Living Hard to Living Easy

Living Hard to Living Easy

“Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.” I love that saying. I like it even better when I remember it appropriately.

One of my favorite goals is for easy. Easy, effortless, smooth. I have times like this, many more than I used to. I imagine that I will continue to have more and more.

One of the ways I have easy is by remembering that your topics, generally speaking, are not my topics. Sure wasn’t the case back when. Back when, I made your stuff waaay more important than mine, or me. I believed that I was responsible for your happiness, your comfort, and the fact that you were so unhappy was all my fault. I thought your bad behavior was my fault. Everything was my fault.

I’m serious. I know it sounds nuts, but that’s what I thought. And I wondered, way deep down, why you didn’t feel like that about me. I thought that was love.

I would wake up in the middle of the night worried about you. I could get so overwrought about your well-being that I would cry for ages. I thought that was love.

I would drop everything if I thought you might need me. Being needed was hugely important to me, all my self-esteem sat there. I mixed up being needed and being loved.

I believed that you would stop abusing me when X happened. That X changed a lot depending on how things were going. I believed that if I held you blameless enough, if I treated you well enough, If I forgave you enough, you would stop. I thought that was love.

That was not easy. It was also a great big pile of mislearning. The nice thing is that we can walk away from  a great big pile of mislearning like that and it will eventually fade away. I will also tell you that I got a lot of help unchoosing that mislearning.

Why can I relax? What makes things go my way? Why is it just so easy? How is my life effortless?

When I understand that I am responsible for me, and to you, things get easy. When I understand that I cannot make you do anything, and you cannot make me do anything, things get easy. When I understand that I filter my world based on my beliefs, and that I can change my beliefs, things get easy.

Back when, I had people say, “Wow, you sure live hard.” I thought it was a compliment. Now, I like easy. Easy is fundamental to our natural lives, right along with relaxed, peaceful, satisfied, content, blissful, creative, and connected. Easy is inside me. Easy is inside you, too. It’s just all covered up with old beliefs, outdated notions, expired ideas, that need to be cleaned up.

Why can I let go? What makes me surrender? Why do I trust life?

As I choose to become a grownup, I choose to let go of all that old, useless stuff. I choose to take responsibility for my own well being, and be responsible to you. I choose to let go of worrying about how stuff will turn out, and trust that I will manage well. I choose to relax. I choose to go to peace. I choose easy.

How have I changed from choosing hard to choosing easy?