The Path of P

The Path of P

Inspiration is a wonderful thing. In the olden days, “inspire” meant to inhale. I love that image. It makes me feel like a good, deep inhale pulls life, liveliness all the way inside me, In turn, that liveliness, that inhale, feeds my creativity, and wonderful ideas burgeon with all the enthusiasm of spring.

On the other hand, if we are choosing the path of negativity, even the idea of feeling passionate about something feels exhausting.

When we are choosing the path of positivity, we can’t wait to share our favorite stuff with each other. The thought of it is energizing.

Hmm.

Why would I choose the path of negativity? Well, I woke up this morning feeling tired and somewhat disinclined to my activities for the day. That got me started on the Path of N. I started to think about all the things in my life that aren’t working. All the efforts that aren’t paying off. All the bad things. All of the ways I’m .... YUCK!

When we have had the habit of negativity, it’s relatively easy to slip into it. Happily, if we are practicing, it’s also relatively easy to slip out of again. We need to be aware of stepping down that path. We need to notice how we feel, how we are thinking, what we are saying. And when we notice it, we get to un-choose it.

In the dark ages, I thought I was more creative when I was in suffering mode. I thought that creativity was born from pain. I thought that I needed to be miserable to share my visions. I was wrong about a ton of other stuff, too.

Suffering is not the human condition. Choosing suffering is a human condition, and our job, should we decide to accept it, is to un-choose it. There are a million ways we have invented to do this. We call it lots of different things; Law of Attraction, Positive Psychology, Psychology of Well Being, to name a few.

We get there by making choices every day, by constructing a life brick by brick, built of things that make us happy; good food, exercise, and sleep, and otherwise taking care of our own self, good, balanced relationships, volunteering or care-giving, a spiritual life, activities that encourage “flow,” using our strengths, and being grateful.

When I choose these things, my feelings of depletion often disappear. My disinclination to my activities often disappears. Random little symptoms often vanish, and I frequently feel full of creativity, motivation, and a sense of fun.

I have had to change my worldview on more than one occasion. I expect that I will have to change it again and again as I move ahead on the Path of P. Each time I step off the Path of N, it gets a bit more overgrown, a bit more obscure. Each time I step onto the Path of P, it gets a little better paved, a little brighter, a little easier to find.

This is my choice. Every day, sometimes many times each day, to choose up instead of down, smile instead of frown, looking for the silver lining, not the clouds.

How do I find my way with joy?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 05132013

Spiritual Responder

Spiritual Responder

Who am I? Why am I here? If my life changes, am I still me? What makes me, me? What makes me feel connected to others? Do my actions matter? Do my beliefs matter? Do I make a difference?

Have you embarked on your spiritual journey? Make sure you pack your personal discovery flashlight, so you can shine your light into your dark corners. You might wanna bring some courage, and some self-forgiveness, too.

Here’s how I look at it.

You know the old saw, “Wherever you go, there you are.” one of my faves. Unless I am adept at astral projection, I bring my body everywhere with me. If the roof of my home were leaking, or the basement damp, or the lights dimmed every time I turned on the micro, or wind blew through the window casements, I’d probably do something about it. Yet so many of us ignore our bodies until they are screaming at us.

We ignore our hunger, or thirst, or fatigue. We ignore so much of the regular information it sends us, that when it sends us important stuff, we are in the habit of ignoring that, too. Often to our detriment.

Why do I listen to my body?

We have feelings, those emotion-thought loops that set our moods, direct our behavior.  When we let these rule our lives, we often behave in reprehensible ways. We do things that hurt others, that hurt ourselves. And we say, “That’s just how I am.”

Why do I care about my behavior?

We have situational patterns, events that happen over and over; getting fired, working for abusive people, having an accident when someone wants our help, the money fight at 9:30 on Sunday morning. We don’t wonder why that happens, we don’t look for the source of the pattern to change it, we may not even be aware that it is a pattern.

Why do I notice my patterns?

When I accept the responsibility of learning who I am, how I am, what I like, or dislike, how I have fun, what I’m good at, where I come from, and accept the responsibility of addressing my issues and topics, I accept the responsibility for my life. I am responsible for my happiness, my well being, my spiritual strength.

