Stop the Dissing

Stop the Dissing

Why does liking myself matter? What difference does it make?

We’ve been talking a bit lately about the differences between clenched and relaxed.

When my body is clenched, I often have discomfort of varying degrees. My muscles might be tight. I might be holding my joints awkwardly, and my gait might be off, locked ankles, or knees, or hips, or feet or knees turned in or out,  causing long-term dysfunction. When my body is clenched, I could be causing myself systemic symptoms; digestion, circulation, lymphatic, nerves.

When my thoughts are clenched, I’m usually stuck in a bad thought loop where I can’t seem to stop myself thinking about something awful. This can be fretting about someone, or imagining horrible scenarios, negative fantasies of all sorts. It can be replaying a bad scene we’ve already lived through. It can be running our helpless and hopeless tapes in our heads until we can hardly move.

When my feelings are clenched, I’m stuck in anger, or fear, or grief, usually. I know I’m stuck when I feel like I am always pissed off, or scared, or crying a lot.

Sometimes my actions are clenched, when I get stuck in repeating a bad habit that hurts me. This can be a habit of action or inaction, of consumption, or movement, or lack thereof. It can be a habit of procrastination, or of

When I don’t like me, I am clenched. When I don’t like me, I never get a break from that clench, and that’s exhausting. It can wreak havoc on my sleep, and damage my relationships. I am usually very lonely, with a black hole inside.

When I don’t like me, I am practicing negative moral or emotional judgments. These will always have a nasty impact on me, and often on others as well. We have the gift of judgment, and when we refine that gift, we have a superpower. We use our judgment all the time to make good decisions about stuff, to decide what we want, how we want to direct the course of our lives.

When it comes to me, I am often hyper-judgmental, and then I say horribly cruel and shaming things to myself, things I most likely would never say to another person.  I get into the habit of verbally abusing myself, and can do it without even thinking about it. I will end up making strange decisions that are often not very good, since I am always feeling less than, I may be weird to you, or do wacky things to try to compensate.

Why can I choose? Why would I like me? How do I want to be with me?

Since I am with me all the time, I may as well choose to like me. When I connect with me, the black hole of loneliness vanishes. When I cease the constant self-trash-talk, I have room to find things I like about me.

I also know that you are amazing. You have your special gifts, your special ways, that make you interesting, and valuable. You have your good heart, your wisdom, your creativity, and desire to grow, all of which make you exceptional. The more you like you, the easier it is for us to connect, and that’s wonderful.

How have I changed from dissing me to feeling proud that I am who I am?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 06022014