The Crabby and Grouchy Show

The Crabby and Grouchy Show

I woke up on the crabby side of the bed today. No reason. Maybe a dream just before I woke up. Crabby.

It hardly ever happens anymore, waking up crabby. Months can go by.

This morning two cards hopped out from the deck, the gratitude card and the genuine card. What a nice way to think about being crabby.

Because I am responsible for my feelings, I don’t pretend I’m not crabby when I am. But I also use two of the funniest sounding words in English to describe it, crabby and grouchy. And I say them to emphasize the silliness of them. I remember that, because I am a resourceful grown up, I can change my feelings as easily as changing my socks.

(And now I am thinking about making sock puppets and calling them Crabby and Grouchy and doing a show. Those words do make it more difficult for me to stay crabby and grouchy.)

I am grateful to all the teachers I’ve had who’ve helped me learn how to change my feelings.

I am grateful to all the teachers I’ve had who’ve shown me the value of my emotions and feelings.

I am grateful to all the teachers I’ve had who give me their respect as I worked my way through.

When we allow ourselves to be ourselves, stuff gets way easier. We stop spending time trying to second guess the other person, and we say what we mean. We go inside for approval that counts highly, and enjoy approval from outside. We are able to ask clearly for help, and accept it graciously when offered.

Easy. Simple. Enjoyable. Why is it all so easy? Why is it all truly simple? Why do I enjoy?

If I’m not worrying about the future, I don’t need to try to control the present. If I’m not worrying about you, I don’t need to try to control you. If I’m not guilty about the past I don’t need to put a spin on it. What a relief.

If I experience my emotions, they flow through me like water. When I stop intellectualizing, my thoughts flow, too. I can play with my creative mind more, more enjoyment, more light, more freedom.

When I am myself, I can relax. I don’t need to prove anything to anyone, I can do the things I need to, and want to, I can decide about the “shoulds.” I mind my business, and take care of my well-being, but I make peace, safe space for you to take care of yours. I treat me and you respectfully, and I can play.

When I am myself, I can sleep peacefully. I can stand on my own two feet, I have good people to back me up. I don’t have to stick my neck out, I can keep my chin up.

And when I wake up crabby, I know that, for a couple hours, I will enjoy the heck out of it.

How have I changed from trying to be someone special, to knowing I already am?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 10012013