How May You Help Me?
Support. We give it, we get it. We need it, we have a lot of feelings about it.
Being a people is so interesting. We have so much stuff about stuff. We can clear a lot of it out by doing our work, but many of us choose not to, and then wonder why our lives are difficult and sucky.
We have patterns and habits and ideas that we established as tiny children, and many of them are based on misinterpretations of things.
As we grow, things happen to us, some are wonderful and some may be such horrifying trauma that we push it down into our emotional basements, tape it closed and lock the door. Only problem is that it’s still in there, and it’s still influencing us; our thoughts, our feelings, our behavior. It’s only when we decide to clean out those old, vile traumas, to work through those experiences, that we can start to actually be free.
There are so many ways to do that. It may take some seeking, but some style of healing therapy will help. And I’ve never met anyone who was able to accomplish that kind of deep-psyche housecleaning alone.
Support.
Some of us are really good at asking for help, and then accepting it. And then appreciating it, and showing our gratitude. That’s nice for everyone.
If we feel like we aren’t getting the support we need, several different things can be going on.
Some of us ask for help a lot, but in such a way that we never get it. We feel like we are doing it all alone and no matter what we do, no one pitches in. When we feel like things are so off-kilter, we’ve got an unconscious resistance thing going. Often we feel like we don’t deserve to be supported, we don’t deserve help, we have to pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps. We feel frustrated.
Why do I deserve help? Why can I accept help? Why do I have all the help I need?
Some of us feel like we just can’t ask for help, that we have to do it all. We feel like we have to prove that we are tough and independent. We may have some trouble making commitments to others, and even to ourselves. We often feel isolated and cut off, but also push others away. We feel defensive and under that, scared.
Why am I safe to receive assistance? Why would I choose to connect?
By noticing our thoughts around receiving support, we can turn them around into good Creative Questions. When we let others help us, our lives get easier, and more fun. We have more time to do the things that bring us joy, more time to help and support each other, which gives our loved ones more joy, more time, and they in turn support their loved ones, and, lo, the world is a better place.
How have I changed from denying your help to accepting assistance with joy and grace?
(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 02142013
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
The Spur
The Spur
What matters the most to you? Family? Career? Money? Recognition? Enjoyment? Being right? Creating? Did you notice the shift there? We went from outside stuff to inside stuff. How interesting that we can have several things that matter the most.
Each of us has that, the thing we are always looking for, the little spur that inspires our choices, informs our realities.
On the outside, we may devote ourselves to the comfort and well being of our families, or we may work diligently and long to do the best job we can. Perhaps we focus on the stock market or real estate with the the goal of having millions. Maybe we seek attention through various venues. But there is another piece happening inside. It is the deep thing that drives us.
For some of us, it is a positive spur. We wake up cheery and excited to greet the day. We expect that we will have a nice day, and are rarely disappointed.
For some of us, it is more like a burr under our saddle, a needling, a pricking, that bugs the heck out of us. We may wake feeling apprehensive about the day. We may indulge in negative fantasies about what will happen, we may dwell on how previous events are going to sour. Our chests sink, our frowns deepen, our eyebrows squish together. We stress. We fear. Maybe we even anger.
We have a niggling doubt about ourselves. That doubt can prompt us in a couple ways. It can drive us to try too hard, pushing and pushing to prove that we are okay. We become lawyers to prove we are right. We become heads of things to prove we are good enough. We found charities to prove we are giving. We become religious to prove we are wholesome. If I feel like I have to prove something, I am working from that doubt. I am overcompensating for my feelings of doubt about myself.
But it has another face, too. Sometimes we succumb to that doubt and we decide it’s true. We believe that we are not right. We believe that we are not good enough. We believe that we are selfish. We believe that we are corrupt. We give up. We become indifferent. We procrastinate. We let things slide, we get in trouble.
Both ways are hard. Both ways can be painful, full of challenges, and not the fun kind. Both ways leave us feeling bad about ourselves, and, frankly, that’s heartbreaking. We are such miracles at our core, each of us has such amazing gifts, to have such struggle, instead of joy, well. it’s just sad.
Creative Questions to the rescue! As we identify that feeling, that niggling doubt, we form that statement, and from that statement, we get our bad creative question. Our bad question lets us know what our new, useful, transformative question will be. And as we start using that new Creative Question, our lives begin to shift. We shake our faith in our doubt. We find that we may begin to love our work, or we may find that we want to do something altogether different. However it goes, it’s so liberating.
How have I changed from being a slave to my doubt to living free in my good Creative Questions?
(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 02132013
What matters the most to you? Family? Career? Money? Recognition? Enjoyment? Being right? Creating? Did you notice the shift there? We went from outside stuff to inside stuff. How interesting that we can have several things that matter the most.
Each of us has that, the thing we are always looking for, the little spur that inspires our choices, informs our realities.
On the outside, we may devote ourselves to the comfort and well being of our families, or we may work diligently and long to do the best job we can. Perhaps we focus on the stock market or real estate with the the goal of having millions. Maybe we seek attention through various venues. But there is another piece happening inside. It is the deep thing that drives us.
For some of us, it is a positive spur. We wake up cheery and excited to greet the day. We expect that we will have a nice day, and are rarely disappointed.
For some of us, it is more like a burr under our saddle, a needling, a pricking, that bugs the heck out of us. We may wake feeling apprehensive about the day. We may indulge in negative fantasies about what will happen, we may dwell on how previous events are going to sour. Our chests sink, our frowns deepen, our eyebrows squish together. We stress. We fear. Maybe we even anger.
We have a niggling doubt about ourselves. That doubt can prompt us in a couple ways. It can drive us to try too hard, pushing and pushing to prove that we are okay. We become lawyers to prove we are right. We become heads of things to prove we are good enough. We found charities to prove we are giving. We become religious to prove we are wholesome. If I feel like I have to prove something, I am working from that doubt. I am overcompensating for my feelings of doubt about myself.
But it has another face, too. Sometimes we succumb to that doubt and we decide it’s true. We believe that we are not right. We believe that we are not good enough. We believe that we are selfish. We believe that we are corrupt. We give up. We become indifferent. We procrastinate. We let things slide, we get in trouble.
Both ways are hard. Both ways can be painful, full of challenges, and not the fun kind. Both ways leave us feeling bad about ourselves, and, frankly, that’s heartbreaking. We are such miracles at our core, each of us has such amazing gifts, to have such struggle, instead of joy, well. it’s just sad.
Creative Questions to the rescue! As we identify that feeling, that niggling doubt, we form that statement, and from that statement, we get our bad creative question. Our bad question lets us know what our new, useful, transformative question will be. And as we start using that new Creative Question, our lives begin to shift. We shake our faith in our doubt. We find that we may begin to love our work, or we may find that we want to do something altogether different. However it goes, it’s so liberating.
How have I changed from being a slave to my doubt to living free in my good Creative Questions?
(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 02132013
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Hi, I'm Badin Rong
Hi, I’m Badin Rong
Right and wrong, wow. What a huge thing that is, for so many of us. Good and bad. How many of us struggle, and weep, feeling like we are bad and wrong.
Curiously, and as a sidebar, that feeling often hits us after we’ve done something, not actually acting as a deterrent. At the time, in general, we make the best decision we can. It’s in hindsight that the “oh, craps” come out.
