Tell Me Your Tale

Tell Me Your Tale

Why do I engage? Oh ho ho! What a powerful question that was for me because I didn’t, or only did reluctantly for so very long. What I wanted, what I thought I wanted, was to be invisible to you. What I believed was that if you got a chance, you hurt me. Sorry about that. I had some serious trust issues. I used to joke, ¨I love humanity, it’s people I can’t stand.” Poor little me.

As I chose to address my issues, or deal with the white hot mess that was my life, I found that I had to do some stuff. I had developed perseverance from staying in abusive relationships, so when it took me eight tries to find my best therapist, I could do that. I had developed courage from living in my terrifying life, so when I needed to do something like a leap of faith, I knew I had courage, even though I was scared to pieces.

Engaging. That was something I didn’t really get. What the heck does it mean to engage? How do I connect? How do I touch someone, and be touched by them?

For me, I had to let go of my fear of being seen for who I am. I had to find a way to sincerity. Holy moly! I needed help to get there. That, of course, meant that I had to be vulnerable to people instead of just seeming to be vulnerable! Wow! What a spooky notion. I had a group of friends who, for about five days, said, ¨I don’t believe you,¨ when they didn’t. Maybe it wasn’t that long, but it helped me to break my bad habit of saying what I thought you wanted to hear and saying what I meant instead. And not one of those people hurt me as I was being vulnerable with them.

Why do I engage? What makes me seek out connections? How do I see that we are alike?

As I have learned to engage, some really neat stuff has happened. I find that I have something in common with all sorts of people. I find that I want to hear your story, hear about how you see the world. I want to connect. Now, I like to find a way to engage with you quickly. I delight in finding our commonalities. I feel more human as let strangers touch my spirit, and I feel good about leaving a random interaction with both of us smiling.

When I engage, my world gets a little bit bigger. When I engage, my world gets a little bit sweeter. When you, a stranger, share a bit of yourself, I recognize the gift and feel honored by it. And then, when I have my down time, I am often overwhelmed by the amazingness that is now my life. I do enjoy feeling blissed out.

Sometimes I speak with you, sometimes we may share a smile, sometimes it is just a look that we share, It is that moment of sharing that makes the difference. When we engage, you will often share one of your gifts with me. Or a talent, or a skill. I love that! I love to know what you are good at!

What do I have to do to reap all these lovely benefits? Engage, be present, listen.

I engaged with the guards at the museum. They each gave us so much -- fun, inside stories about the installations, pointing out exhibits we might have missed, little flashes of their personal lives.

We want to connect, we want to engage with each other. We are one and that oneness likes to happen in our interactions. As we grow up, we find it easier to do, but for many of us, we have to practice.

How have I changed from isolating myself to choosing to engage?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2015 all rights reserved 07112015