New Realities

New Realities

I drew the winner card this morning. I was thinking about the strong reactions that word gets when this card comes up. That started me thinking about our ideas of success, and that led me to the whole idea of activism.

An activist activates against something they don’t like. Do you see where this is going? In order to be an activist you have to be up against some kind of enemy.

Resisting. Fighting. On the side of right.

And, Houston, we have a problem. Because now we have taken sides. Now we have some bad thing over there, and in order to maintain our activist, resistance, fighting position, we have to maintain it, that bad thing.

Let’s say I like my position of good guy in the family, for instance. In order to stay the good guy, I have to have a bad guy. I like being the peace-keeper at work, that means I need to have unrest to make peaceful. I like to lead protest groups, we have to have stuff to protest. In order for me to fight injustice, I need to have injustice.

Are you feeling a little uncomfortable? I am.

Why can I see myself clearly? How to I choose my thoughts? What makes me relax?

So, on the one hand, I want to live in a peaceful, passionate, engaged world. On the other hand, by taking sides, and resisting, unconsciously, I have clenched up against stuff.

Consider the differences between “Wipe Out World Hunger” and “Plenty of Food for All.” “Fight Breast Cancer” and “Breast Wellness Everywhere.”

In my own life, I need to look at the roles I identify with. Do I have roles I play that require me to be against stuff? For example, if I see myself as a great advisor, I need you to have problems I can tell you how to fix. Oy. If I see myself as a protector of children, I need someone to be a threat to them. Oy. If I keep my home as a sanctuary, I need my outer world to be, uh, interesting. If I’m going to be a hero, I need you to have stuff I can rescue you from. Sorry.

So, unconsciously, I am facilitating this stuff in order that I can maintain these ideas about me. Talk about mislearnings. Wow.

A lot of it is semantics, like we saw in the slogans above. And consider the differences between “Why am I a peacemaker?” and “Why do I enjoy a peaceful environment?” “Why do I protect my children?” and “Why are we relaxed and comfy?”

Clenched to unclenched.

I am not saying that we don’t want to feed the world, or ensure clean water for all, or have peace on an earth where everyone is well. I am saying that activating is tight, and we do better when we are relaxed. Fighting is all about the clench, and peaceful is relaxed. Identifying our tensed up roles, and unchoosing them, and replacing them with a healthful environment makes me free.

How have I changed from fighting it to softening into a new reality?

(c) Pam Guthrie all rights reserved 02152014

Them.

Them.

So, here’s an interesting question: What do you think of people? Not your friends, not your family, but that generic concept, “people?”

It is often the case that the way we feel about people will give us clues as to how we feel about ourselves, underneath.

If I think people basically suck, chances are good I think I suck, too. If I think people are basically decent, chances are, I think I am basically decent, too. It’s called projecting, and we do it a lot, and mostly it’s unconscious.

It’s amazing what happens inside us, outside us, that’s don’t notice. Amazing.

If I don’t know why I'm feeling this way, I’m having unconscious thoughts that are creating unconscious emotions that are producing feelings. Not knowing why I feel this way can make me feel crazy.

If I do something and I don’t know why I’m doing it, especially if I do it over and over, I’m having unconscious thoughts that result in actions. Not knowing what I’m thinking can make me feel crazy.

Until we decide to change it, most of what happens in our lives is unconscious. How’s that for freaky. Until we decide to start paying attention, we will react to the situations that occur, and often have no idea why.

Until we decide to be the one in charge of our lives, we may feel totally out of control. We may feel overwhelmed. We may feel inadequate to handle stuff. We may feel like we simply can’t do it. When we feel like that, we will often do stuff as a reaction, stuff that may feel bad, or hurt us or other people. Or we may hide ourselves away, or any number of other things.

When we change our mind and decide to be aware, we start noticing our thoughts. We notice our emotions, and our feelings. We notice what we are doing. We respond to situations rather than reacting. We choose, we decide, we act. We start feeling like we can deal. We start feeling like we can cope. We start feeling confident, and resourceful.

Sometimes, when we are in the middle of a new situation, we may not know how we feel or what we are thinking because so much new stuff is happening. That’s ok. Because we are usually aware, we have the resources we need to allow the new situation to work in our lives. We don’t need to freak out, we don’t need to shut down, we don’t need to get mad. We can relax a bit more,

It may be new, but I don’t have to worry. I can handle it. It may be new, but I don’t have to analyze it, I can let it flow. It may be new, but I can still relax, relax, relax. How do I know I can cope? What makes me competent? Why am I flexible?

When I choose to be aware, my feelings about “people” can change quite a lot. I may find that, as I come to like me more, I find more to like in “them.” My world can become a much softer place.

How have I changed from being clueless to choosing to know?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 12102013

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