Also, curiously, many of us seem to think that telling others they are bad and wrong is a good idea.
People are funny.
Feeling bad and wrong really isn’t very useful as a lifestyle. Thing one, it is depressing, demoralizing, and demotivating. If I’m bad and wrong, why should I even try? (notice the bad creative question.) Feeling like that releases all the stress-compounds into our bodies, and they, in turn, start wreaking havoc on our bodies to let us know we are headed down the wrong path.
Thing two, it’s usually not true that we are bad and wrong. We may have made a mistake, it could even be a doozy, but that is about our behavior, not about we. I can correct my behavior, that’s called making amends. We all err from time to time. Take responsibility for it, correct it as best you can, let it go, and move on.
Thing three, believing we are bad and wrong is believing in lies, and one of our jobs is to find Truth. Truth, not to be confused with truth, is universal. That is, it holds for everyone. Breathing is good holds for everyone, that’s a nice example of Truth. High colonics and automatic weapons are good hold for some, and not others; that is an example of truth.
Thing four, when we feel bad and wrong, it is often difficult for us to “get back,” back into our own good graces, back to feeling competent, back to feeling valuable. The more we put ourselves in that place, the more time we spend around people who are reinforcing it, the longer it takes, the harder it may get.
Creative Questions! That’s the ticket back to feeling competent, worthy, valuable, good. Why am I right? Because I am a divine creation. Why am I accurate? Because I care about what I do. How do I know the truth? Because I see clearly. Why is it easy for me to get back? Because I know I am not my behavior.
Why else? How else?
When I feel right, being basically a good person, I make better decisions than when I feel wrong. When I feel right, I feel good, and that fills me with the milk of human kindness, and I wanna be nice to you. That makes you feel nice, and you spread it around to your loved ones, and then they feel good, and so on, and so on, and, Lo, we have changed the world. Why are we so wonderful?
How have I changed from feeling bad and wrong to knowing I’m right?
(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 02122013
Right and wrong, wow. What a huge thing that is, for so many of us. Good and bad. How many of us struggle, and weep, feeling like we are bad and wrong.
Curiously, and as a sidebar, that feeling often hits us after we’ve done something, not actually acting as a deterrent. At the time, in general, we make the best decision we can. It’s in hindsight that the “oh, craps” come out.
Also, curiously, many of us seem to think that telling others they are bad and wrong is a good idea.
People are funny.
Feeling bad and wrong really isn’t very useful as a lifestyle. Thing one, it is depressing, demoralizing, and demotivating. If I’m bad and wrong, why should I even try? (notice the bad creative question.) Feeling like that releases all the stress-compounds into our bodies, and they, in turn, start wreaking havoc on our bodies to let us know we are headed down the wrong path.
Thing two, it’s usually not true that we are bad and wrong. We may have made a mistake, it could even be a doozy, but that is about our behavior, not about we. I can correct my behavior, that’s called making amends. We all err from time to time. Take responsibility for it, correct it as best you can, let it go, and move on.
Thing three, believing we are bad and wrong is believing in lies, and one of our jobs is to find Truth. Truth, not to be confused with truth, is universal. That is, it holds for everyone. Breathing is good holds for everyone, that’s a nice example of Truth. High colonics and automatic weapons are good hold for some, and not others; that is an example of truth.
Thing four, when we feel bad and wrong, it is often difficult for us to “get back,” back into our own good graces, back to feeling competent, back to feeling valuable. The more we put ourselves in that place, the more time we spend around people who are reinforcing it, the longer it takes, the harder it may get.
Creative Questions! That’s the ticket back to feeling competent, worthy, valuable, good. Why am I right? Because I am a divine creation. Why am I accurate? Because I care about what I do. How do I know the truth? Because I see clearly. Why is it easy for me to get back? Because I know I am not my behavior.
Why else? How else?
When I feel right, being basically a good person, I make better decisions than when I feel wrong. When I feel right, I feel good, and that fills me with the milk of human kindness, and I wanna be nice to you. That makes you feel nice, and you spread it around to your loved ones, and then they feel good, and so on, and so on, and, Lo, we have changed the world. Why are we so wonderful?
How have I changed from feeling bad and wrong to knowing I’m right?
(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 02122013
Sunday, February 10, 2013
The Best is in Store
The Best is in Store
You know, there is so much wonderful stuff in the world, more than enough to go around for everyone, with more to spare.
There is a little weird going on with distribution.
What do you deserve?
When we are living our natural life, we are deserving, and we can easily get what we want. Some of us are there.
For the rest of us, it’s a different kettle of fish.
Some of us feel undeserving. We feel like everyone else needs a share, gets a share, but we don’t We feel deprived. We feel resentful. We may feel envy of what they have, and may hold jealously to what we have. We feel like our lives are meager. Like we aren’t good enough.
Some of us feel ripped off, like we are getting a bum deal. We feel like other people are withholding our stuff. They withhold our happiness, our nice car, or fancy home. They withhold praise, and raises, either because they are intimidated by us or because they are power-hungry jerks, it’s all their fault that we don’t have what we deserve. Like we are put down.
Some of us feel entitled, like we get to take because the world owes us for our crappy life. We can justify little thefts because we deserve it more. We can take credit for other’s work, because we deserve it more. We feel kinda bad sometimes, but if we didn’t deserve it, we wouldn’t get the opportunities. Like we are compensating.
Some of us hold back, feeling like we shouldn’t want too much, as thought wanting nice stuff is bad, and denying ourselves is admirable. We feel kind of small, we feel kind of lacking. We also feel kind of noble in our lack. Like we are martyrs.
Some of us think that in order to get what we want, we need to work hard. We think that hard work brings our rewards. We feel like the only way to get ahead is to prove that we deserve it. Like we are gung-ho die hards.
For some of us, getting the stuff, or work, the outside things; that’s easy, it’s the inside stuff we deserve that seems to elude us; freedom from fear, confidence at our core, serenity, unconditional love. Like we are misfits.
My favorite? Just because I deserve it, doesn’t mean I can get it. Just because I can get it doesn’t mean I can have it. Like my life is a tease.
All of it is based on mis-learning. Isn’t that wild? It’s all inside us. When we feel deserving, we let ourselves have what we want. We don’t have to finagle, or sneak, or deny, or mope, or bust our tushies to get what we want. We integrate our negative experiences, we address our bad questions, we notice when we have the told thoughts, and we change our questions. And we notice and celebrate as we find what we deserve coming to us, and staying with us, easily.
How have I changed from deserving weird or bad, to deserving the all the best?
(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 02102013
You know, there is so much wonderful stuff in the world, more than enough to go around for everyone, with more to spare.
There is a little weird going on with distribution.
What do you deserve?
When we are living our natural life, we are deserving, and we can easily get what we want. Some of us are there.
For the rest of us, it’s a different kettle of fish.
Some of us feel undeserving. We feel like everyone else needs a share, gets a share, but we don’t We feel deprived. We feel resentful. We may feel envy of what they have, and may hold jealously to what we have. We feel like our lives are meager. Like we aren’t good enough.
