Can I Get You Anything?

Can I Get You Anything?

I know something about you. I know that there are people in your life who matter to you. A lot. And I know that you do stuff to support them all the time. That’s because you are so sweet.

Being supportive is how we all are in our natural state. Why do I love to help? How do I support you? What makes me assist?

Sometimes stuff comes up and we get focused on our own big hairy topics and forget to remember that our lives are so much easier when we help each other. We may find ourselves saying no without thinking, or saying no because we think we can’t spare a minute.

That minute can make a huge difference in someone’s day. Like maybe even your own.

I’m not suggesting that you set aside your avalanche of paperwork issue to help me move, but I am suggesting that, when we are up to our eyeballs in a challenging thing, taking some time to help another person can often help us regain a perspective we may have lost.

Being supportive may be a simple matter of asking someone how they are and then paying attention to that person when they answer. It can be offering to pick something up when you go shopping, or reminding someone to slow down for a moment and breathe. Maybe it’s sitting next to someone and just being quiet with them. Maybe it’s a nice hug, or a little note or email to let them know you noticed. It often doesn’t take more than a couple minutes, but those minutes count for a lot.

It helps us stay mindful of our own selves.

What makes me choose awareness?

Sometimes, we can go the other way. Sometimes, I may have a big pile of ugly to do, and I don’t want to face it, so I get busy on you. On lots of you. I volunteer to be on too many committees, or take on too many outside tasks. I can’t take a nap, even though I’m exhausted, because I promised you that I would do this thing. It’s often not a crucial thing for you, but it gets me away from what would be better for me.

When I’m in this mode, I don’t feel good about what I’m doing, I feel like I should be doing more. Notice that red-flag word, “should.”

“Should” is a good marker. It often let’s us know that we have an idea about our behavior or feelings based on outside stuff.

I should be doing more. I should feel more compassionate. I should buckle down and do X.

It is a wonderfully concise way for us to beat ourselves up while we make ourselves feel more guilty, less productive, and other icky stuff.

When I am doing stuff for others to avoid my stuff, I don’t feel satisfied at the end of the day, or peaceful. I am often thinking about all the myriad stuff I didn’t do, for you, or for me, and fall asleep abusing myself for my failings.

When we are in our natural state, I support you in a hundred little ways, and you do the same for me. We help make each other’s stuff easier and nicer, soft and comfy. It adds to our sense of peace. I fall asleep happy and serene.

How have I changed from selfish behaviors to supporting you from my open heart?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 01232014