Moving to Easy Street

Moving to Easy Street

Here’s a little “try this” for you. Clench your fists tight, so you feel it up your arms. Hold it, hold it... Now let the clench go.

Easy.

I don’t know about you, but I have a bunch of places where I still seem to run into the clench. Places, situations, circumstances where I seem to make it harder again and again. I still respond to the idea of certain people with a clench. There are even places in my personality that make me clench. When I notice I am doing that, I let go as best I can, and relax. I start asking Creative Questions on the topic.

Wellness appointments can be clench-y for many of us, especially if it involves treatments. I used to have a lot of challenging feelings about them. Now I start asking good Creative Questions several days ahead: Why is my appointment comfortable, easy, and fun? What makes my appointment a good experience? How do I allow and accept my procedure? Why do I release my tooth? Okay, that last one is really specific, but it meant that my extractions were easy, and healed fast with no discomfort. Amazing.

Easy.

I like to be on time for stuff, and I hate rushing, and so one of the Creative Questions I use a lot is, “Why is my timing perfect?” I don’t always arrive on time, as I prefer, but it seems like when I am tardy, it works out.

I have also composed some Creative Questions songs that I sing a lot. I think singing Creative Questions is amazing. They get into different part of our minds, activate different things. Singing them is a powerful act. Try it!

Why is it just so easy? Why can I trust? How do things go my way? (Did you sing those Creative Questions?)

Integrating easy wants practice. I love practicing easy on small things. If I am having clenchies about something coming up, I will ask my regular CQ with would or could in the question. I will imagine different ways the upcoming event could work out fantastic for me. Fantastic. It often does. Then, to continue integrating the experience, I will make sure I take time to appreciate that the experience was good. This is why we should always celebrate even our small successes, our tiny achievements. Practicing feeling good is necessary to get to our core. We often blow past this step. Please stop doing that and feel appreciation for things working out, for being so smart as to imagine the good rather than anticipating awful.

If I am doing a little house task, or work task and getting frustrated, I will stop, take a few deep calming breaths and ask my easy questions. Usually when I get back to the task, I find that the jar opens, the gunge come up, I can reach the item, I find the thing, I suddenly figure out a better way to do it.

The other thing I like to practice is relaxing all the way through. If I am in stressful times, practicing relaxing all the way really helps. I use meditation, qi gong, Unlimited Breath to help me get to soft. Regular practice means that when something big comes up I have resources. I like resources.

How have I changed from believing in hard to trusting in easy?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 07232014

Stop the Dissing

Stop the Dissing

Why does liking myself matter? What difference does it make?

We’ve been talking a bit lately about the differences between clenched and relaxed.

When my body is clenched, I often have discomfort of varying degrees. My muscles might be tight. I might be holding my joints awkwardly, and my gait might be off, locked ankles, or knees, or hips, or feet or knees turned in or out,  causing long-term dysfunction. When my body is clenched, I could be causing myself systemic symptoms; digestion, circulation, lymphatic, nerves.

When my thoughts are clenched, I’m usually stuck in a bad thought loop where I can’t seem to stop myself thinking about something awful. This can be fretting about someone, or imagining horrible scenarios, negative fantasies of all sorts. It can be replaying a bad scene we’ve already lived through. It can be running our helpless and hopeless tapes in our heads until we can hardly move.

When my feelings are clenched, I’m stuck in anger, or fear, or grief, usually. I know I’m stuck when I feel like I am always pissed off, or scared, or crying a lot.

Sometimes my actions are clenched, when I get stuck in repeating a bad habit that hurts me. This can be a habit of action or inaction, of consumption, or movement, or lack thereof. It can be a habit of procrastination, or of

When I don’t like me, I am clenched. When I don’t like me, I never get a break from that clench, and that’s exhausting. It can wreak havoc on my sleep, and damage my relationships. I am usually very lonely, with a black hole inside.

When I don’t like me, I am practicing negative moral or emotional judgments. These will always have a nasty impact on me, and often on others as well. We have the gift of judgment, and when we refine that gift, we have a superpower. We use our judgment all the time to make good decisions about stuff, to decide what we want, how we want to direct the course of our lives.

When it comes to me, I am often hyper-judgmental, and then I say horribly cruel and shaming things to myself, things I most likely would never say to another person.  I get into the habit of verbally abusing myself, and can do it without even thinking about it. I will end up making strange decisions that are often not very good, since I am always feeling less than, I may be weird to you, or do wacky things to try to compensate.

Why can I choose? Why would I like me? How do I want to be with me?

Since I am with me all the time, I may as well choose to like me. When I connect with me, the black hole of loneliness vanishes. When I cease the constant self-trash-talk, I have room to find things I like about me.

I also know that you are amazing. You have your special gifts, your special ways, that make you interesting, and valuable. You have your good heart, your wisdom, your creativity, and desire to grow, all of which make you exceptional. The more you like you, the easier it is for us to connect, and that’s wonderful.

How have I changed from dissing me to feeling proud that I am who I am?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 06022014

New Realities

New Realities

I drew the winner card this morning. I was thinking about the strong reactions that word gets when this card comes up. That started me thinking about our ideas of success, and that led me to the whole idea of activism.

An activist activates against something they don’t like. Do you see where this is going? In order to be an activist you have to be up against some kind of enemy.

Resisting. Fighting. On the side of right.

And, Houston, we have a problem. Because now we have taken sides. Now we have some bad thing over there, and in order to maintain our activist, resistance, fighting position, we have to maintain it, that bad thing.

Let’s say I like my position of good guy in the family, for instance. In order to stay the good guy, I have to have a bad guy. I like being the peace-keeper at work, that means I need to have unrest to make peaceful. I like to lead protest groups, we have to have stuff to protest. In order for me to fight injustice, I need to have injustice.

Are you feeling a little uncomfortable? I am.

Why can I see myself clearly? How to I choose my thoughts? What makes me relax?

So, on the one hand, I want to live in a peaceful, passionate, engaged world. On the other hand, by taking sides, and resisting, unconsciously, I have clenched up against stuff.

Consider the differences between “Wipe Out World Hunger” and “Plenty of Food for All.” “Fight Breast Cancer” and “Breast Wellness Everywhere.”

In my own life, I need to look at the roles I identify with. Do I have roles I play that require me to be against stuff? For example, if I see myself as a great advisor, I need you to have problems I can tell you how to fix. Oy. If I see myself as a protector of children, I need someone to be a threat to them. Oy. If I keep my home as a sanctuary, I need my outer world to be, uh, interesting. If I’m going to be a hero, I need you to have stuff I can rescue you from. Sorry.

So, unconsciously, I am facilitating this stuff in order that I can maintain these ideas about me. Talk about mislearnings. Wow.

A lot of it is semantics, like we saw in the slogans above. And consider the differences between “Why am I a peacemaker?” and “Why do I enjoy a peaceful environment?” “Why do I protect my children?” and “Why are we relaxed and comfy?”

Clenched to unclenched.

I am not saying that we don’t want to feed the world, or ensure clean water for all, or have peace on an earth where everyone is well. I am saying that activating is tight, and we do better when we are relaxed. Fighting is all about the clench, and peaceful is relaxed. Identifying our tensed up roles, and unchoosing them, and replacing them with a healthful environment makes me free.

How have I changed from fighting it to softening into a new reality?

(c) Pam Guthrie all rights reserved 02152014