The Sad Cowboy

The Sad Cowboy

Team player is a concept a lot of us have a hard time with. We have a lot of strong feelings about the phrase.

Some of us say that we aren’t team players; we are not joiners. We tend to introversion, preferring to work alone, play alone, and often live alone. How could I be a team player when I am a lone wolf?

Some of us say that we aren’t team players; we don’t support the mission or vision of the team.

Why would I be a team player? How do I play well with others? What makes me get along?

One of the features of being a person is that we live in communities. Some are sort of thrust upon us, like the city or town we live in, then the neighborhood we choose to live in, our families, our places of employment, the places where we hang out, so to speak, like church, or coffee shops, or gyms.

Now, I tend to think of myself as a bit of a non-conformist. I tend to think that I don’t much go along with the crowd. That’s true for many aspects of my life, but it does not serve me at work, for example.

I used to buck the system at my jobs. I didn’t feel any affinity for the overarching vision/mission statement we had, so I felt like an outsider. That’s kind of a crummy way to feel when you spend eight or more hours a day someplace. I tended to feel like I was better-than because I wasn’t being compliant, but I was also miserable, made trouble for myself, and had a pretty negative impact on my co-workers. I never felt supported and totally blamed them.

Why can I choose? How can I cooperate? What makes me feel like a contribution?

When I started to choose to be happy, I came up with my own mission statements, to support my co-workers, my friends, my family, and other communities. I changed my mindset to allow for them supporting me back. I made allowances for them, and began to accept the allowances they made for me.

I came to see that working with people for common goals isn’t being a sheep. Following the rules in the places I choose to be isn’t being a mindless drone.

It’s kind of like using good etiquette. We don’t chew with our mouths closed because some random authority figure told us to, we chew with our mouths closed so we aren’t blowing chunks of chewed food onto our plate, or your plate, or on you. Gross.

Etiquette, simple manners, make getting along easier. I like easy. Pretty much following the rules at work and in my other communities makes getting along easier.

When I am part of a community, and am feeling out of step, I need to take a look. Is it someplace I really want to be? If not, then I need to leave. If so, then maybe I need to look at how I am cooperating within the structures of the community. Am I bucking the system? Am I playing non-conformist cowboy? Do I need to relax out of my defiance?

How have I changed from being a sad lone wolf to enjoying cooperation?

© Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 11172014