Some of us feel ripped off, like we are getting a bum deal. We feel like other people are withholding our stuff. They withhold our happiness, our nice car, or fancy home. They withhold praise, and raises, either because they are intimidated by us or because they are power-hungry jerks, it’s all their fault that we don’t have what we deserve. Like we are put down.
Some of us feel entitled, like we get to take because the world owes us for our crappy life. We can justify little thefts because we deserve it more. We can take credit for other’s work, because we deserve it more. We feel kinda bad sometimes, but if we didn’t deserve it, we wouldn’t get the opportunities. Like we are compensating.
Some of us hold back, feeling like we shouldn’t want too much, as thought wanting nice stuff is bad, and denying ourselves is admirable. We feel kind of small, we feel kind of lacking. We also feel kind of noble in our lack. Like we are martyrs.
Some of us think that in order to get what we want, we need to work hard. We think that hard work brings our rewards. We feel like the only way to get ahead is to prove that we deserve it. Like we are gung-ho die hards.
For some of us, getting the stuff, or work, the outside things; that’s easy, it’s the inside stuff we deserve that seems to elude us; freedom from fear, confidence at our core, serenity, unconditional love. Like we are misfits.
My favorite? Just because I deserve it, doesn’t mean I can get it. Just because I can get it doesn’t mean I can have it. Like my life is a tease.
All of it is based on mis-learning. Isn’t that wild? It’s all inside us. When we feel deserving, we let ourselves have what we want. We don’t have to finagle, or sneak, or deny, or mope, or bust our tushies to get what we want. We integrate our negative experiences, we address our bad questions, we notice when we have the told thoughts, and we change our questions. And we notice and celebrate as we find what we deserve coming to us, and staying with us, easily.
How have I changed from deserving weird or bad, to deserving the all the best?
(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 02102013
Saturday, February 09, 2013
The Happy Loser
The Happy Loser
For years I thought that being happy was beyond my purview. I wanted, more than anything, to feel happy, but since I couldn’t figure out how to get there, I decided happiness was as lame as Lawrence Welk’s champagne bubbles, just for losers.
I scorned happy people.
I derided successful people.
I was mocking and bitter, and unhappy.
I wanted you to be as unhappy as I was. (Sorry about that.) I looked for misery-buddies, you know, people who were as unhappy as I, and who loved to talk it to death. People who enjoyed the litany of complaints, people who could do the long-suffering shrugs and misery-smiles, where the person seems to be smiling, but the corners of the mouth turn down in a frown. I was a victim of my misery, and a martyr to it.
At the same time, I thought I would be happy if I were thin. I thought I would be happy if I were rich. thought I would be happy if I had a better boyfriend, cuter clothes, a nicer car, a different job; are you seeing the trend?
At the same time, it was your fault that I was so unhappy. (I know, I didn’t even know you then! That’s how crazy it was.) If you were happy, I thought you were shallow. I thought you were missing the boat on how the world goes.
I was so wrong.
Misery was easy for me to get to, but it took a ton of energy to sustain it. I had no idea. It not only took my energy, but I suck up your energy, too. My moping and groaning, with no possible relief in sight was hard on my friends. They wanted to help me, but I was so invested in suffering that they had to back off. Sigh. I was addicted to my misery habit.
Are you sick of it yet? Are you ready to say, “I’ll do what I need to do to give up being miserable.”?
I decided I would do whatever it took to be happy.
My first big breakthrough was when I was training to be a neuro-linguistic psychologist and my teacher said, “changing your mood is as easy as changing your socks.” Moods have a huge physiological component, and if I put myself into the posture of cheery; square and relax my shoulders, lift my spine and slightly tilt my chin up (chin up, you know, that phrase we use when we want to encourage someone) and smile with crinkly eyes for a full minute, I will start releasing the happy neuro-chemicals.
If I slump and frown, my mood goes down, if I smile to the eyes, my mood will rise!
If I am in a bad mood, no one is to blame but me. If I’m in a situation where I feel like I’m always in a bad mood and don’t change it, no one is to blame but me. Abusive relationship, crappy job, no money, all the things, if I’m approaching it from a “nothing will help” place, nothing can help. If I open my mind even just a crack, I have a chance at change that will make everything better.
How have I changed from thinking that you make me miserable, to taking responsible action for myself?
c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 020913
For years I thought that being happy was beyond my purview. I wanted, more than anything, to feel happy, but since I couldn’t figure out how to get there, I decided happiness was as lame as Lawrence Welk’s champagne bubbles, just for losers.
I scorned happy people.
I derided successful people.
I was mocking and bitter, and unhappy.
I wanted you to be as unhappy as I was. (Sorry about that.) I looked for misery-buddies, you know, people who were as unhappy as I, and who loved to talk it to death. People who enjoyed the litany of complaints, people who could do the long-suffering shrugs and misery-smiles, where the person seems to be smiling, but the corners of the mouth turn down in a frown. I was a victim of my misery, and a martyr to it.
At the same time, I thought I would be happy if I were thin. I thought I would be happy if I were rich. thought I would be happy if I had a better boyfriend, cuter clothes, a nicer car, a different job; are you seeing the trend?
At the same time, it was your fault that I was so unhappy. (I know, I didn’t even know you then! That’s how crazy it was.) If you were happy, I thought you were shallow. I thought you were missing the boat on how the world goes.
I was so wrong.
Misery was easy for me to get to, but it took a ton of energy to sustain it. I had no idea. It not only took my energy, but I suck up your energy, too. My moping and groaning, with no possible relief in sight was hard on my friends. They wanted to help me, but I was so invested in suffering that they had to back off. Sigh. I was addicted to my misery habit.
Are you sick of it yet? Are you ready to say, “I’ll do what I need to do to give up being miserable.”?
I decided I would do whatever it took to be happy.
My first big breakthrough was when I was training to be a neuro-linguistic psychologist and my teacher said, “changing your mood is as easy as changing your socks.” Moods have a huge physiological component, and if I put myself into the posture of cheery; square and relax my shoulders, lift my spine and slightly tilt my chin up (chin up, you know, that phrase we use when we want to encourage someone) and smile with crinkly eyes for a full minute, I will start releasing the happy neuro-chemicals.
If I slump and frown, my mood goes down, if I smile to the eyes, my mood will rise!
If I am in a bad mood, no one is to blame but me. If I’m in a situation where I feel like I’m always in a bad mood and don’t change it, no one is to blame but me. Abusive relationship, crappy job, no money, all the things, if I’m approaching it from a “nothing will help” place, nothing can help. If I open my mind even just a crack, I have a chance at change that will make everything better.
How have I changed from thinking that you make me miserable, to taking responsible action for myself?
c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 020913
Friday, February 08, 2013
Bill of Rights and Obligations
Bill of Rights and Obligations
I want to remind you of something today. You are a divine creation. Now, as a divine creation, or rather a Divine Creation, you are entitled to certain benefits and privileges. You will receive certain boons and appanages, if you are prepared to receive them.
Yes, I’m talking about you, who else? Who else could be more deserving?
You have the right to pursue a magnificent life, full of joy and awe, happiness, peace, creativity, and brilliance.
You have to right to love whom you will with all your heart, without judgment, without condition, without fear.
You have the right to be loved in the same manner.
You have the right to put your well being first in order that you might then take better care of your world, with all the life forms within.