As I own my responsibilities for my life, it becomes easier and easier to let go of worry, guilt, struggle, and misery. It becomes easier and easier to relax into my natural life, to be present, to be aware, to behave mindfully.

It seems impossible, that taking more responsibility for my life would make it so much easier, but there you have it. Doing what seems impossible is often where real change happens.

How have I changed from ignoring my me to owning that I am the only one responsible for me?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 05122013

Growing Peaceful

Growing Peaceful

Early morning birdsong drifting through the open window on a cool, soft breeze. Baby leaves on the big tree are dancing in their spring green finery, dipping and bobbing to a complicated melody led by a cheery robin. I feel peaceful.

I often feel peaceful in heavy traffic, too. Imagine that.

As I have relaxed into my life, that peaceful feeling has grown up from the inside out. It has pushed out worry, and guilt, and that vague, anxious feeling. Most of the time, it’s right there.

At our core, we are all peaceful.

Little by little, or in big sweeping chunks, we bury it beneath negative  thoughts about the past, negative thoughts about the future. We have these thoughts, they, in turn, generate the physical response of emotions, and we do it over and over and the next thing we know, we are filled with anxieties and worry, even guilt over simply being.

At our core, we are all peaceful.

As I move into my present, the emo-frack falls away. When I am in the present moment, I am full of that experience. There is no room for indulging in the drama of fear of the future, or guilt about the past. When I am full of my present moment, I have a direct line to that nice feeling of peace at the core of me-all.

When I am having direct experience, fully in the moment, I am not labeling my experience, I am having it. I am not thinking about it, I am having it. I am free of the negative fantasy sisters, Worry, Guilt, and Anxiety. They cannot exist in the present moment.

When I notice that I’m in my head in those negative ways, I get into my body. My preference is to notice my feet, to feel them where they are; soles, toes, tops. I notice their temperature, and all the other sensations I can feel. When I am completely aware of my feet, I have stopped the negative fantasy sisters in their tracks.

Some people like to notice their backside in their chair, or their shoulders, or hands. Pick the part you like, it doesn’t matter. What matters is to distract your thoughts from all that negativity, to break the cycle.

My negative thoughts act like salt poured on the ground of my inner garden. How’s that for a metaphor? You gardeners know that you kill plants when you salt ‘em. And enough salt on the ground will stop things from growing at all.

Happily, negative thoughts can’t kill our perfect self, we can always return to it.

We are all peaceful at our core.

When I stop, let go, and soften, peace is right there. I don’t need to try for it, I just need to relax and be present.

How have I changed from creating drama to relaxing into my natural life?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 05112013

Keeping the Pet Hair Down

Keeping the Pet Hair Down

I drew the “Why is it so easy?” card this morning. Oh, I love that question. Easy is so easy. And so much of life being easy is about how we look at it.

When I come at my day feeling heavy, and see my activities looming before me as obligations, my day is hard, and endless. I get to the end of it feeling exhausted, and kind of sad.

I find that it often happens when I don’t take care of myself; under sleeping, skipping meals, running running running with no break. Frankly, that’s just being irresponsible.

I see that surprises some of you. How can being so super busy be irresponsible? It boils down to how we manage our resources.

You can’t drive a car without fuel in it. You can push it, or pull it, but you can’t drive it.

You can’t pour a delicious, refreshing beverage from an empty pitcher.

You can’t pick a sweet, juicy plum from a barren plum tree.

A dear friend taught me a precious lesson on this topic. She was a stay-at-home-mom. We were working on a project together, and I got to spend a lot of time in her lovely, cozy home. She vacuumed every day. She said that she had to in order to keep the pet hair down.

She got a job. She stopped vacuuming every day. Now she vacuums once a week or so.  She has to, to keep the pet hair down. (Changing her vacuuming habit gained her a couple hours each week.)

One way I live easy is I check in on my priorities. Only one thing can be top priority. It should be managing my internal resources. If I have no juice, I can’t share it with you. I mean, d’uh. The rest of my priorities need regular check-ins. Often something that I’m doing from habit can be eliminated. That can free up a lot of easy. And still keep the pet hair down.

