College and Cancer

Cancer and College

Talking about our health is often as volatile as talking about religion or politics. Isn’t that interesting? I think so.  We get passionate about these things, with huge feelings, and no real way to prove we are right. Fascinating. It often seems that the more a belief cannot be proved, the more likely we are to defend it to crazy lengths.

I am right in there with everyone else; passionate about my beliefs. I try to look at them with the following measures, which I will share with you because that’s what I do.

I value integrity, enjoyment, clarity in communications, respect for us, kindness, soul-happiness and other stuff, not always in that order. In my interactions, I look for ways to relate to you, how we can connect, what makes each of us special, and encouraging our passions, all to the best of my ability.

I also value looking for the good in any situation.

Why am I positive? What makes me connect? Why do I engage?

I don’t usually talk about the specific things that are going on with me, but want to make a little exception and that is to let you know that I was given a diagnosis of cancer a few months back.

Now, it has seemed to me that cancer has a lot of really awful connotations attached to it. We tend to respond to it as a horrible thing, something dangerous, deadly, disconnecting us from the rest of the world, like it puts us in a really icky club. I decided that I didn’t want to go that way, and so I had some big work to do.

On the one hand, I had some big, emergency surgery. I am taking chemotherapy, I get really tired, and my routines are out the window. That kind of sucks. On the other hand, I have met some remarkable, dedicated, loving people who want to help me get past this. That’s really nice.

On the third hand, I am who I am. That means, I am always looking for the good, and, oh baby, I have found a lot of good in this situation. In all of this, I haven’t had a day that I didn’t feel ended up as a good day. Seriously.

I look for all the ways that I feel good. Most of me feels good. Because I don’t use pain language, I don’t engage my emotions in my physical experience. Since we use the same words to describe physical discomfort and emotional discomfort, we easily conflate the experiences, and talk about being in pain, and hurting when we might mean feeling a pulsing in a part of our body, or a constriction in our heart chakra. When we do that, we make each experience systemic.

I would rather use my Creative Questions to generate answers that support my well being, like, “Why do I enjoy radiant health?” rather than “Why am I suffering?” I would rather look at the amazing array of stuff that I am taking to shift back into radiant health as what I am doing today, rather than, O jeez, I am going to have to do this the rest of my life. Present and aware.

I am looking at the side effects of my treatments as interesting, unusual experiences, and appreciating them for the new insights I gain, the greater compassion, the higher wisdom rather than as nasty, annoying things that curtail what I want to do. I look at the change in my energy as a way to practice stillness, to value calm, to revel in my adaptability. And to make value judgments as to what I really want to be spending my time doing.

By looking at this experience with the same sort of eye as going through college, or traveling to another country, I am free to find the extraordinary in it. To enjoy myself, and to help you find ways to enjoy your particular sojourns.

How am I healthy? Why do I choose to feel good? What makes me find the gift?

How have I changed from feeling doomed to rejoicing in my liberation?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 08232014