You have the right to discover your genius, to nurture it, to express it, and to share it.
You have the right to feel creative, to feel positive, to feel gratitude and appreciation.
You have the right to experience vibrant health, whatever iteration your body is in.
You have the right feel easy in your life.
You have the right to a rich spiritual life, to sacred spaces, to holiness, to miracles, and to life-changing spiritual experiences.
There are a bunch of other benefits, boons, appanages, and privileges to being a Divine Creation. You will discover them as you go.
There are also certain obligations and responsibilities of Divine Creations.
You are obliged to seek actively seek a nice life.
You are obliged to learn to love with an open heart in order that you might be loved in the same manner.
You are obliged to take excellent care of yourself and your four bodies; mind, emotion, physical, and spiritual. You are then obliged to be kind and respectful to others.
You are obliged to introspection, awareness, mindfulness, and evolution.
As you meet these obligations, more benefits will be conferred to the point where you will be amazed by the lovely, sweet, happy, fulfilling life you live.
How have I changed from feeling like just a person to owning my divine nature?
c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 020813
I want to remind you of something today. You are a divine creation. Now, as a divine creation, or rather a Divine Creation, you are entitled to certain benefits and privileges. You will receive certain boons and appanages, if you are prepared to receive them.
Yes, I’m talking about you, who else? Who else could be more deserving?
You have the right to pursue a magnificent life, full of joy and awe, happiness, peace, creativity, and brilliance.
You have to right to love whom you will with all your heart, without judgment, without condition, without fear.
You have the right to be loved in the same manner.
You have the right to put your well being first in order that you might then take better care of your world, with all the life forms within.
You have the right to discover your genius, to nurture it, to express it, and to share it.
You have the right to feel creative, to feel positive, to feel gratitude and appreciation.
You have the right to experience vibrant health, whatever iteration your body is in.
You have the right feel easy in your life.
You have the right to a rich spiritual life, to sacred spaces, to holiness, to miracles, and to life-changing spiritual experiences.
There are a bunch of other benefits, boons, appanages, and privileges to being a Divine Creation. You will discover them as you go.
There are also certain obligations and responsibilities of Divine Creations.
You are obliged to seek actively seek a nice life.
You are obliged to learn to love with an open heart in order that you might be loved in the same manner.
You are obliged to take excellent care of yourself and your four bodies; mind, emotion, physical, and spiritual. You are then obliged to be kind and respectful to others.
You are obliged to introspection, awareness, mindfulness, and evolution.
As you meet these obligations, more benefits will be conferred to the point where you will be amazed by the lovely, sweet, happy, fulfilling life you live.
How have I changed from feeling like just a person to owning my divine nature?
c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 020813
Thursday, February 07, 2013
Colder Colder Warmer Warmer Hot!
Colder, Colder, Warmer, Warmer, Hot!
Feeeelings, nothing more than feeeeelings. In the days of my youth, I thought emotions were stupid. I hated having feelings because most of the ones I had sucked. (I was a pretty negative girl back in the day.) It seemed to me that the whole idea blew, and I wondered a lot what good they were, and why we were saddled with them.
Now I know.
Emotions are your system’s GPS. Emotions let you know, if you are paying attention, where you are relative to where you want to be. They let you know how things are going, how you are doing.
You might say it’s like the kids’ game where you say, “colder, colder, warmer, warmer, hot!” as people either approach or recede from the selected target.
The worse I feel, the farther away from my natural life I am.
Now, when I was a callow girl, I had several things going against me. The big one was that I didn’t have a clue what I wanted, although I had a long list of what I didn’t want.
Not taking some time every so often to think about what you do want, which direction you want to be going, how you want to get there, is kind of like getting in your car and just driving aimlessly. It may be interesting, and I have really enjoyed doing that from time to time, but you don’t ever get where you’re going if you don’t have a destination in mind.
Same with your day to day stuff.
And here’s the catch: If you don’t decide what you want, if you don’t choose a direction, your system reads that as instructions to make it worse. I know, it’s annoying as heck, but that’s what happens; if you don’t evolve, you devolve.
Most of us are born with all the stuff we need to live wonderful lives. Each of us has to find our way to get there. It’s the point. We have our minds, we have our emotions. We have our physical bodies, and our spirits. We learn stuff, we mis-learn stuff. We correct the mis-learnings, and things get nicer. We don’t put effort in to get there, to our natural life, and our systems will work together to make us more and more uncomfortable and unhappy, until we hit bottom.
Hitting bottom is your “enough’s enough” point. It’s when you say, “I hate this, I am not going to live like this any more,” and do what it takes to make your life nice. For many of us, that point isn’t very dramatic, or we grew up with people who taught us to strive and thrive. But for the rest of us, our bottoms can be pretty awful. And until we decide, it’s somehow seems normal.
My normal was chronic pain, chronic depression, chronic insomnia, chronic abuse, chronic suicidal thoughts. I’m serious. Compared to that, my normal now is like some sort of animated cartoon with a grinning sun, and little fat birdies singing a happy song in a fragrant meadow with dancing flowers, only real.
How have I changed from ignoring my emotions to using my internal GPS?
(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 020713
Feeeelings, nothing more than feeeeelings. In the days of my youth, I thought emotions were stupid. I hated having feelings because most of the ones I had sucked. (I was a pretty negative girl back in the day.) It seemed to me that the whole idea blew, and I wondered a lot what good they were, and why we were saddled with them.
Now I know.
Emotions are your system’s GPS. Emotions let you know, if you are paying attention, where you are relative to where you want to be. They let you know how things are going, how you are doing.
You might say it’s like the kids’ game where you say, “colder, colder, warmer, warmer, hot!” as people either approach or recede from the selected target.
The worse I feel, the farther away from my natural life I am.
Now, when I was a callow girl, I had several things going against me. The big one was that I didn’t have a clue what I wanted, although I had a long list of what I didn’t want.
Not taking some time every so often to think about what you do want, which direction you want to be going, how you want to get there, is kind of like getting in your car and just driving aimlessly. It may be interesting, and I have really enjoyed doing that from time to time, but you don’t ever get where you’re going if you don’t have a destination in mind.
Same with your day to day stuff.
And here’s the catch: If you don’t decide what you want, if you don’t choose a direction, your system reads that as instructions to make it worse. I know, it’s annoying as heck, but that’s what happens; if you don’t evolve, you devolve.
Most of us are born with all the stuff we need to live wonderful lives. Each of us has to find our way to get there. It’s the point. We have our minds, we have our emotions. We have our physical bodies, and our spirits. We learn stuff, we mis-learn stuff. We correct the mis-learnings, and things get nicer. We don’t put effort in to get there, to our natural life, and our systems will work together to make us more and more uncomfortable and unhappy, until we hit bottom.
Hitting bottom is your “enough’s enough” point. It’s when you say, “I hate this, I am not going to live like this any more,” and do what it takes to make your life nice. For many of us, that point isn’t very dramatic, or we grew up with people who taught us to strive and thrive. But for the rest of us, our bottoms can be pretty awful. And until we decide, it’s somehow seems normal.
My normal was chronic pain, chronic depression, chronic insomnia, chronic abuse, chronic suicidal thoughts. I’m serious. Compared to that, my normal now is like some sort of animated cartoon with a grinning sun, and little fat birdies singing a happy song in a fragrant meadow with dancing flowers, only real.
