You Ol' Sofite

You Ol’ Softie

We all have stuff, big stuff, little stuff, stuff. We have current topics, we have history. We have old, well-established patterns that are so ingrained in us we don’t even notice them. We may even think that everyone feels like we do.

One of the ways we can uncover our hidden patterns is by talking with other people.

Why am I intimate? What makes me feel close? How do I connect?

As we talk about ourselves, as we disclose our thoughts, our feelings and beliefs, our loved ones may question what we believe. They may give us opportunities to question our ideas about how the world works. They may help us find ways to think about relationships, about people, about our own histories, that make way for us to feel more comfortable, happier, and to get along better.

Sometimes the stuff that comes up as we talk is scary or painful. Integrating these memories is one of the ways that we grow. As we address these topics, we develop resiliency. Our self-esteem grows stronger as we see what we have survived. We find our sense of personal power as we are able to let the past go, break those old, destructive patterns, and replace our mislearnings with wisdom, understanding, compassion, and self-respect. I needed a lot of help to do this, and I found that each time I needed a wonderful teacher, a wonderful teacher showed up.

Why do I like me? How do I know I am strong? Why do I choose to be vulnerable?

Choosing to be vulnerable is an interesting thing. I used to say that being vulnerable was like giving someone a pointy stick and telling them where to poke you to hurt the most. When I had friends who didn’t really like me, I would open up, and they would poke. Owie. I felt justified in thinking that people were basically cruel and self-serving.

I am so glad I was wrong about that.

I have had to leave a lot of relationships over the years for a lot of reasons. I have made a lot of new friendships with lovely people, who listen carefully when I tell them where to poke, then say, “You can keep that pointy stick, I don’t want it.” They treat me kindly, compassionately, and don’t poke.

When I am vulnerable with untrustworthy people I can get zapped. There are lots of trustworthy people out there, and one of the things we get to do is find them, and trust them.

When I find my trustworthy people, I don’t have to trust all at once. I don’t have to scare myself. I can take baby steps, and trust on my own timeline. I can practice trusting. Well, that’s what I did, anyway. Making that effort is worth it.

When I trust my trustworthy people, I can choose to be vulnerable with them. I can choose to disclose, I can choose to be soft, I can choose to be comforted. I can choose to receive help, and compassion, and let their love into my heart. As I do this, learning to receive, I can also choose to feel gratitude, and appreciation. I can choose to notice how nice my life is. I like that.

How have I changed from feeling distant and shut down to opening up to intimacy?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 07092014

It’s Just so Easy

It’s Just so Easy

I can. I can do this. I am competent and capable. How do I know I can do this? What makes me strong? Why am I tapped into the source?

We have so many things happen as we move through our lives. Some of those things just happen and we don’t have to do much. Other things call on us to dig deep and find resources we didn’t know we had. When we get that call, sometimes we meet it, sometimes we don’t.

One of the coolest things about becoming a grownup is that we find resources. We find external resources to help us, or support us, or comfort us. Our ability to find these resources improves, our ability to receive improves, our ability to share improves. And next thing you know, our lives have juiced up and we are loving living.

Even more important than finding our external resources is finding our internal resources.

Why am I competent? How do I know I am capable? How have I changed from feeling overwhelmed to knowing I can? Why could it all be so easy?

As I start tapping into my internal resources, I find strength. Strength of character, emotional endurance, even physical stamina. At the same time, I find other resources that temper my strength. I find softness and vulnerability. I am tender, I am pliant and flexible. I find that within me is a core of peace and calm. When I am there, at the core, I can flow with my circumstances, flow with life.

Like floating down a river, flowing with my life isn’t effortful. It’s interesting, engaging, compelling. If I look, I can find elements of enjoyment everywhere. I can even enjoy “negative” emotions when I don’t have a lot of crap attached.

Why do I find enjoyment? What makes it fun for me? Why do I engage?

And that’s another thing that happens as I dig deep. I find that I can let go of my old past, my old emo crap, my old traumas. As I start living my natural life, I find that I like it, and want to do what I need to do the clean up my act, to change my destructive patterns, to heal.

Why do I choose to be well? Why do I look to my health? What uplifts me?

In yore’s days, I wanted to feel tough. I wanted to be impervious to emotional pain, shut it away, and not feel anything. I felt wounded all the time. You hurt me so much. The world hurt me so much, both of you whacking into me all the time. Except, you weren’t trying to hurt me, and the world was really just minding it’s own business. I wasn’t paying attention to where I was or what I was doing, I was so busy with my inside stuff.

How have I changed from being focused on my negative self to choosing to see the light?

Remarkably, I find that I don’t get hurt as easily. I am more aware, so I don’t walk into doors, or misstep, I don’t cut myself. I’m not covered in bruises I don’t remember getting, and I also don’t

suffer emotional hurts so easily. I don’t take things personally. I don’t feel like I’m a bad person when I make a mistake.

Choosing competent, choosing capable, choosing responsible doesn’t make my life harder, it makes it easier. Getting it done, letting go of my procrastination, makes it easier. Clearing out my crap, getting to my core, makes it easier.

How have I changed from believing it has to be hard to knowing it can all be just so easy?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 12132013