One way I live easy is I manage my external resources. I make sure the car is taken care of so I can do stuff in it. I make sure I have the things that make me feel settled. For me, it’s toilet paper, kitty litter and cat food, and fruit.

One way I live easy is I manage my internal resources. I experience my emotions. I use Creative Questions. I have meditative and contemplative practices. I have friends whom I can tell anything, and do.

One way I live easy is my attitude. How do I feel when I live easy? When I am living easy, I feel relaxed, I feel happy, I feel productive. I want to do what I can to help you. I sleep deeply and peacefully. Easy is nice.

I have to give up some stuff to live easy. I have to give up worry. I have to give up guilt. I have to give up being a victim or a martyr. I have to give up stressing out about stuff. I have to give up beating myself up over stuff. A lot of sacrifices. But it’s worth it.

How have I changed from living hard to living easy?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 05102013

People is Just All Y’All

People is Just All Y’All

Back in the Before Times, I used to joke, albeit bitterly, “I like people, it’s the individuals I can’t stand.”

It was defensive dislike. I figured if I didn’t like you first, you’d never find out how awful I was. I was so afraid of you, of your negative moral judgements of me, afraid of your anger, your neediness, your capricious decisions that hurt me. I just did what I could to stay away.

Little by little, I came to see that you weren’t like that, I was wrong. Oh, how wonderful that was! I saw that you were loving, and kind, and took care of yourself, both your physical needs, and your emotional ones. You didn’t judge me, or punish me, or hurt me on a whim. In fact, you turned out to be really great!

And as I got used to the idea that you weren’t out to get me, I could start to see me more clearly, and I could start to change the things about me that I didn’t like. It meant that I could see you, not as a paragon, but as a person, a nice person I liked, who had  some stuff.

Everyone has stuff.

My job is to address my stuff and clear it out. I want my emotional basement to sparkle. I know that, because I’m human, I will always be shoving stuff down there, unopened boxes of fear or traumas, anger, that sort of thing, but I am also dealing with it regularly.

This may not be on your priority list, resolving your stuff, that is. and if not, you might want to reconsider your stand. On the other hand, you are reading this, so I think you want stuff to be better, you want your life to be better, more fun, more love, more satisfaction, and easier.

Creative Questions will help you do that. In fact, changing your thinking is the only thing that will do that, whatever technique you use. That’s how we change our behavior, both external, and internal.

I know, it’s kind of funny to think of having internal behavior. But we do. We have a bunch of relationships that just exist in our minds, and bodies. We have different “selves” who are giving us advice about everything, who say stuff like, “Don’t go into your emotional basement! It’s dangerous!”  Or, “You can do this! You are amazing! Go for it!”

Well, let’s push the metaphor a bit. You have a lovely home, beautiful yard, interesting, attractive things, but there is a horrible odor that permeates everything. Opening the windows doesn’t help. Air fresheners don’t touch it, and you never quite get use to it. It’s worse than cat pee.

It’s coming up from your emotional basement where things have been mouldering since your childhood.

Until we integrate and resolve our past, it will inform our everything, every thought, every belief, every feeling. It will create our present, and our future and we will be subject to it whether we like or no.

I don’t know about you, but I’d rather not live a stinky life. So I do what I need to. I have lots of tools available to me, and wonderful teachers and healers, loving friends who support me, and sacred spaces where I refresh. I know how to ask for help. I can say yes, and no. I can set boundaries, I can experience my emotions. I can change my thoughts and my behavior. I can live easy.

How have I changed from fearing people to recognizing that “people” is just you all?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 05092013

Rejuvenation Jubilations!

Rejuvenation Jubilations!

Last night I stayed up too late. I was out with a dear friend. We had a little dinner, did a little shopping, talked a lot. I feel refreshed, even though I had less sleep than usual for a school night.

Rejuvenating.

I love that word, rejuvenate. It means to make youthful. And, while I love my wisdom, and experience, I also love to feel youthful in my body, youthful in my spirit, youthful in my learning.

So that begs the question, “How do I rejuvenate?” “What refreshes my spirit?” “What makes me feel alive?”

The more time I spend in my natural life, the more rejuvenated I feel. I make better decisions, it’s easier to remember what’s important to me instead of getting caught up in stuff. And, the more rejuvenated I feel, the more time I spend in happiness, satisfaction, and peace.