How have I changed from ignoring my emotions to using my internal GPS?
(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 020713
Wednesday, February 06, 2013
The Joy of Flow
The Joy of Flow
There are a bunch of things that I try to keep in mind as I go through my day. I try to remember to be peaceful at my core. I relax my muscles whenever I think of it. (I always hear Popeye saying “muss-kulls” when I type that word.) I try to remember that each person I encounter is doing their best.I try to remember to choose, to decide, and to enjoy what I’m doing.
That’s not always the easiest thing to do.
I have found that when I allow my life to flow, I enjoy it, regardless of what is going on. Letting my grief flow when I am mourning a loss is good. Allowing my body to have the sensations it has without resisting is good. Letting the people in my life who do things, um, differently from me, just be the way they are without my imposing my judgment on them is good.
I found that I had to redefine “enjoy” a bit, but that it was certainly worth it. But I also discovered that giving up my resistance to life makes all my experiences more enjoyable.
I enjoy experiencing my emotions, all of them. My feelings often get muddy, but my emotions are always clean. I have learned that I can experience my emotions without having to express everything. That has brought the drama in my life way down. And that sure helps me with my peaceful core.
I enjoy sensations in my body, even the unpleasant ones. This is sometimes challenging for me, especially when I am in a detox phase, or an injury , or, well, you know, stuff.I find that changing how I think of it helps. I know I am not being punished, I am not a victim of my body. I don’t “deserve” high discomfort, and it does serve a purpose even if I don’t have a clue what it is. I’ve never had a physical sensation last forever.
I really work on this enjoying thing. It is my personal quest. I spent so much of my before-life so miserable that I figure I have earned a good 60 or 70 more years of unbridled happiness, prosperity, health, joy, gratitude, compassion, and peace. I do what I can to be in that place, and I find that, when I’m there, other like-minded folks show up. That is so nice.
A nice side benefit is that I spend more time feeling satisfied by the things that really matter to me, and less time looking for external ways to satisfy myself. It seems that I find more opportunities for activities I love. Writing, songwriting, voice over work, crafting, getting to know people, my list is long. I’ve found I don’t want to shop as much, for one thing. I don’t want to watch as much TV. I am a little choosier about my magazines and other reading material.
I also find that I am moved by the beauty in the world way more easily. The sunrise this morning stopped me in my tracks. Snow on the branches and little birds. The rabbit who stopped on my walk and cocked her head. The thoughtful look on a dear friend’s face.
My baby snails moving around with such grace and elegance.
And I am more aware of goofy things like noticing the thrill I get when singing certain phrases with my choir, and the zap I feel when getting my teeth cleaned are the same sensation, only one is judged this way and the other that way. Hmmm.
How have I changed from judging everything as crap to enjoying the heck out of it all?
(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 020613
There are a bunch of things that I try to keep in mind as I go through my day. I try to remember to be peaceful at my core. I relax my muscles whenever I think of it. (I always hear Popeye saying “muss-kulls” when I type that word.) I try to remember that each person I encounter is doing their best.I try to remember to choose, to decide, and to enjoy what I’m doing.
That’s not always the easiest thing to do.
I have found that when I allow my life to flow, I enjoy it, regardless of what is going on. Letting my grief flow when I am mourning a loss is good. Allowing my body to have the sensations it has without resisting is good. Letting the people in my life who do things, um, differently from me, just be the way they are without my imposing my judgment on them is good.
I found that I had to redefine “enjoy” a bit, but that it was certainly worth it. But I also discovered that giving up my resistance to life makes all my experiences more enjoyable.
I enjoy experiencing my emotions, all of them. My feelings often get muddy, but my emotions are always clean. I have learned that I can experience my emotions without having to express everything. That has brought the drama in my life way down. And that sure helps me with my peaceful core.
I enjoy sensations in my body, even the unpleasant ones. This is sometimes challenging for me, especially when I am in a detox phase, or an injury , or, well, you know, stuff.I find that changing how I think of it helps. I know I am not being punished, I am not a victim of my body. I don’t “deserve” high discomfort, and it does serve a purpose even if I don’t have a clue what it is. I’ve never had a physical sensation last forever.
I really work on this enjoying thing. It is my personal quest. I spent so much of my before-life so miserable that I figure I have earned a good 60 or 70 more years of unbridled happiness, prosperity, health, joy, gratitude, compassion, and peace. I do what I can to be in that place, and I find that, when I’m there, other like-minded folks show up. That is so nice.
A nice side benefit is that I spend more time feeling satisfied by the things that really matter to me, and less time looking for external ways to satisfy myself. It seems that I find more opportunities for activities I love. Writing, songwriting, voice over work, crafting, getting to know people, my list is long. I’ve found I don’t want to shop as much, for one thing. I don’t want to watch as much TV. I am a little choosier about my magazines and other reading material.
I also find that I am moved by the beauty in the world way more easily. The sunrise this morning stopped me in my tracks. Snow on the branches and little birds. The rabbit who stopped on my walk and cocked her head. The thoughtful look on a dear friend’s face.
My baby snails moving around with such grace and elegance.
And I am more aware of goofy things like noticing the thrill I get when singing certain phrases with my choir, and the zap I feel when getting my teeth cleaned are the same sensation, only one is judged this way and the other that way. Hmmm.
How have I changed from judging everything as crap to enjoying the heck out of it all?
(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 020613
Tuesday, February 05, 2013
That Little Kick
That Little Kick
Isn’t it funny how scary stuff can get? We look at it and think, “Why can’t I just finish that?” (be sure to collect your points for noticing the bad creative question.)
Unfinished letters, household projects, tasks at work, laundry left in the machine, undone dishes, put off taxes or oil changes or medical appointments; each of us has stuff we procrastinate. Some of us are better at it than others.
Procrastination is just a fancy way of saying bad habit. But it has a little kick that makes us feel something, and that something can be addictive.
Procrastinating has an element of danger in it. It may be that little bit of danger when we get in trouble for not taking out the trash, or it can be a bigger element of danger when we ignore our traffic tickets and the consequence could be jail time. And it often has a dash of guilt, too. It’s starting to sound like a drug. Hmm.
Habits are amazing chunks of behavior. Every living thing seems to have them. Some of them are so supportive to our well being, and some very much are not. Habits do not like to be broken, which is why they are habits.
When we want to change a behavior, like procrastination, we need to make a plan for it. I sense some resistance, so let me say why.
When we decide to stop a behavior that no longer serves us, the part of us it used to serve is going to be pissed. It will balk at having it’s habit disrupted, even if it is causing the rest of ourself pain. When we go cold turkey, the part of us that is being denied will do everything in its power to dominate our thoughts until we relent.
Taking the time to plan our disengagement makes it easier. It is easier to replace a behavior with a new behavior than to just stop. I like things to be easy, so I’m all for the replacements.
With procrastinating, there is a little thought, something like, “I’ll just do that later,” that seems to be the starting point. It actually has a starting point earlier than that; a certain feeling, a fleeting thought. The earlier you can notice it, and practice your new habit, the easier the change will be.
