Finding Teachers

Finding Teachers

One of the things that blows me out of the water is how full our lives are of teachers. We have teachers who teach us in school or formal classes. They teach us knowledge-y things like math and languages and science stuff, and they often give us tests. Some of them teach us fun stuff like music and art and cooking, and the proof is in the pudding, as the saying goes.

We have teachers who are parents or other adults we are close to who teach us useful skills to help us in life; how to express our feelings, how to iron, how to forgive, or wash dishes so they are clean, how to jury rig stuff, or take care of ourselves when we are sick, or how to be generous. Sometimes those teaching are really helpful, and sometimes they can really mess us up.

When we go to work we get new teachers who show us the ropes, sometimes they are our supervisors or bosses, sometimes they are co-workers. We sometimes find spiritual teachers at our places of worship, and sometimes we run into what I often refer to as our “best teachers” who drive us crazy but also give us the space we need to really grow into ourselves, to let go of being a victim, or to see our parents or other adults from our childhoods as just people, and not demigods.

When we are looking for a good teacher, the universe will usually provide us with someone. Thing is, we may not recognize them as a teacher.  Maybe they are a lot younger than we are. Maybe they are of a different lifestyle, or education, or something else that makes us think we can write them off. We miss a lot that way.

How am I supported? What makes me recognize a teacher? How do I open to learn something new?

Often we get ourselves in trouble by feeling like we are better than, that we know more than so and so, that there isn’t anything they can teach us. Sometimes we get ourselves in trouble by thinking that we we can’t learn, we can’t change, we are just stuck in this miserable mess we’ve created for ourselves.

We can always learn. We can always find something inside that we need to let go of; an old resentment, a mislearned belief, an attitude that doesn’t serve us. We occasionally know what these things are, but often we don’t, and a teacher will help us get there.

How do I know I can change for the better? What makes me courageous? Why am I strong? Why am I competent?

When I listen to me and hear things like, “I always, I never, I can’t, that’s just how I am, this is just how it is” chances are good I have some stuff there that I can let go of. If I choose to believe that I am meant to be happy, healthy, wise, and wealthy, there is a lot of room for me to grow. It may just be a matter of changing my point of view. It may be a matter of counting things differently, or reframing an old idea into a fresh belief.

By keeping my eyes peeled for my teachers, wherever I may find them, I open my heart to being my best self. I am not grateful for the tumor, but I am grateful for what I am learning from the healing of my body. I am not grateful for the discomfort, but I appreciate the skills I am acquiring without drama, the flood of good will and kindness, and my willingness to change my ideas about my experience from things that bring me down to things that uplift me and leave me lighthearted. I will take them where I find them.

How have I changed from feeling stuck to opening to a world full of good teachers?

3. Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 09252014

Reframing Difficult People

Reframing Difficult People

My fingertips must be sticky or something; I got two cards again today. Why am I grateful? Why do I like people?

Do those go hand in hand for you? Do you have people you like? People you appreciate?

I’ve got basically three kinds of people in my life. The ones I don’t know, or barely know. The ones I don’t like, and the ones I do like.

It used to be that I just didn’t like someone, end of story. This was so limiting. Kind of like the difference between making a statement and asking a Creative Question: there’s no room to grow. But when I move beyond this, things change and change. It’s remarkable.

Because I am a person, I will have to deal with difficult people from time to time.  I have started thinking of them as my best teachers because when I calm down, and stop blaming them for how I feel, I learn a ton of good stuff from them,  mostly about me, my shortcomings, and limited thinking. Sometimes looking at that stuff is challenging, but it’s always been worth it to me in the long run.

I have had a number of best teachers in my life. Over the years, I’ve found some tools and tips that have really helped me accept their presence in my life. I will share them with you because you know I love to do that!

Why do I like people? How do I choose? What makes me powerful? Why am I compassionate?

That’s the first place I go to. How can I feel compassion for this person? We all deserve compassion, so it’s not about them, it’s about me getting there on that person’s behalf. Sometimes, I am so resentful that I don’t want to let it go. I like that bitter, righteous feeling. Except that I really don’t for very long. Practicing going to compassion will start shifting my relationship with that best teacher.

Next, I found out that I need to find something to respect my challenging person for. Something real, not smarty-pants like, “I respect how annoying so and so is.” More like, “I respect so and so’s achievements.” When I start thinking about my challenging person with curiosity, looking for something to respect, and from a place of compassion, things start to change.

Now, since unchoosing victim is a big one for me, most of my best teachers offer me opportunities to do that. Your best teachers may well offer you different lessons. You can always tell who your best teachers are because they bug you the most.  You can also tell what your big lesson is because it comes up again and again.

For me,I also need to remember that, regardless of how they treat me, I will only feel abused if I choose to feel that way. I can choose to feel strong, capable, competent. I am not a victim, I choose to be a grownup.

Now I am well-equipped to have a different kind of interaction with you. Before I see you, I choose to be a grownup, I feel compassion and respect, and approach the interaction with curiosity. Things can change instantly.

How have I changed from thinking they suck to valuing and respecting them as best teachers?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 05172014

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Unlikely Gifts

Unlikely Gifts

The card I pulled today was the Why am I spiritual? card. It made me think about “best teachers” again, a concept I have found wonderfully useful, so maybe you will, too.

Each of us has lots of people in our lives. They play a multitude of roles for us, with us. Some of them we teach, some teach us. Of our teachers, some teach by example, some teach by creating situations for us to work through. One might call them spiritual puzzlers.

These Best Teachers are really super annoying. They are often thoughtless, full of bad behaviors, sometimes they are even mean or abusive. You know you’ve got your own best teacher because they not only make your day worse with their naughtiness, but they move into your head, rent-free, and take up valuable real estate.

You know you have your very own Best Teacher when you find yourself rehashing old set-tos with them, and how you could have bested them, or imagining fresh set-tos, and getting yourself all riled up when they aren’t even there.

Perhaps they get you to yell with them in anger, or to throw stuff. Or maybe they scare the bejesus out of you. They are adept at throwing us into our weakest places.

They bring out the worst in us.

That’s why we are blessed with them, our Best Teachers; to bring out the worst in us so we can clean it up and let it go.

I know, I know, but I don’t make the rules, I just report ‘em.

I have found that, in general, I have one BT at a time. I have also found that there is usually one very important lesson they present. Sometimes it is about unlearning something I’ve believed for yonks. Sometimes it is about learning more about a quality like understanding, or patience, or not to be patient. Patience isn’t always a good thing.

I had one BT who would come up to me at work and start yelling, telling me how worthless I was. Seriously. I learned two things; don’t take on stuff that says I’m bad. It’s not true. And, just because you are freaking out doesn’t mean I have to go there with you. It was so strange to just sit there, finding my calm center with someone yelling at me, often with an audience, but I succeeded.

When I learn the lesson, really get it, something happens. Sometimes they leave my life. Seriously. They move away, or get a new job, or maybe they just disappear. However it goes, they are gone. Othertimes, they just stop being so annoying. That’s weird, but really nice.

I love it when I recognize a BT. I know I will have some challenging times, but that at the end of it, I will be happier, cleaner, and lighter in my spirit.

Taking a few moments to identify your current BT, and then to spend a little time thinking about the gift they are bringing you is guaranteed to bring lovely results. Identifying your bad-behavior responses to your BT will help. It will also help to love yourself for showing these behaviors so you can clean them up, because dark-sides need love, too.

How have I changed from disliking my annoying people to recognizing my Best Teachers and the gifts they bring?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 12212013