How to Chinwag Good

How to Chinwag Good

You know how much I like to talk about super powers. Probably comes from all the hours I stole from sleep to spend reading Superman comics in the middle of the night. Be that as it may, learning to harness our super powers transforms our lives.

Because learning to harness our powers for good is part of growing up, and not harnessing them causes all sorts of trouble.

Empathy one of yours? Until you learn to control it, you can end up feeling crazy, rageful for no reason, sobbing, and so on. Uncontrolled empathy is exhausting.

Creativity is another one. Uncontrolled creativity will often manifest as worry. Uncontrolled creativity loves to play the “what’s the worst that could happen” game at 3:00 AM. Bwahahaha!

Decision and Choice are wonder twin super powers. Unharnessed, we can find ourselves making amazingly awful decisions over and over again, hideous choices that can have a deleterious impact for years.

The one I’ve been thinking about today is communication.

Crappy communication destroys worlds.

Learning to communicate effectively was very interesting, and very challenging. I specialized in snark. My sarcasm had a laser edge and I slashed with it. (I am so sorry that I hurt you with my words.) I could scream hysterical ravings with the best of them, I was a blamer and a shamer, and would try to guilt you into the next country. I hated me, and so I hated you. I often spoke to you as though you were an idiot. (I am so sorry.) I craved your company, longed for kind words, but was pretty much deaf to them.

Crappy communication skills do weird things.

I actually had to take communication classes, and practice like mad at first, but, as is so often the case for me, it’s really paid off.

For example. Unless you are warning me of danger imminent, yelling is just emoting, and once you start yelling, I hear yelling, not communication. It floods me with adrenaline and can easily lead to things getting way out of hand.

For example. “You” statements are likely to fire up the listener, especially if there is a conflict.

For example. Being vague or circuitous leads to huge misunderstandings.

Turning communication into a super power is a multi-faceted undertaking. I have to want to improve my communication skills. I have to have some respect for me, and some respect for you. I have to be willing to change what I’ve always done, and to allow new stuff in. I have to be willing to experience what changes clear, respectful communication brings. Sometimes the hardest thing is tolerating good stuff when I’m not used to it. On the other hand, clarifying my communications makes life easier because I have said, “1, 2, 3,” and you responded with, “4, 5, 6.”

How have I changed from communicating poorly to enjoying communicating effectively?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 10242013