Doing things we love can be rejuvenating. I love my meditation practice. I love my qigong and kungfu practices, my Chinese studies, and I love writing to you. I love to play with my pets; the cats and the snails. I love to make music, and to spend time with my besties. I also love to spend time in my own company.

That’s a nice list. It took me awhile to compile it. And when I go into those activities with awareness and relaxation, I have so much fun, and I come out the other side feeling refreshed.

You know I like old saws. This one seems appropriate: You can’t fill a cup from an empty pitcher.

So, my dear, the question is, how do you recharge your batteries? Do you have a hobby you love? Do you like to exercise and generate your endorphins that way? Spending time in nature, or gardening, maybe? Prayer and meditation?

There is a little bit of magic that I want you to throw into your hopper. It’s our turbocharged, this-changes-everything question: Why do I choose?

If I spend my time here daydreaming about being somewhere else, I split my energy between real here and imagined there. Being in two places at once makes me so tired.. When I choose to be here, my fatigue melts away.

If I think of what I’m doing as duty or obligation, where I have no choice, I become a victim. When I choose to be doing what I’m doing, my boredom evaporates.

When I succumb to glum, my spirit gets all gummed up and really heavy. I feel low, my energetic frequencies vibrate a low level, I feel crummy, and then crummier. When I choose to be positive, and light, everything gets easier.  

How have I changed from just doing to choosing my doings with intention and commitment?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 05082013

I Choose, I Commit, I Act

I Choose, I Commit, I Act

Quick! What’s something you are committed to? A happy home? Stellar job performance? Running a marathon? Ten million dollars in assets?

Or are you committed to a stressful home, poor job performance, not moving your body unless you must, and thousands of dollars in debt?

What? Why would anyone commit to that crappy stuff?

Well, let me lay some information on you.

One. We live the life we are committed to. I know, I look at some of the stuff in my life and wonder how anyone would be committed to that, but if it’s there, I am. Committed, I mean.

Two. Commitment is a kind of habit, and that means it is behavior, and that means we can change it. The thought has gone deeply unconscious for our bad commitments, and so we need to change the thought.

Three. If we don’t decide what we want, and commit to it, our unconscious mind will. I don’t know about you, but my unconscious mind is not altogether reliable in the “good decisions” department.

So I need to spend some time thinking about what I do want, and then try on committing to it. Sometimes I have ancient, moldering junk that gets in the way of my committing to what I want, so as I practice with “Why do I commit to X?” I may feel angry or scared.

Sometimes we bought scripts from our grownups when we were tiny, and now we regurgitate them and have a vague, but wrong, notion that they are our own. Relationships and money are two topics where this happens a lot.

Sometimes one of our grownups said something crushing, and often unintentional, to our baby-self, and we internalize it as truth. Art, music, dance, athletics, math, the Doing Stuff, often gets trashed in this way, and we totally commit to the idea that we can’t draw, sing, waltz, run, calculate, and so on.

Lies! Horrible, horrible lies! Creative Questions to the rescue!

We start with “Why do I commit to X?” If you have resistance, try “Why could/ would I commit to X?” And then support it with “Why else do I commit to X?” If you find an old, negative experience, integrate it, and continue.

Commitment is a super power. The question is simply, will we use our super powers for good or ill..

I choose, I commit, I act. This is how I create the life I want.  

How have I changed from letting my unconscious mind run the show to living a conscious life?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 05072013

Being a Wisenheimer

Being a Wisenheimer

Have you tapped into your wisdom? Have you found that place of brilliance within yourself?

You are so smart. You have learned so much as you’ve lived your life. You’ve learned how things work, how people think. You’ve learn about motivation and desire, you’ve learned facts, and how to draw conclusions. Oh, do you know stuff!

So often we forget to remember how much we know, how smart we are, how much wisdom we have. We hurry and rush and run around doing stuff and forget to stop and think about stuff.

Wisdom gets better with exercise.

What’s that you say? How do I exercise my wisdom?

The same way our bodies get strong with exercise, the same way we build physical endurance by using our bodies, we build our wisdom up by using it.

When we take time to consider things, to think about how we are doing, where we are at in our lives, in the world, we are exercising our wisdom.

