In The Flesh

I love my body. I love to dance it, to qi gong and yoga it. I love walking around in it, I love to sleep in it. I love to feed it, and pamper it, and dress it. I think it’s pretty cute. I like living here in it.

It sure didn’t used to be like that. Used to be I hated living in it. I saw my body as the source of a lot of my misery, pain, and suffering. I hurt it a lot, intentionally, and unintentionally. I blamed it for a lot of my woes. I demonized it. I sickened it with wretched thoughts, and ugly behavior.

I have been making up to it for a long time.

Why do I love my body? How does my body support me? What makes my body perfect?

You might find this attitude strange, especially with my recent adventures through the C. But here’s what I will tell you. I think about how most of my body has been doing it’s best to bring me back to full-on radiant health. I fully believe that radiant, abundant, lavish health is where we are meant to be, so I focus on that.

One of my most favorite sayings from 12 step groups is, “Misery is optional.” It reminds me that I choose the filters through which I see my life, through which I experience my body. I choose. I may be choosing unconsciously, but I am still choosing. I like to think that part of my job as a human being is to unchoose misery, to find other ways to filter my life experiences than through the misery filter. I’m getting pretty good at it. It is a much shorter path to joy from not-miserable, or happy, as I like to call it.

I like to think that one of our jobs as humans is to relieve suffering. Fundamental for me is to unchoose my own sense of suffering, and often my first source of suffering seems to be my body. By learning that I can unchoose my personal physical misery, I start to see that I can effect other change in my own life, I can impact my personal environment, and that makes ripples.

Bottom line is this. We have amazing power. We often don’t learn as children to harness our own superpowers, Unchoosing physical misery isn’t moving into denial. All it means is allowing the physical experience to be a part of our experience, not the whole show. The more I focus on my shoulder, or queasiness, or wacky foot sensations, the more I notice them until a relatively small part of my body is taking up most of my attention.

When I start paying more attention to my activities, my relationships, my enjoyments, than I do to my discomfort, things shift, my internal priorities change, my time seems more satisfying. I can do my qi gong practice to change my perspective, I can meditate, or practice yoga. Sometimes, I make a phone call and chat with one of my fascinating friends or family members. Sometimes, I read or knit or draw. And, sometimes I lie in it, and squishy it up between my toes, and wallow in feeling rotten. Yes, I do.

How do I enjoy my body? What makes my body just right? Why do I love being in my body?

I think it’s a fascinating thing that many of us don’t spend time in our bodies. Do you think of yourself as accident prone? That’s about being in your head. The word “mindfulness” gets tossed around a lot these days, It simply means being in your body. I had to learn how; Where are my feet? Where is my butt? How do I feel in my body?”

How have I changed from living in my head to loving my body?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2015 all rights reserved 03302015

Can I Get You Anything?

Can I Get You Anything?

I know something about you. I know that there are people in your life who matter to you. A lot. And I know that you do stuff to support them all the time. That’s because you are so sweet.

Being supportive is how we all are in our natural state. Why do I love to help? How do I support you? What makes me assist?

Sometimes stuff comes up and we get focused on our own big hairy topics and forget to remember that our lives are so much easier when we help each other. We may find ourselves saying no without thinking, or saying no because we think we can’t spare a minute.

That minute can make a huge difference in someone’s day. Like maybe even your own.

I’m not suggesting that you set aside your avalanche of paperwork issue to help me move, but I am suggesting that, when we are up to our eyeballs in a challenging thing, taking some time to help another person can often help us regain a perspective we may have lost.

Being supportive may be a simple matter of asking someone how they are and then paying attention to that person when they answer. It can be offering to pick something up when you go shopping, or reminding someone to slow down for a moment and breathe. Maybe it’s sitting next to someone and just being quiet with them. Maybe it’s a nice hug, or a little note or email to let them know you noticed. It often doesn’t take more than a couple minutes, but those minutes count for a lot.

