The Bad Day

The Bad Day

Here is something you may find surprising about me. I have the occasional bad day. Even with all my useful tools, even with my Creative Questions, somedays I just sink. They are very rare, rather than my status quo, and I enjoy them enormously in retrospect, but when I am feeling crabby and pissed off, and my usual stuff isn’t effective, I just go with it. Kickin’ and cussin’, but allowing it to be.

That’s part of having a positive outlook.

They mostly seem to come up when I am in the beginning of something new. The sparkle has become normal, and the acceptance hasn’t quite arrived. Transition points.

Why am I positive? What makes me seek the good? How do I know this, too, shall pass?

Because I pay attention, I know that my feelings will slide around. In the olden days they slid from meh to terrible and back again. My worst day these days doesn’t even show up on that scale, but I still feel icky. Sometimes it’s all about how much I suck, sometimes it’s all about how stuff sucks, and sometimes I think you suck. Sometimes it’s a nasty blend of all three.

I am way more relaxed about them because I know they are few and far between. I know they will end. Not like when I was depressed, and felt like I had always been that way. Because I am relaxed about them, I ease up on me a bit. I may cuss like a sailor, but I avoid making any important decisions, I often withdraw a bit, and I try to lay low. They are good days for reading trashy novels, or watching stupid movies I can judge the heck out of. They are bad for haircuts.

How is this part of having a positive outlook, you might ask.

I rarely get one that lasts more than 30 hours. So I am very appreciative of my normal cheeriness when it finally passes. The stuff that isn’t working out is usually something I can resolve pretty easily when my mood improves, and you don’t really suck, so I enjoy enjoying you again.

Allowing a crappy day from time to time reminds me that I get to choose how I am most of the time. I get to choose my outlook, my feelings, my thoughts. Most of the time. And the more I practice being the way I like to be, the easier it is for me to get back to it. Even professional musicians have days when they can’t even manage scales well. The artist has days when she can’t paint for nuthin’, and the competent adult takes a hike.

Since we can’t get our oil changed, or reboot our systems, or bag up our insides and put ‘em in a dumpster, what we get is a bad day. When we let it flow, we release a lot of old stuff, we notice old patterns and habits, we get an idea about a new goal or a new motivation.

Why am I aware? What makes me choose? Why do I respect my process?

The occasional bad day helps us stay on track. Living there doesn’t. If I feel stuck in something like that, respecting myself means that I find a way to change it. I may shake up my routine, or establish a new one, find someone to talk to whom I trust and respect, and follow their advice, find a workshop to try a new technique of meditation, or thinking, or even a class in something I’ve wanted to try for a while. There are tons of options if I am willing to stop feeling bad.

How have I changed from living with a negative outlook to allowing my life to unfold in interesting ways?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 08272014