How have I changed from feeling crappy to feeling happy?
Losing the Win
Isn’t it interesting how certain words hit us? No word has inherent emotional weight, and yet we can imbue them with the power to disgust us, or inflame our passions, warm our heart cockles, or break those same hearts. I used to get kind of bent whenever I heard the phrase “you people.” We are so cute.
For some of us, the reaction is a resounding, “Hells, yeah! Whatever it takes, baby!” And with it comes the joy of triumph over others.
For some of us, the reaction is a shrinking away, “If I win, you lose” kind of thing. And with that comes a feeling of sorrow for the ones who didn’t come in first.
It’s all one thing when we are talking about a sporting event, game tournament, talent show, state fair gig, or grammar competition, but another thing altogether when we are talking about living in general. First prize is great, but our daily life isn’t a competition.
We all have our own personal dark ages. Since we are here, I assume yours are falling behind you, as mine have. One aspect of our own, personal age of enlightenment is that we no longer need to feel better than or worse than the other fella. That changes the whole concept of winning.
What makes me a winner? How am I victorious? How do I conquer?
When I spend time trying to beat you, outside of a normal contest, I start out the loser. If I try to put you down, or undermine you, or sabotage your efforts, I am the loser. If I try to manipulate others to side with me against you, or say rotten things behind your back to pump me up, well, you get the idea.
Nowadays, the way I see myself a winner is if at the end of the day I have lived my day in accord with my beliefs and values, the new ones that support me, and you, then I have won. Now, I am in competition with my former self for charge of me, my thoughts, my actions.
I admit, it is kind of a weird thought, being in competition with one’s self, but I find it kind of a useful thought. It helps me remember that I want to be, as Deepak Chopra says, a “pioneer of the future” rather than a “prisoner of the past.”
Why do I choose my new path? What makes me strive forward? Why do I welcome my growth?
When I remember to feel compassion for you instead of spending time thinking about what a jerk you were, I move forward. When I remember to treat me kindly when I misstep, instead of being self-abusive, I more forward. When I am generous with my abundance, I move forward.
Each time I notice an old behavior that doesn’t support me, and shift it out for one that does, I grow a bit. Each time I stop me from making a negative emotional judgment about you, I grow a bit. Each time I find and shed a fixed delusion, I grow a bit. Each time I allow a negative judgment from you roll off me, I grow a bit.
Why do I win? What makes me feel accomplished? How do I triumph?
As I start to practice this way of winning, I can ease up on me. That makes me relax a bit. Trying to beat you all the time is exhausting, so when I stop I get a lot of energy back. Now, I am relaxed and full of energy, and I can let go into my natural life, and how blissful is that.
How have I changed from needing to beat or be beaten to knowing I can best triumph over my former self?
(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 01192014
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