It helps us stay mindful of our own selves.

What makes me choose awareness?

Sometimes, we can go the other way. Sometimes, I may have a big pile of ugly to do, and I don’t want to face it, so I get busy on you. On lots of you. I volunteer to be on too many committees, or take on too many outside tasks. I can’t take a nap, even though I’m exhausted, because I promised you that I would do this thing. It’s often not a crucial thing for you, but it gets me away from what would be better for me.

When I’m in this mode, I don’t feel good about what I’m doing, I feel like I should be doing more. Notice that red-flag word, “should.”

“Should” is a good marker. It often let’s us know that we have an idea about our behavior or feelings based on outside stuff.

I should be doing more. I should feel more compassionate. I should buckle down and do X.

It is a wonderfully concise way for us to beat ourselves up while we make ourselves feel more guilty, less productive, and other icky stuff.

When I am doing stuff for others to avoid my stuff, I don’t feel satisfied at the end of the day, or peaceful. I am often thinking about all the myriad stuff I didn’t do, for you, or for me, and fall asleep abusing myself for my failings.

When we are in our natural state, I support you in a hundred little ways, and you do the same for me. We help make each other’s stuff easier and nicer, soft and comfy. It adds to our sense of peace. I fall asleep happy and serene.

How have I changed from selfish behaviors to supporting you from my open heart?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 01232014

Fun With Awareness

Fun With Awareness

Today I drew the awareness card. What a good reminder. How useful it is to be aware, or present, or alert.

When I am aware, I don’t tend to walk into things, unless it’s something like an open doorway. I don’t tend to stub my toes or to run into stuff with my car (and there is still that loooong scrape on the fence where I park that reminds me.)

When I am aware, I tend to know right where my keys, cell phone, and purse are. When I am aware, I put them where they go.

It takes practice, well, it took me a lot of practice. I was so unaware of my world. I was up in my head, feet out of my feelings, deaf to the world, not seeing where I was going, either on the sidewalk or in my life.

I started practicing moving with more awareness by looking for coins on the sidewalk. On campus, where I was walking, there are a lot of coins. Don’t know why, there just are.

Before, I was walking with my head hung low; worrying, suffering, in pain, looking in at how bad I felt, how awful I was, rehearsing and rehearsing all that ick. Looking for coins made me look at what was outside me, and I stumbled less often. I liked that.

Little by little, I started to think about where my feet were, when I was walking, or working out, or sitting at my desk, or going to sleep. When I noticed where my feet where, I could get into my body. I noticed how I felt, not just hungry or cold, but emotions and feelings. It made it much easier to tell when I was right there, instead of looking in from some mysterious other place.

When I am not stuck in my head, thinking my horrible thoughts, I notice the beauty all around me. I see people being kind to each other. I am in the world, in the sunshine, in the rain, in the sleet, or wind. I find nature happening all around, birds arguing, squirrels dashing here and there, flowers pushing up within the cracks in the sidewalk. Why do I choose to  see?

When I am aware, my food has flavor, my coffee does, too. When I am aware, I remember to breathe, big, lavish breathes all the way in, all the way out. All the smells, all the tastes, all the sensations. What makes me present?

When I am aware, I notice where I need to soften, to lighten up, to be gentle. I notice, and stop awful thoughts. I notice and change bad behaviors. Why am I relaxed?

When I am aware, I see you. I see the little, sweet things you do. I see the kindness inside you, I see your heart. I hear you, I hear your words, and what you mean. I notice how diligently you work at making the world, and your community, your family and yourself the best they can be.

When I am aware, I naturally take good care all around. I sleep better, I eat better, I love movement, I enjoy my work, I savor my friendships more deeply.

Awareness brings me easily into my life. When I am present in my life, I can appreciate more, enjoy more, evolve more easily. Awareness is fun.

How have I changed from stumbling through my days to savoring the living of my life?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 09292013