SunAgape's Spot: choosing a path

Monday, November 03, 2014

I’ll Tell You What I Want, What I Really, Really Want

This topic has been showing up a lot around me lately, always a good cue to do a little writing. The card is one of my favorites, Why can I choose?

This act, the act of choice, is what makes the difference between a sucky life and a happy life.

I have been seeing articles claiming that positive thinking is bad. Seriously. That happiness is overrated. These articles seem to promote sour grapes, and they both have very interesting, and erroneous takes on both positivity and happiness.

Why can I choose? Why I can choose to be miserable, why I can choose to feel good?

Positive thinking is not daydreaming about the future. It is not pretending things are other than they are. It is not living in Cloud Cuckoo Land. Positive thinking is the difference between “I can’t” and “I can.” Positive thinking is relaxed. Positive thinking flows from gratitude and appreciation.

Happiness is not pie-in-the-sky thinking based on outside stuff, but rather it is connecting with our perfect selves deep inside and finding the peace and joy that are already there.

If I am miserable, I am not present, I am not aware, I am in my head thinking, “Things should be different,” but often not having any idea what different would even look like.

And there, as the saying goes, is the rub.

Dissatisfaction is often best friends with “I don’t know,” as in, “What would make me feel better?” “I don’t know.” “What would be more satisfying?” “I don’t know.” And so on.

That little phrase, I don’t know, is a killer. Thing is, we do know. Thing is, we have to take the time, care enough about our well being, to go looking for the answers. They are all there, inside us.

What do I want? What makes me feel good? How do I know what I desire? Why can I choose? Why do I choose?

In making the transition from miserable to happy, I had to choose a lot. I had to do a lot of soul searching. I had to make some challenging, life changing decisions. I chose to leave my entire community not once, but twice. I chose to change my life style. I had to choose to act, to impose some discipline on my life. These were not easy to do, but they were simple, and the impact they had on how I felt and how I behaved with my loved ones was huge.

I need to spend time thinking about what would make me feel better. As I am going through chemo, there are days when I am having a lot of distracting sensation. I have days when I am really tired. At the same time, I don’t have days when I can find nothing to appreciate, to be grateful for. Since this whole shebang started, I’ve had two bad days. That is by choice, and by action. One of the questions I ask on those days is “How do I feel good?” Then I inventory the parts of my body that feel fine. Why am I responsible for how I feel? How do I take responsibility for me? What makes me accountable?

By owning that I choose this or that, I give myself the power to change those choices to ones that support me. And when I am taking care of me, I am a better friend to you, too.

How have I changed from denying my choice to choosing to act on what I want?

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Unsticking the Stuck

I get curious when the same cards come up over and over. I figure that there is something I’m missing, an important piece I need to get. So when the awareness card came up again, I figure it’s time to take another think.

Awareness comes with its own set of questions. We shift from asking, “How can I do more?” to “How can I be more?” That’s kind of exciting, isn’t it, that question.

How can I be more?

We each have the same amount of time in a day. We each have a brain, talents, skills, creativity, insight, stuff we like to do. We live in the world, and we live lives where stuff happens. The point is, what do we do about that? Well, we also each have choices.

Why do I step up? How do I succeed? What makes me a leader?

When big stuff happens in our lives, we make choices. Sometimes, we choose a dark path. We may bail out. We may shut down, or act out with inappropriate behaviors. We may pretend nothing is going on and then, get sick, or have an accident, or even die rather than address this new thing.

On the other hand, sometimes, we step up. We see our new situation as an opportunity for growth and expansion. We do what we need to do to get more healthful energy, more efficiency, more effectiveness. We drop things that are less important, we change our relationships. We follow this new path to our new level, and find that we have more resources, skills, talents and enjoyment, love and support than we had before.

We do that with awareness. We do that with self-knowledge. We do that with support from people who love us and want us to be successful. We unchoose listening to those who talk smackchoo about us, or even to us, and we pay more attention to the loving voices, even if they are in our minds. We remember that we are living a new, more dynamic life, where we get to be more of who we are, and when we remember that we are divine infinite beings, well, that’s a lot of life.

For the people who follow their dreams, who achieve their goals, this is what we mean by a rags to riches story.

How do I feel when I wake up happy and excited for my day? How do I feel when I feel productive and satisfied?

When I make the choice to level up, I can expect that some old emo crap will come up. I will have to address my ego, who likes things the way they are, thank you very much. I will have to confront issues from my past, maybe around claiming my power, or what my responsibilities are, or what is expected of me. But I know that I am capable of handling those things. I have resources, I have courage, I have all the strength I need, and I know that when I’ve finished with that list, I will feel freer than ever before, I will have more energy, I will feel motivated, inspired and competent. And I will get to do more of what I love. I love it when I win.

How have I changed from feeling stuck and helpless to feeling present and empowered?