Faux Happiness

Faux Happiness

I am always amazed when, out of a deck of fifty-two cards, the same one shows up over and over, or the same two. I got the happiness card again today. This is good for me. If I want to say something new, I will have to dig a little deeper, scan a bit broader. I get to become a bit more intimate with happiness.

Why is it so easy to think of something to write on happiness? Why are my creative juices flowing? Why does writing on topics I love come easily to me now?

Et, voila. (Seriously, this stuff works.)

I do talk about happiness a lot. It was something I really, really wanted, and worked very hard to get. At the same time, it’s just a word.

Happiness.

Having grown up on Charlie Brown and Snoopy, I have a bunch of those “happiness is...” images in my head. Thing is, that’s all outside stuff, and I got the lesson over and over and over and over that I can feel a lot of things about outside stuff, but core happiness wasn’t one of ‘em.

So I will try to parse happiness into manageable chunks, and see what falls out.

I love to laugh. I like to spend lighthearted time with my friends. I practice laughter yoga, and so, if you were peeping, you might see me laughing my head off, all alone. But laughter isn’t happiness, I could laugh in the dark ages, too, and heaven knows I wasn’t happy back then.

I love to love. I love having people and critters in my life that fill my heart up. Something about how their well being matters to me, and I want to contribute to it. Something about how I feel like I am more, better because of how I respond to them. But loving can also bring feelings that are challenging and dark, so love isn’t happiness.

Likewise with being loved.

Feeling peaceful is part of it for me, and relaxed. So is self-love, enjoying what I do, feeling satisfied in my accomplishments. Finding places to be creative each day, to engage, be quiet, take some time to meditate, to play. Having something to be passionate about is also an aspect of happiness for me. Allowing life to flow, letting things be easy.

Happiness isn’t about being all smiley and jokey. We can be miserable, and still be like that. Happiness isn’t about being cheerful, whistling a little tune, or bouncing around. That’s all stuff we can fake.

Core happiness comes from feeling right about ourselves, what we are doing, and with whom. Core happiness comes from responding to our life-events as they unfold, rather than trying to control them, or fighting them.

Core happiness comes from letting ourselves be unconditional, but with healthy boundaries. (I know, it sounds like a contradiction but let it roll around for a bit. You’ll see what I mean.)

Core happiness comes from spending time living our natural lives.

How have I changed from faking happy to finding my way to the real thing?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 12032013

I Got Satisfaction

I Got Satisfaction

I love to feel satisfied. Satisfied that I’ve done my best, satisfied that it’s good enough. Satisfied that I’m a good person, satisfied with my work, my play, my relationships, satisfied with my qigong practice.

I do occasionally have to remember to let myself go there, to satisfied. I know you will find this surprising, but in the olden days, I was almost never satisfied.

I liked to chalk it up to high standards, but that’s a bunch of hooey.

It had to do with how unsatisfied I was with me.

I spent some time recently going through papers, including a bunch of my old journals. Oy. That poor child was not happy with herself. And hated her job, hated her relationships, not the people, but the relationship, hated hated hated. Nothing was right, good enough, fun enough.

It is very challenging to enjoy anything when we don’t like ourselves. “Why does everything suck?” is a really bad creative question a lot of us ask a lot.

When I don’t like me, I start at a disadvantage. I start out feeling bad, so then I filter for bad, and find it, and so you suck, and my commute sucks, or the vacuum cleaner doesn’t, and I am well off to having a bad day, which I will generously share with everyone I encounter.

Now, I understand that some people enjoy this. I found a quote I think belongs to Woody Allen, “I am happiest at my most miserable.” If you enjoy being miserable, then please, have at it. I will just stand over here. Quietly ignoring your miserable joy.

On the other hand, if you do not enjoy being miserable, change it. Do what you need to do to create the shift. When you start to feel better, amazing things happen. Food is better, fresh air is glorious. Sunshine is wonderful, and shade is a treat.

How have I changed from criticizing me to seeing my value?

As I come to recognize my own value, I start seeing the value in other stuff, including you. I see your good heart, I see your inherent kindness. I see how hard you try. I see your dedication. And I recognize that I can only see the tip of the iceberg, to coin the phrase.

I start to look for more stuff to value, things that are fun or enjoyable, places where I feel good. I start to release stuff that doesn’t feel good, isn’t fun, doesn’t seem valuable to me.

Suddenly, I like weather. It doesn’t seem to matter, I can find things to like about it. Yay, it’s hot! Hooray, it’s cold! Yippee, it’s sleeting!

Suddenly, when you ask me what I want, I know. Or I know how to go inside and find out.

Suddenly, I am hot to find all the silver linings I can, merrily re-framing all my old clouds.

Suddenly, I feel eager to enjoy whatever I may be doing. This is such a strnage change for me, to have nasty tasks and, not only do I not mind doing them, but I may find things about the doing that I actually enjoy.

Growing up is weird and fun.

How have I changed from finding fault to feeling satisfied?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 09132013