When we take time to think about what we actually want to spend our time doing, what we want to accomplish, how we want to do it, we are exercising our wisdom.

When we think about why we may have made a certain choice, why we do a certain thing, we are exercising our wisdom.

When we take time to read stuff about theology or philosophy, to read on spiritual topics that interest us, but that also might challenge our beliefs a bit, or stretch our ideas a bit so that we need to consider them.

The same way a few minutes of focused exercise can make our bodies strong, it only takes a few minutes of exercising our wisdom each day to keep it sharp and useful.

Not only does that little bit of exercise keep our wisdom wise, but we also end up with some wonderful results:

By thinking about what we really want, we know what we really want. That puts us way ahead of the game.

By thinking about our beliefs, and challenging them, we experience our beliefs as more fluid, and can change them way more easily.

By considering the whys of our bad choices, our bad patterns and habits, by tracing them back to their inception, we can change them way more quickly and efficiently.

By practicing being wise, we have the path to infinite intelligence well worn, and that makes it easy to get to our wisdom whenever we need it.

How have I changed from distrusting what I know to owning my smarts?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 05062013

Bespoke Blessings and Tailor-Made Treasures

Bespoke Blessings and Tailor-Made Treasures

What if everything that is going on in your life right now were the most precious gifts the Universe could give you?

What if the most intense challenges you are facing were the Universe’s way of providing you with the opportunities you need to move into your natural life of satisfaction, joy, peace, and happiness?

Ow! Stop throwing stuff at me!

I don’t lie to you.

Each of us, every single day, is given bespoke chances to learn a lesson, let go an old something, find compassion for someone, change an old, unsupportive pattern.

My lesson is not your lesson, and so our challenges are different. Something that I may find really taxing could be super easy for you, and likewise back atcha. It is profoundly personal.

So, in addition to dealing with our challenging opportunities, we have two more things to do.

Thing one is to give some thought to the lesson we are meant to learn. It’s been my experience in life that the more intense the challenge, the deeper I have to look for the lesson, and the more rewarding the learning, or solution,  of it is.

Thing two is to feel gratitude for the gift of the lesson, the love of the Universe for providing it, and yourself for your brilliant mind that will untangle the learning at the core.

What’s that you say? Get grateful for the awful challenges I’m facing? Isn’t that kind of the like the schoolboy being caned saying, “Thank you, sir, may I have another?” Yeah, no. That poor child is being tortured by a cruel person. You are being gifted tailor-made treasure by the Universe.

You don’t have to believe me. I didn’t for a long time. And so my challenges were pointless, and the same kinds came back over and over. And each time the same challenge came back, I felt a little more defeated, a little more useless. That’s a wonderful thing about recognizing and acting on the gift:  Once you get the lesson, you don’t have to do it again.

Now, that’s something to be grateful for.

So how do I find the lessons? I look for the patterns. Are they issues of respect? Boundaries? Perhaps it’s about deserving, or not deserving. Perhaps the lesson is about abuse, or neglect. All the answers you need are inside you.

All the answers are inside you.

As we remember more and more that each occurrence in our life is an opportunity to step deeper into our natural life, as we remember to feel gratitude for each opportunity, as we clear out our emotional basements of old, useless habits and patterns, ideas, beliefs, thoughts, and behaviors, our lives get nicer, easier, softer, more rewarding. It’s easier for us to take excellent care of ourselves, and excellent care of each other. That gives us all more juice to be excellenter and excellenter and the next thing you know, we have changed the world.

How have I changed from ignoring the lessons to being grateful and valuing each one?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 05052013

Emotional Alchemy

Emotional Alchemy

Have you discovered the six words of power than can change how you feel in an instant? Have you started to use them, practice time? The words that can shift you out from a funk and into emotional sunshine?

“How do I feel when I...?”

This is the Creative Question form that works directly on our feelings, helping us to change our feelings as easily as we change our socks.

It’s emotional alchemy.

How do I feel when I am happy? How do I feel when I feel creative? How do I feel when I feel peaceful?

How do I feel when I choose?

That one is the Queen of the Questions. That one is the heart of it all. Choice. When I claim my power of choice, my life begins to transform from a place of fear, and worry, and anger, and suffering, into My Life, where I am responsible for what comes in, what goes out, how I feel, how I act.

