Straddling the Judgment Wall

Straddling the Judgment Wall

Contemplating, as is my wont, in my sacred porch space, I noticed that the people with whom I interact on a regular basis all inspire me to something. Some inspire me to do what they do, some inspire me not to do what they do. The best ones inspire me to do what I need to do.

So I found myself thinking about how we inspire. I think that, in general, I do well on the plus side, but I also know where my shortcomings lie, and hope that I inspire the other way on those,too, by my bad examples.

It amuses me so much to think about this, because for a very long time, I had no sense of having any impact on anyone, ever.

But we do. Each one of us. You, me, them. We are all seen in all our interactions, and, because we are human, we are judged. I know, I know, but we are being judged, and, of course, we are judging, too, even if we are practicing compassion diligently.

And, as usual, we have a bunch of choices we can make around this topic, on both sides of the judge. We can judge, as in assessing, and be neutral, or compassionate, or we can “be judgmental,” where we get a kick out of making negative moral assessments based on an assumption that we are “better than” the one we are judging.

With the ones we feel closest to, we often come closer to unconditional love, and yet, still we judge, which is often where our fights come from. In fact, in some cases, that negative moral judgement, NMJ, is worse with our family because we feel comfortable with them, so we let down our bad-behavior hair, and lay into them about all sorts of stuff, much of which is simply the trigger for a rerun of arguments that may well have been mouthed by our parents, and their parents, arguments we learned by rote as kids, and are now teaching to our kids.

The trick is that, while we need discernment to function in the world, we have to be mindful of staying on this side of the Judgement Wall. Discernment keeps us safe, it finds us loving friends, good jobs, supportive communities. Developing our ability to discern whether something will suit us is worth the time.

Meanwhile, I realized that I had to own my negative moral judgmentalness. That was challenging, especially since I had people around me who made expressing that really fun, like gossiping. As I have let go of those people, I find it much easier to stay away from that unsavory activity.

But I had to do more than just own it, I had to take responsibility for it. And that meant keeping my radar up for it, and when I notice it, transform it into something else. It’s gotten way more automatic, and I find myself feeling compassionate more and more of the time. I like that feeling a lot more.

I find it helpful to remember that I only perceive my world through my filters, so if I am doing the NMJ trip on you, it can only be through what is within me, and so it can actually inform me of other topics I might want to think about.

Meanwhile, back on the porch, I just gotta say, you inspire me in such lovely ways. I really appreciate your presence in my life.

How have I changed from judging you as wanting to feeling compassion and unconditional love?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 05022013