For me, my procrastination at home often starts with the decision to go upstairs. If I can catch that, and decide to go to the kitchen instead, I short-circuit the whole process, and can get my stuff done.
By identifying, and then making the commitment to change, our unsupportive habits, we are choosing our best life. By being aware of when our unsupportive habits kick in, and then redirecting our attention, we are choosing our best life. By acknowledging that slipping up means we are making progress, and celebrating our re-commitment, we are choosing our best life. Patience and gentleness will be more effective in general than cracking the whip.
How have I changed from being run by my habits to being the one in charge?
(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 020513
Isn’t it funny how scary stuff can get? We look at it and think, “Why can’t I just finish that?” (be sure to collect your points for noticing the bad creative question.)
Unfinished letters, household projects, tasks at work, laundry left in the machine, undone dishes, put off taxes or oil changes or medical appointments; each of us has stuff we procrastinate. Some of us are better at it than others.
Procrastination is just a fancy way of saying bad habit. But it has a little kick that makes us feel something, and that something can be addictive.
Procrastinating has an element of danger in it. It may be that little bit of danger when we get in trouble for not taking out the trash, or it can be a bigger element of danger when we ignore our traffic tickets and the consequence could be jail time. And it often has a dash of guilt, too. It’s starting to sound like a drug. Hmm.
Habits are amazing chunks of behavior. Every living thing seems to have them. Some of them are so supportive to our well being, and some very much are not. Habits do not like to be broken, which is why they are habits.
When we want to change a behavior, like procrastination, we need to make a plan for it. I sense some resistance, so let me say why.
When we decide to stop a behavior that no longer serves us, the part of us it used to serve is going to be pissed. It will balk at having it’s habit disrupted, even if it is causing the rest of ourself pain. When we go cold turkey, the part of us that is being denied will do everything in its power to dominate our thoughts until we relent.
Taking the time to plan our disengagement makes it easier. It is easier to replace a behavior with a new behavior than to just stop. I like things to be easy, so I’m all for the replacements.
With procrastinating, there is a little thought, something like, “I’ll just do that later,” that seems to be the starting point. It actually has a starting point earlier than that; a certain feeling, a fleeting thought. The earlier you can notice it, and practice your new habit, the easier the change will be.
For me, my procrastination at home often starts with the decision to go upstairs. If I can catch that, and decide to go to the kitchen instead, I short-circuit the whole process, and can get my stuff done.
By identifying, and then making the commitment to change, our unsupportive habits, we are choosing our best life. By being aware of when our unsupportive habits kick in, and then redirecting our attention, we are choosing our best life. By acknowledging that slipping up means we are making progress, and celebrating our re-commitment, we are choosing our best life. Patience and gentleness will be more effective in general than cracking the whip.
How have I changed from being run by my habits to being the one in charge?
(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 020513
Monday, February 04, 2013
The Kitsch and Sync
The Kitsch and Sync
Aware. Present. Mindful. Joyful. Easy. Peaceful. Fresh. Lively. Creative. M-m-m. What a nice list of adjectives. A little cheesy, a little kitschy, a little Lawrence Welk-y, still, a nice list.
Accessible. That’s another nice one. It means that the ones I listed above are all available for us, easily and quickly. We just have to go there.
First, get back into the present. Stop worrying about the future, or feeling guilty about the past. Some of us spend more time living out of sync with the present moment than we do in sync. At the very least, it’s exhausting. Living in the present is so easy.
What makes me feel aware?
Second, start noticing what’s up. What are you thinking about? How do you feel? What are you doing? Are you supporting your best life, or are you stuck in bad habits? All you have to do is notice. How is your environment? Does it support you feeling good? Or are there some changes to make?
Who do I like to be present?
Third, how is your internal dialog? Are you saying nice things to yourself? Are you encouraging yourself? Are you being sweet? If you notice that you are saying mean things to yourself, stop it, apologize, and start practicing being kind. You are the one who knows what you want to hear, from family and friends, from co-workers and members of your communities. Start saying those things to yourself. Let them sink in.
Why am I kind to me?
Fourth, what kind of mood are you in? Moods come from feelings, feelings come from thought-loops. Thoughts produce emotions. Change your thoughts, change your posture, and you can change your mood. Smile all the way to eye-crinkles, hold it for a minute, and you will start to feel better. Eye-crinkle smiles release nice neuro-chemicals. Mmmm, norepinephrine. Straighten your spine as best you can, think uplifted, turn your gaze upward, let your breath get a little fuller, and you will feel more cheery.
What makes me so positive?
Fifth, notice what you think is hard or challenging. Take a step back and do a little analysis to see why it feels that way. Sometimes something seems hard because we resent doing it. If we can change that, it may just turn into a joy. Sometimes it’s boring, or we don’t understand it easily. Sometimes it’s uncomfy, or it means dealing with people who aren’t pleasant. Once you get what the “hard” is, you can do some Creative Questioning to shift it around to easy. If you let it, that will work over 90% of the time.
Sixth, get peaceful in your core. Whenever you have a moment alone, relax your muscles, breathe deeply and slowly. Ask yourself, “How do I feel when I feel peaceful?” and feel it. Notice how it feels, and remember that feeling. You have have it whenever you want.
How have I changed from being out of sync to fully living my own miraculous life?
(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 020413
Aware. Present. Mindful. Joyful. Easy. Peaceful. Fresh. Lively. Creative. M-m-m. What a nice list of adjectives. A little cheesy, a little kitschy, a little Lawrence Welk-y, still, a nice list.
Accessible. That’s another nice one. It means that the ones I listed above are all available for us, easily and quickly. We just have to go there.
First, get back into the present. Stop worrying about the future, or feeling guilty about the past. Some of us spend more time living out of sync with the present moment than we do in sync. At the very least, it’s exhausting. Living in the present is so easy.
What makes me feel aware?
Second, start noticing what’s up. What are you thinking about? How do you feel? What are you doing? Are you supporting your best life, or are you stuck in bad habits? All you have to do is notice. How is your environment? Does it support you feeling good? Or are there some changes to make?
Who do I like to be present?
Third, how is your internal dialog? Are you saying nice things to yourself? Are you encouraging yourself? Are you being sweet? If you notice that you are saying mean things to yourself, stop it, apologize, and start practicing being kind. You are the one who knows what you want to hear, from family and friends, from co-workers and members of your communities. Start saying those things to yourself. Let them sink in.
Why am I kind to me?
Fourth, what kind of mood are you in? Moods come from feelings, feelings come from thought-loops. Thoughts produce emotions. Change your thoughts, change your posture, and you can change your mood. Smile all the way to eye-crinkles, hold it for a minute, and you will start to feel better. Eye-crinkle smiles release nice neuro-chemicals. Mmmm, norepinephrine. Straighten your spine as best you can, think uplifted, turn your gaze upward, let your breath get a little fuller, and you will feel more cheery.
What makes me so positive?
Fifth, notice what you think is hard or challenging. Take a step back and do a little analysis to see why it feels that way. Sometimes something seems hard because we resent doing it. If we can change that, it may just turn into a joy. Sometimes it’s boring, or we don’t understand it easily. Sometimes it’s uncomfy, or it means dealing with people who aren’t pleasant. Once you get what the “hard” is, you can do some Creative Questioning to shift it around to easy. If you let it, that will work over 90% of the time.
