Stifle Yourself!

Stifle Yourself!

Today I drew the Innocent card. How do I feel when I feel innocent?

You do play with the “How do I feel when I feel X?” questions, right? They are crazy powerful. And you can often completely shift your internal state, how you feel, by taking the time to ask one of these questions, and then let the new feelings develop.

Archie Bunker, on American TV, used to admonish Edith, “Stifle yourself!” on a regular basis. How mean he was to her. The heartbreaking thing is that we do it to ourselves all the time. We do it through fear and anxiety, through worry or dread, through guilt about stuff we’ve done, and guilt about simply being and by focusing on what’s wrong rather than dealing with what’s wrong, and focusing on what’s right.

It sounds kinda dumb when we read the words like that, but it’s another thing altogether to live with it.

Of course, when we are in it, we are in it, and it’s hard to imagine ever not being in it. I know these feelings really well. All of them. I lived terrified for years, in such a pervasive way that I didn’t even know I was scared. Anxiety attacks were normal, worrying through the night was normal, and existential guilt was my very strange middle name.

I know what you go through regarding these feelings. Yuck.

Big, slow breathing, and Creative Questions, will help a lot. The breathing helps clear out the adrenalin whoosh, and the Creative Questions changes your thinking, which, of course, is where the feelings start.

Why am I innocent? How do I know I am perfect? What makes me divine? Why can I feel that I am pure?

As we grow up, we become more forgiving of our past selves, for our transgressions, both real and existential. I can let go feeling like I have to prove my worth, my right to be alive.

I become more aware of my thoughts; I notice when my thinking starts down those paths, and can haul it back to center.

If I start to get one of those bad feelings, like waking up in the middle of the night with an adrenalin lurch, I know it’s not “true” and I can calm my thoughts, and my body and breath quickly and easily. I almost instantly will go to a body scan, thinking clearly to myself, “My feet feel heavy and relaxed. They feel warm and comfortable.” Work up the body, but I’m usually back to sleep before I even get to my hips.

It takes trust, believing an equivalent of “God don’t make junk.” It takes paying attention, and some discipline.

If I’m starting to have anxiety about a situation in my life, I will do a “thought-tree.” Can I do anything about it right now? Yes? Do it. No? Do something else and change the thoughts.

I believe that I am worth the effort. I believe that you are worth the effort, but you are the only one who can make those changes happen. Practice on the little ones everyday. Practice on the middling ones as they arise, and you will be all limber and ready when the big ones come along, as they always do. You are amazing. You are worth it. You can do it.

How have I changed from stifling my amazing self, to allowing me to become a happy grownup?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 01102014