My Best Friend

My Best Friend

Relationships are such interesting things. No matter whether we are with anyone, we are always in at least one relationship.

What’s that you say? At least one?

I am always in a relationship with myself. And this can be the most interesting relationship of all.

On the one hand, I’m stuck with me. I will never leave me, and so I can try things in my relationship with me that I might be hesitant to try with you.

For example. In my relationship with me, I strive for no secrets. I have a thing about secrets. My own, not yours. I will keep yours, but I don’t want any of my own. They are costly, keeping them, like paying  and paying and paying a monthly subscription for something you never use. My goal is to make sure that for each of my secrets, I’ve acknowledged it to myself, and to at least one other person. Sometimes, my secrets are little and dumb, sometimes they are big and dark, but as long as someone else knows, I am not having to carry their weight. I like that.

One of my top, long term goals is to have my emotional basement clear of old traumas, betrayals, regrets, and secrets. Clean. I don’t know if that’s even doable, but there you have it. It’s been my experience in life that each time I clear out an old emo issue, my life gets that much nicer, my daily stuff gets nicer, and I feel lighter. I like that.

In my relationship with me, I practice noticing how I’m talking to myself. I know that sounds weird, and we joke about people who talk to themselves being crazy. At the same time, we all do it, either inside our heads, or out loud.

Am I speaking to myself in a respectful manner, or harshly? Am I talking to myself from a place of love, or am I being a jerk? Am I being truthful with myself, or am I overstating, or understating, being defensive, or blaming, or some other awkward emotional manner of speech?

It seems, for many of us, that we speak to ourselves with more negative emotional judgment than we would for anyone else, even when it seems like we are pretty judgmental with each other.

When I practice being respectful with myself, I make it easier to be respectful with you. When I notice how I speak to me, and apologize, then change what I’m saying, I am setting a precedent.

I don’t particularly like to make amends, and I find it easier to be clean in the beginning than after the fact, and making that a habit in talking to myself makes it easier. I’m all for easier.

I do have to pay attention, though. I have to be aware of how I am talking to me, and to you. I need to be present in my self in order for that to happen.

Being someone I can count on is nice. Being someone I trust to take care of me is nice. Being someone I like and respect is nice. I like to look in the mirror and see a person whom I think well of.

How have I changed from not liking me very much to feeling good about myself?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 10142013