Using the “How do I feel” questions is simple. Ask them anytime. And for even more effectiveness, prepare a bit:

Take a moment to center yourself, relax your body, and take a deep breath. Notice how you feel.

Ask your question.

Notice how you feel different.

Repeat, if need be.

The sneaky truth is that we are choosing all the time. Either we, our conscious, aware selves, are choosing, or our unconscious, reactive, habit selves are choosing.  Wanna guess which self is making better choices?

Choosing to choose is an act of empowerment. Choosing to choose over and over makes it easier each time. Like practicing scales to play beautiful music, choosing to choose, and then choosing means that I am in charge of my life. Making my choices makes it clear that I am responsible for me, and it makes me respect my choices. It makes me take them more seriously.

Whether I own it, I am making all the choices in my life. Whether I own it, only I am responsible for my life, and my choices. Whether I own it, I am the source of my own happiness and well being.

I may as well own it.

How have I changed from ignoring that I choose to making my best choices with care and love?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 05042013

The Little Man Who Told Me the Truth

The Little Man Who Told Me the Truth

Back in the Dark Ages, as I was working to emerge, I found a silver ear cuff in the shape of a tiny man. My quip was that he told me the truth, whispered it into my ear. I had to be quiet enough to hear him.

The funny thing was that it worked. Wearing that little piece of jewelry really helped me notice what I was doing, how I was behaving, and what I was both saying and thinking. Wanting to shed my coat of misery so much really helped, too.

Becoming self-aware is one of the first steps to a happy life. If I don’t know me, how I act, what I think, how I feel, how can I change it?

On the one hand, I am perfection in this moment.

On the other hand, there is always room for improvement.

Back in the Dark Ages, I hated me. And I somehow knew that as long as I hated me, until I could find a way to love me unconditionally, I would never find my way.

By wearing the little man who told me the truth, I had a constant reminder to notice my stuff. Curiously, by noticing how I was behaving, I set up a social relationship with myself. And that helped me to start seeing you, not as an obstacle to my happiness, or an annoyance, or a drain, but as a person, who also had stuff.

Seeing you as a person grew my compassion. I found that as my compassion expanded, I had enough for you, for them, and some left over for me. That made me cry for a few months.

And what a different kind of crying that was. I was used to crying because I felt sorry for myself, I felt like a victim, I felt like a martyr. I cried because I was scared or worried, or mad. And I would emerge feeling swollen and drained; kind of like a snotty tissue.

When I cried from compassion for myself, I emerged refreshed, energized, surprisingly unswollen, and feeling clean. Wow.

Someone in my life used to say to me a lot, “Can you hear yourself?” She always said it with a modicum of disbelief, as though she couldn't believe her ears. So I listened more closely to what I said. Oy. How embarrassing to hear me.

So I listen. And as I’ve gotten better at it, I can often hear what I’m thinking of saying before I say it, and can shut up instead. I think it’s a fine skill, and it certainly keeps me out of trouble.

Opening my heart to include me. Structuring my life from a place where I matter as much as you do. Treating me and you with respect. Giving up guilt and worry. Letting go of fear when I find it, anger, too. Coming to love myself, my whole self, with my character flaws, all my other stuff, has been liberating. Loving me the way I love you means a lot of stuff just falls away. It makes room for my natural life of joy and peace, satisfaction and prosperity to blossom and thrive.

How have I changed from being disgusted by me to loving myself without conditions?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 05032013

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Straddling the Judgment Wall

Straddling the Judgment Wall

Contemplating, as is my wont, in my sacred porch space, I noticed that the people with whom I interact on a regular basis all inspire me to something. Some inspire me to do what they do, some inspire me not to do what they do. The best ones inspire me to do what I need to do.

So I found myself thinking about how we inspire. I think that, in general, I do well on the plus side, but I also know where my shortcomings lie, and hope that I inspire the other way on those,too, by my bad examples.

It amuses me so much to think about this, because for a very long time, I had no sense of having any impact on anyone, ever.

But we do. Each one of us. You, me, them. We are all seen in all our interactions, and, because we are human, we are judged. I know, I know, but we are being judged, and, of course, we are judging, too, even if we are practicing compassion diligently.