Sixth, get peaceful in your core. Whenever you have a moment alone, relax your muscles, breathe deeply and slowly. Ask yourself, “How do I feel when I feel peaceful?” and feel it. Notice how it feels, and remember that feeling. You have have it whenever you want.
How have I changed from being out of sync to fully living my own miraculous life?
(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 020413
Sunday, February 03, 2013
How Do I Know I Know?
How Do I know I know?
There is a theory that all our wisdom is already inside us, we just need to remember it. Maybe that’s what a flash of insight is; the remembering of a bit of that wisdom. Wherever it comes from, that wisdom helps us make our lives good. At least, when we pay attention to it.
There are so many kinds of smarts; people smarts, business smarts, book smarts, street smarts, music and art and athletic and cooking smarts. Each of us is good at something, or several things, or lots of things.
Some of us trust our smarts, and some of us don’t. Some of us trust our intuition, some of us deny its existence. Isn’t that interesting?
Wisdom and knowledge aren’t the same thing. Knowledge can be taught. Wisdom is when we “get it.” Knowledge is knowing what your kids like to eat, wisdom is knowing when to make an extra treat.
Many of us hear that we are stupid. We probably started hearing it when we were little. Poor we. We often hear it as a bad creative question, “Why are you so stupid?” Well, you know what that does, and the next thing you know, you have this whole long list of why you are stupid. So, of course, we stop attending to our wisdom, we start looking for how we are stupid, and, worst of all, we start feeling stupid.
How do I feel when I feel wise? What makes me so smart? How do I know I know?
I’ve heard from so many of you that when you were a kid, some grown up with authority in your life told you that you couldn’t sing, or couldn’t draw, or looked funny when you ran, or were terrible at math, oh, the list is long.
The grown ups don’t think about the impact on the child. And then the child grows into an adult who won’t sing, or draw, or run, or balance his checkbook. Many of my clients who were told not to sing as children actually have fine voices, and have had joy in singing “Happy Birthday” or “Auld Lang Syne” with their loved ones.
Learning to trust our belly brain, for some of us, takes practice. We have learned to ignore many of our non-verbal thoughts, and that’s what a belly brain is, non-verbal. That doesn’t mean our belly brain doesn’t communicate with our conscious mind, just that we need to learn how to understand that communication.
How do I feel when I know it will work? How do I feel when I know I’m right? How do I feel when I know I’m competent? How do I feel when I know I am loved?
These kinds of knowing are in the belly brain. They will translate into sensations in our bodies, and when we practice asking the questions, and noticing the physical answers, our lives expand so much. Being able to read the wisdom from our belly brain means that we can make decisions more quickly, we can assess situations with greater depth and deeper understanding, we can trust ourselves more profoundly because we have ceased to deny half of our existence. Oh, yeah!
How have I changed from ignoring my wisdom to embracing my entire realm of smarts?
(c) 2013 Pam Guthrie all rights reserved 020313
There is a theory that all our wisdom is already inside us, we just need to remember it. Maybe that’s what a flash of insight is; the remembering of a bit of that wisdom. Wherever it comes from, that wisdom helps us make our lives good. At least, when we pay attention to it.
There are so many kinds of smarts; people smarts, business smarts, book smarts, street smarts, music and art and athletic and cooking smarts. Each of us is good at something, or several things, or lots of things.
Some of us trust our smarts, and some of us don’t. Some of us trust our intuition, some of us deny its existence. Isn’t that interesting?
Wisdom and knowledge aren’t the same thing. Knowledge can be taught. Wisdom is when we “get it.” Knowledge is knowing what your kids like to eat, wisdom is knowing when to make an extra treat.
Many of us hear that we are stupid. We probably started hearing it when we were little. Poor we. We often hear it as a bad creative question, “Why are you so stupid?” Well, you know what that does, and the next thing you know, you have this whole long list of why you are stupid. So, of course, we stop attending to our wisdom, we start looking for how we are stupid, and, worst of all, we start feeling stupid.
How do I feel when I feel wise? What makes me so smart? How do I know I know?
I’ve heard from so many of you that when you were a kid, some grown up with authority in your life told you that you couldn’t sing, or couldn’t draw, or looked funny when you ran, or were terrible at math, oh, the list is long.
The grown ups don’t think about the impact on the child. And then the child grows into an adult who won’t sing, or draw, or run, or balance his checkbook. Many of my clients who were told not to sing as children actually have fine voices, and have had joy in singing “Happy Birthday” or “Auld Lang Syne” with their loved ones.
Learning to trust our belly brain, for some of us, takes practice. We have learned to ignore many of our non-verbal thoughts, and that’s what a belly brain is, non-verbal. That doesn’t mean our belly brain doesn’t communicate with our conscious mind, just that we need to learn how to understand that communication.
How do I feel when I know it will work? How do I feel when I know I’m right? How do I feel when I know I’m competent? How do I feel when I know I am loved?
These kinds of knowing are in the belly brain. They will translate into sensations in our bodies, and when we practice asking the questions, and noticing the physical answers, our lives expand so much. Being able to read the wisdom from our belly brain means that we can make decisions more quickly, we can assess situations with greater depth and deeper understanding, we can trust ourselves more profoundly because we have ceased to deny half of our existence. Oh, yeah!
How have I changed from ignoring my wisdom to embracing my entire realm of smarts?
(c) 2013 Pam Guthrie all rights reserved 020313
Saturday, February 02, 2013
Life’s a Bitch, With a Wagging Tail
Life’s a Bitch, With a Wagging Tail
Sometimes I feel so opinionated. That phrase, “Life’s a bitch, and then you die” may be funny, but I think it’s bad and wrong. “Life’s a bitch and then it has puppies” is more to my liking.
Those ones that recommend I live each day as though it were my last, I think those are just irresponsible. I mean, I’m not sure if I knew that today were my last day, that I would go to my Clark Kent job, which is a fine job, but not where I would want to spend my last hours. I wouldn’t wash my clothes, or dishes, either.
The sayings about living in the moment, those get me, too. When I live in the moment, I have a tendency to get a little reckless. I tend to make choices that support me in the moment, but not so much my future self, and she needs some care, too.
I prefer to be present. I prefer to be engaged in what I’m doing. I prefer puppies to gloomy predictions.
I believe in heaven and hell. I don’t believe in them as afterlife. Even with all the mystical experiences I’ve had, I think we can only know about life, we don’t know what happens after death and all the stories are stories to make us feel stuff about being here.
I believe that we create heaven and hell here, in our daily lives. We create sacredness from our hearts. Holiness is an attitude of love and respect with a dash of awe at the amazingness of life, and the world, and people’s capacity for kindness.
I like sacredness. When I practice my qigong, I create a sacred space, and step into it for a little while. I create a sacred space when I sit on my porch, in bitter cold weather this week, and notice the birds and the bunny, and the traffic. I create a sacred space when I write to you each day.
Spirit nourishes us, in a way that food and drink can’t. It’s mysterious, which is how religions come about. We like to explain stuff, so the folks who did that explaining in the biggest way, get followings. Faith, by its nature, is choosing to believe without proof, So if you are feeling some spiritual hunger, go inside and see what you need.
