How to Stop Worrying

How to Stop Worrying

So here’s some interesting stuff to ponder. It’s difficult to feel compassion and guilt, compassion and worry, compassion and anger or fear at the same time.

It is impossible to let go and worry, or guilty, or angry, or scary. You can’t feel peaceful and worried at the same time.

There is nothing that worrying about it can’t make worse.

So what do you do? How do you break a nice, long habit of worry?

I have a little decision tree I use on the topic of Stuff That Comes Up.

1. Notice that I am worrying. (This is tricky. It is often such an ingrained habit that we are unaware that we are doing the worra-worra dance in our head.)

2. Can I do anything about it right now?

Yes: Do it now. No: Do something else.

Notice that the operative word is “do.” Stewing isn’t doing. A tricky thing about worrying is that it makes you feel like you are doing something, clever Worry! I suppose pacing and hand-wringing is kind of doing something, as is tossing and turning, but I guess I would rather talk a brisk walk, or read.

Meditation is useful in learning to feel peaceful instead of worried. Going for that state of deep relaxation (can’t feel relaxed and worried) helps a lot. So is learning to let your thoughts flow through, rather than thinkin’ on ‘em. Learning to pull back to peaceful the moment you notice a worry-think is worth practicing.

And practice on the small stuff to start. Some days it seems we worry as much about a hole in our sock as we do about paying the mortgage.

One thing I did a lot when I first started on breaking this habit was to think-sing. I would sing in my head song after song, or bits of song. Or I would recite poems, or other things I knew by heart. Something to give your thinker something to do. If I was really up against it, I would just count.

The same basic decision tree works on guilt, too.

1. Notice I am feeling guilty.

2. Is it guilt over something I did or guilt over just being?

A. Something I did:

I.  Make amends if possible and forgive myself. (That means no beating me up for having done it.)

II. If I can’t make amends, forgive myself anyway.

B. Just being.

I. This is existential guilt. Sometime we need to get help on this one. Worth it.

How have I changed from frettin’ to feeling peaceful compassion?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 05162013