What Awareness Did For Me

What Awareness Did For Me

By Pam Guthrie

Do you remember theme papers? Do kids write themes anymore? Well, that feeling, of writing a theme, hit me this morning when I pulled the Awareness card, and I suddenly had a little flash of being in fourth grade.

For someone who loves learning as much as I do, I really hated school. I don’t recall doing much daydreaming, but I do recall becoming hyper-aware of my surroundings, looking for all the little oddities I could see; curled corners, chipped paint, cracks in the walls, ink stains on the wooden floor from past generations of children.

I remember watching the other kids, wondering what life was like for them. There was the sullen boy who sat behind me, whose boots stunk of cow manure. When I complained to the teacher, she said that he had to milk the cows before he came to school, and put them to pasture. All I had to do was get up. That smell meant something very different after that. He was still sullen, and I don’t think he ever spoke to me, still, I felt respect for him. But I digress.

Being observant is part of being aware, but it isn’t awareness.

When I am aware, I know what emotions I’m feeling and what feelings I’m having. I notice my behavior, I’m cognizant of my thoughts. I see you, read your body language, the pitch and timbre of your voice, although that may be unconscious on my part.

When I am aware, I am in my environment, I have a sense of what is going on around me.

Being aware isn’t about being hyper anything.

I can be truly aware only when I am relaxed and peaceful in my core. Often, my mind is quiet, I’m not thinking about being aware, I’m not thinking about what I am seeing, hearing, smelling, or any other sensations, I am in it. It’s like letting experience wash over me, as my thoughts flow through my mind.

When I relax as I pay attention to you, I see so much more of who you are. I see your micro-expressions, your true emotions, without all the feelings on ‘em. I clue into your body language. I hear meaning in the tone and timbre, the pitch and inflection of your voice, not just the words you say. When I relax I absorb more of how you process the world. It makes you so much more vivid to me, more real. More dear to me.

When I am relaxed and present, I can savor my life. I may be moving fast on the outside, but I’m slooow on the inside, so I can take it all in. I can see the little secret beauties that fill my environment, I taste my food and drink, I enjoy feeling my body as I dash down the street.

And, when I am relaxed and present, I’m not reacting all over the place. I can respond to my life as events unfold. I have time to remember to set aside my negative emotional judgments, and view events as neutral. Neutral events don’t require anywhere near as much energy as CRISES do, so I am simply tired at the end of the day. So I can sleep easily and wake up refreshed.

Why is it all so easy?

How have I changed from feeling all cranked up inside to relaxing into easy, peaceful awareness?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 10222013