And, as usual, we have a bunch of choices we can make around this topic, on both sides of the judge. We can judge, as in assessing, and be neutral, or compassionate, or we can “be judgmental,” where we get a kick out of making negative moral assessments based on an assumption that we are “better than” the one we are judging.

With the ones we feel closest to, we often come closer to unconditional love, and yet, still we judge, which is often where our fights come from. In fact, in some cases, that negative moral judgement, NMJ, is worse with our family because we feel comfortable with them, so we let down our bad-behavior hair, and lay into them about all sorts of stuff, much of which is simply the trigger for a rerun of arguments that may well have been mouthed by our parents, and their parents, arguments we learned by rote as kids, and are now teaching to our kids.

The trick is that, while we need discernment to function in the world, we have to be mindful of staying on this side of the Judgement Wall. Discernment keeps us safe, it finds us loving friends, good jobs, supportive communities. Developing our ability to discern whether something will suit us is worth the time.

Meanwhile, I realized that I had to own my negative moral judgmentalness. That was challenging, especially since I had people around me who made expressing that really fun, like gossiping. As I have let go of those people, I find it much easier to stay away from that unsavory activity.

But I had to do more than just own it, I had to take responsibility for it. And that meant keeping my radar up for it, and when I notice it, transform it into something else. It’s gotten way more automatic, and I find myself feeling compassionate more and more of the time. I like that feeling a lot more.

I find it helpful to remember that I only perceive my world through my filters, so if I am doing the NMJ trip on you, it can only be through what is within me, and so it can actually inform me of other topics I might want to think about.

Meanwhile, back on the porch, I just gotta say, you inspire me in such lovely ways. I really appreciate your presence in my life.

How have I changed from judging you as wanting to feeling compassion and unconditional love?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 05022013

Surfing the Curl

Surfing the Curl

Here is one of those goofy truths. The more we try to control the uncontrollable, the crazier it gets.

Here is another one. Everybody’s got stuff. It may be emotional, or physical. Maybe it’s financial, or relationships, but everybody’s got something. Their stuff might seem like nothin’ to you, but it’s something to the person who has it. Everyone deserves compassion.

Here’s the third. The more you fight accepting the way things are, the more challenging things get.

To go with a poetical metaphor, life is vaster than the oceans, so how are you going to bottle that?

Obviously, we aren’t. We can’t. So what on earth are we going to do so we don’t end up all at sea?

To go with another poetical metaphor, we learn to surf. Ride that curl, baby! Hang ten! Life’s a beach!

You hear all the old saws all the time; choose your battles, don’t cry over spilled milk, don’t trouble trouble till trouble troubles you. I’m sure you have your favorites. (I like the “trouble trouble” one because it’s fun to say.)

I am not my circumstances. I am not my behavior. I am not my thoughts. I can choose to change my circumstances. I can choose to change my behavior. I can choose to change my thoughts. How do I choose to change?

I can try to control your behavior, especially if I want you to feel put down, incompetent, stupid, and resentful. I can rail at the gods, or at you, or at whatever, I can pitch a fit about how unfair stuff is, and otherwise carry on, which is good to get out, but it rarely changes stuff. And, depending on whom I’m having my fits at, can make stuff way worse.

When my life starts to feel chaotic, that’s my cue to stop for a few minutes, and sink into allowing what’s going on to be a part of my life. Si-i-i-nk into it. This is how it is, wanting it to be different is trying to bottle the sea. When I sink into it, I can float on top of it. Floating takes way less energy, so I can remember to breathe. So I can remember to be grateful, to find enjoyment, So I can deal with the situation from a place of peace.

This means I dump my worry, dump my guilt, dump my feelings of inadequacy, and find help if I need it, whatever kind of support that may be.

I own my responsibility. I may not be responsible for what’s going on, but I am responsible to address it, and help, if it’s in my life. Once I take that responsibility, once I accept what’s going on, I have power, not control, mind you, but power. Way better to my way of thinking because having power means I can get the help I need, the support I want, and live a life I love, regardless of the circumstances.

How have I changed from feeling like my life is drowning me to surfing the curl?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 05/01/2013