Life Unscripted

Life Unscripted

I wonder if you have had this experience. Something is happening in your life that is big, and maybe kind of scary, and your response is, “Wow, this is really interesting!”

The first time that happened to me, I was so surprised.

For most of my life, I had been living with the belief that the more drama the better. The more I could wail and moan, the better. The worse, the better. (That’s funny; “the worse, the better. But it was kind of awful to live it.) I could turn a minor situation into a national disaster in three seconds. I used horrible creative questions, “How could this get any worse?” was a favorite.

I was exhausted. Drama may be entertaining, but it sucks the life right out of you. And I didn’t get this part until later; it’s also only entertaining for Drama Queens and Kings. The rest of the population just doesn’t get it. Kind of like lady mud wrestling.

Part of the equation for me was that I had my emotions clamped down really tight. You know the seven universal emotions; happy, sad, angry, scared, disgust, contempt, and surprise. I couldn’t have told you the emotion I was experiencing at the time if you’d given me a teleprompter and a dialog coach. But I could do drama, that was acting.

And then I decided I wanted more than anything to be happy. And then I found a wonderful teacher.

The more I aware I became of my emotions, the less I seemed to need the drama. The more I felt my way through my particular topics, the less I seemed to need the drama. The more I integrated my past experiences, the less I seemed to need the drama. The more time I spent in the present, the less I seemed to need the drama. Why am I genuine?

And. Lo, I found that I enjoyed life way more than I had enjoyed the drama. Life is amazing. Drama is always pretty much the same. Life is so varied, so lush. Drama runs the same pattern; a build-up to the crescendo, and then the collapse into a heap. Live is like driving in the mountains, you never know what lies ahead. It’s lavish, it’s extravagant abundant, bounteous,.

Why am I alive? Why do I choose life? What makes me curious? What enchants me?

When I am engaged in life, when I am present, whatever is happening is interesting. When I have clean emotions, all my emotions are enjoyable. When I refrain from practicing negative moral judging, life is so profound, and satisfying, and fun.

We, each of us, is trying our very best to do what we think is best. Except when we aren’t . Sometimes, I am committed to things that are really gross, or hard, or nasty. As I engage with my life, I can see these commitments more easily, let them go more easily, commit to what I really want way more easily.

I have found that, for me, when I can find a way to enjoy an experience, I will live it as fully as I can. I will step into it, open up to it, revel in it. It doesn’t have to be a “fun” situation, it can be walking home from the store. It can be sitting on my stairs holding my dislocated shoulder in my hand.

Which gives me the chance to use “Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death.”

How have I changed from dramatizing my life, to living the real thing?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 05212013