Making Playtime

Making Playtime

How do you play? What entertains you? What engages your attention?

Being active is one of the fun things about being a grownup. Now, that doesn’t mean entering kick-boxing tournaments, although thats good for some people, it means finding things to do in the world that you love doing.

This is one of those things for me, writing to you every day. I also love to create things. I’m knitting socks right now. Sometimes it’s art, sometimes it’s soup. Sometimes, it’s hours of conversation with a brilliant friend. Lately, I’ve also been on a jigsaw puzzle kick.

I like to do stuff.

Didn’t always be that way. There was a time in my life, a dark time, when what I did was hate, get high, sleep a lot. Stopped crafting, stopped cooking, stopped moving my body, stopped reading. If you know me, you know that last one was a major alarm bell. It’s the one that finally got my attention.

Being engaged with the joys life offers us is one of the ways we feel alive, lively, and happy. Finding big things, and small things, to take joy in, helps us savor our existence, and feel connected with our world.

Why do I have fun? How do I play? What makes me adventurous?

At the very least, we have imagination. Now, I’ve known a bunch of people who claim to have no imagination. These claims were false. They just needed to redefine what imagination means.

If you can worry, you have imagination, you are just aren’t using your powers for good. If you are jealous, or have envy, you have imagination. If you can plan a day, you have imagination.

Now, take that awesome superpower and turn it to good use, coming up with fun stuff that lightens your heart. Maybe you like to play games, cards, or arcade games. Maybe you like tromping around in the woods. Maybe you like to mess with clay, or paints, or chalk. Maybe you like to take classes, or try new restaurants, or watch old movies. The point is less about what you are doing and more about engaging.

When we actively and positively engage with our world, we keep things loose and light. When we actively have fun, we stay cheerier, and are spreading joy.

What makes me connect? Why do I enjoy myself? How am I entertained?

When I was learning how to have fun, I discovered that a lot of how I entertained myself made me feel awful. I was a news junkie, for one things, I watched depressing movies, I hung out in dark bars on sunny days. As I chose to lighted up my life, I started unchoosing things like that, things that made me blue, or feel grim, or hate people. These things do not move me forward. When I have feelings about slavery or animal abuse, I address them, do what I can in the moment, and go back to the light. I do no one any good by wallowing in that kind of entertainment, and I do damage to my self.

How have I changed from hanging back to engaging with my world?

(c) Pam Guthrie all rights reserved 03042014

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How to Chinwag Good

How to Chinwag Good

You know how much I like to talk about super powers. Probably comes from all the hours I stole from sleep to spend reading Superman comics in the middle of the night. Be that as it may, learning to harness our super powers transforms our lives.

Because learning to harness our powers for good is part of growing up, and not harnessing them causes all sorts of trouble.

Empathy one of yours? Until you learn to control it, you can end up feeling crazy, rageful for no reason, sobbing, and so on. Uncontrolled empathy is exhausting.

Creativity is another one. Uncontrolled creativity will often manifest as worry. Uncontrolled creativity loves to play the “what’s the worst that could happen” game at 3:00 AM. Bwahahaha!

Decision and Choice are wonder twin super powers. Unharnessed, we can find ourselves making amazingly awful decisions over and over again, hideous choices that can have a deleterious impact for years.

The one I’ve been thinking about today is communication.

Crappy communication destroys worlds.

Learning to communicate effectively was very interesting, and very challenging. I specialized in snark. My sarcasm had a laser edge and I slashed with it. (I am so sorry that I hurt you with my words.) I could scream hysterical ravings with the best of them, I was a blamer and a shamer, and would try to guilt you into the next country. I hated me, and so I hated you. I often spoke to you as though you were an idiot. (I am so sorry.) I craved your company, longed for kind words, but was pretty much deaf to them.

Crappy communication skills do weird things.

I actually had to take communication classes, and practice like mad at first, but, as is so often the case for me, it’s really paid off.

For example. Unless you are warning me of danger imminent, yelling is just emoting, and once you start yelling, I hear yelling, not communication. It floods me with adrenaline and can easily lead to things getting way out of hand.

For example. “You” statements are likely to fire up the listener, especially if there is a conflict.

For example. Being vague or circuitous leads to huge misunderstandings.

Turning communication into a super power is a multi-faceted undertaking. I have to want to improve my communication skills. I have to have some respect for me, and some respect for you. I have to be willing to change what I’ve always done, and to allow new stuff in. I have to be willing to experience what changes clear, respectful communication brings. Sometimes the hardest thing is tolerating good stuff when I’m not used to it. On the other hand, clarifying my communications makes life easier because I have said, “1, 2, 3,” and you responded with, “4, 5, 6.”

How have I changed from communicating poorly to enjoying communicating effectively?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 10242013