acting angry, I lose. If you are behaving in a passive-aggressive way, I lose. By choosing to let your behavior make me feel fear, guilt, or anger, I am choosing stuck.

When I decide that I have to do it all, that no one else does it right, or well enough, when I feel disappointed by my relationships, when I need to talk about how rotten everything is all the time, but do nothing to change it, I ignore my own power. By choosing to blame, complain, and feel trapped, I am choosing stuck.

I don’t know about you, but I am so sick of stuck.

How do I recognize my power? What makes me confident? How do I know I am strong?

As with so many things, a huge part of making my life better is choosing to change my way of looking at things. If I am a divine and infinite being, I have solutions. I have a sense of strength, confidence, and competence. I know I can make it through whatever. I feel supported, I have resources.

When I feel bad and it’s all your fault, I’m victimizing myself. When I do and do and do and am never feeling appreciated, I’m martyring myself. You can’t do this to me. You can be cruel to me, you can never even notice what I do, but I’m the one who ends up choosing to feel bad about that. Me.

It’s a bitter pill, to let go of blame. We like to blame. When they act poorly, we want to put the blame on them, and not take responsibility for how we feel. And so we are choosing stuck.

Why do I choose to be free? What makes me responsible? How am I competent to take care of me? Why do I feel compassion?

I want to feel clean, open, soft and flowing with my life. I want to learn my lessons, live with compassion, mindfulness, and freedom. I cannot do that when I think that it’s all your fault.

How have I changed from blaming to living in my own divinity?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 03202014

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