Surfing the Curl

Surfing the Curl

Here is one of those goofy truths. The more we try to control the uncontrollable, the crazier it gets.

Here is another one. Everybody’s got stuff. It may be emotional, or physical. Maybe it’s financial, or relationships, but everybody’s got something. Their stuff might seem like nothin’ to you, but it’s something to the person who has it. Everyone deserves compassion.

Here’s the third. The more you fight accepting the way things are, the more challenging things get.

To go with a poetical metaphor, life is vaster than the oceans, so how are you going to bottle that?

Obviously, we aren’t. We can’t. So what on earth are we going to do so we don’t end up all at sea?

To go with another poetical metaphor, we learn to surf. Ride that curl, baby! Hang ten! Life’s a beach!

You hear all the old saws all the time; choose your battles, don’t cry over spilled milk, don’t trouble trouble till trouble troubles you. I’m sure you have your favorites. (I like the “trouble trouble” one because it’s fun to say.)

I am not my circumstances. I am not my behavior. I am not my thoughts. I can choose to change my circumstances. I can choose to change my behavior. I can choose to change my thoughts. How do I choose to change?

I can try to control your behavior, especially if I want you to feel put down, incompetent, stupid, and resentful. I can rail at the gods, or at you, or at whatever, I can pitch a fit about how unfair stuff is, and otherwise carry on, which is good to get out, but it rarely changes stuff. And, depending on whom I’m having my fits at, can make stuff way worse.

When my life starts to feel chaotic, that’s my cue to stop for a few minutes, and sink into allowing what’s going on to be a part of my life. Si-i-i-nk into it. This is how it is, wanting it to be different is trying to bottle the sea. When I sink into it, I can float on top of it. Floating takes way less energy, so I can remember to breathe. So I can remember to be grateful, to find enjoyment, So I can deal with the situation from a place of peace.

This means I dump my worry, dump my guilt, dump my feelings of inadequacy, and find help if I need it, whatever kind of support that may be.

I own my responsibility. I may not be responsible for what’s going on, but I am responsible to address it, and help, if it’s in my life. Once I take that responsibility, once I accept what’s going on, I have power, not control, mind you, but power. Way better to my way of thinking because having power means I can get the help I need, the support I want, and live a life I love, regardless of the circumstances.

How have I changed from feeling like my life is drowning me to surfing the curl?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 05/01/2013