One of my teachers gave me the phrase, “spiritual 9 volt battery.” That’s the idea; recharging our spiritual life quickly and easily, like changing the battery. And that begs the questions:
How do we keep our spiritual life rich? Why do we feel nourished by our spiritual life? Why do we feel profoundly connect in our sacred spaces?
In our natural state, this is exactly how we feel. Because we feel profoundly connected, even the act of paying a bill, or taking out the trash, the act of sitting in our favorite chair, or drinking a glass of water, becomes significant. We have the sense of being nourished by spirit with our very breath.
We get there by asking good Creative Questions, “How do I feel when I feel spiritual?” We get there by choosing to let go of the ideas that things are hard, “Why is it so easy?” We get there by deciding we will live our best life, “What makes me choose a nice life?” We open our hearts, we release negative judgments, we are gentle with ourselves as we stumble, and celebrate when we get back up.
How have I changed from feeling empty and sad to enjoying the richness of my spiritual life?
Sometimes I feel so opinionated. That phrase, “Life’s a bitch, and then you die” may be funny, but I think it’s bad and wrong. “Life’s a bitch and then it has puppies” is more to my liking.
Those ones that recommend I live each day as though it were my last, I think those are just irresponsible. I mean, I’m not sure if I knew that today were my last day, that I would go to my Clark Kent job, which is a fine job, but not where I would want to spend my last hours. I wouldn’t wash my clothes, or dishes, either.
The sayings about living in the moment, those get me, too. When I live in the moment, I have a tendency to get a little reckless. I tend to make choices that support me in the moment, but not so much my future self, and she needs some care, too.
I prefer to be present. I prefer to be engaged in what I’m doing. I prefer puppies to gloomy predictions.
I believe in heaven and hell. I don’t believe in them as afterlife. Even with all the mystical experiences I’ve had, I think we can only know about life, we don’t know what happens after death and all the stories are stories to make us feel stuff about being here.
I believe that we create heaven and hell here, in our daily lives. We create sacredness from our hearts. Holiness is an attitude of love and respect with a dash of awe at the amazingness of life, and the world, and people’s capacity for kindness.
I like sacredness. When I practice my qigong, I create a sacred space, and step into it for a little while. I create a sacred space when I sit on my porch, in bitter cold weather this week, and notice the birds and the bunny, and the traffic. I create a sacred space when I write to you each day.
Spirit nourishes us, in a way that food and drink can’t. It’s mysterious, which is how religions come about. We like to explain stuff, so the folks who did that explaining in the biggest way, get followings. Faith, by its nature, is choosing to believe without proof, So if you are feeling some spiritual hunger, go inside and see what you need.
One of my teachers gave me the phrase, “spiritual 9 volt battery.” That’s the idea; recharging our spiritual life quickly and easily, like changing the battery. And that begs the questions:
How do we keep our spiritual life rich? Why do we feel nourished by our spiritual life? Why do we feel profoundly connect in our sacred spaces?
In our natural state, this is exactly how we feel. Because we feel profoundly connected, even the act of paying a bill, or taking out the trash, the act of sitting in our favorite chair, or drinking a glass of water, becomes significant. We have the sense of being nourished by spirit with our very breath.
We get there by asking good Creative Questions, “How do I feel when I feel spiritual?” We get there by choosing to let go of the ideas that things are hard, “Why is it so easy?” We get there by deciding we will live our best life, “What makes me choose a nice life?” We open our hearts, we release negative judgments, we are gentle with ourselves as we stumble, and celebrate when we get back up.
How have I changed from feeling empty and sad to enjoying the richness of my spiritual life?
Friday, February 01, 2013
Resent, Relent, Relax
Resent, Relent, Relax
Here’s a fun little thing to try: Make a fist and squeeze it all the way up your arm, into your shoulder and neck and face. Tight as you can. Hold it, hold it, hold it...
Let go!
Ahh. Isn’t that a nice feeling? All that release, all that energy flowing through, no effort on your part.
Resentment to forgiveness in 30 seconds flat. Now, granted, that’s just a little isometric exercise, but it does illustrate the difference nicely.
Resentment, the re-feeling of perceived disappointments, betrayal, loss, and so on, just to make ourselves feel bad. (I knew a woman who suddenly stopped speaking to me, then started again some 3 years later. She had harbored her grudge, nursed it, cherished it, and I never had a clue why. Weird.)
When we are full of resentments, we are all clamped down, clenched up, tight, and seized up. There isn’t much room left over for the nice stuff. Especially since resentments want to be nursed, petted and tickled and told how great they are a lot.
Just one problem. We can’t really feel joy when we are all grudgeful, or compassion, or even self-love. So it simply makes things worse. And when we have that mindset going, it’s easy to find more and more things to resent.
So we let them go, we forgive. All that means, is we close the harbor to our resentments, we stop it when we find ourselves thinking about them.
When I was working on my biggest pile of resentments, I found something that worked really well for me. Maybe it will work well for you, too.
Every time I noticed that I was rehearsing my resentments toward this person, I would stop myself, relax and breathe, and think of something I appreciated her for, something I had learned from her, some reason my life was better for her having been in it. I had known her for a long time, so there was a lot of that sort of thing. I practiced it often enough that it’s become automatic now. The resentful thought leads instantly to appreciation and compassion.
Wahoo! That’s the way I like it!
Sometimes the person we need to forgive is our own self. When I notice me being angry at me for not having done, or for having done, something, I put my hand on my heart, relax and breathe, and apologize to myself with love and compassion. I know that, at any given moment, I am making the best decision I can under the present circumstances. I may decide in hindsight that it was the wrong decision. So then I fix it as best I can, and forgive me for screwing up, let it go, and get on with all the fun stuff there is to do out there.
How have I changed from offering safe harbor to grudges and old scores, to opening my heart to the gifts?
Here’s a fun little thing to try: Make a fist and squeeze it all the way up your arm, into your shoulder and neck and face. Tight as you can. Hold it, hold it, hold it...
Let go!
Ahh. Isn’t that a nice feeling? All that release, all that energy flowing through, no effort on your part.
Resentment to forgiveness in 30 seconds flat. Now, granted, that’s just a little isometric exercise, but it does illustrate the difference nicely.
Resentment, the re-feeling of perceived disappointments, betrayal, loss, and so on, just to make ourselves feel bad. (I knew a woman who suddenly stopped speaking to me, then started again some 3 years later. She had harbored her grudge, nursed it, cherished it, and I never had a clue why. Weird.)
When we are full of resentments, we are all clamped down, clenched up, tight, and seized up. There isn’t much room left over for the nice stuff. Especially since resentments want to be nursed, petted and tickled and told how great they are a lot.
Just one problem. We can’t really feel joy when we are all grudgeful, or compassion, or even self-love. So it simply makes things worse. And when we have that mindset going, it’s easy to find more and more things to resent.
So we let them go, we forgive. All that means, is we close the harbor to our resentments, we stop it when we find ourselves thinking about them.
When I was working on my biggest pile of resentments, I found something that worked really well for me. Maybe it will work well for you, too.
Every time I noticed that I was rehearsing my resentments toward this person, I would stop myself, relax and breathe, and think of something I appreciated her for, something I had learned from her, some reason my life was better for her having been in it. I had known her for a long time, so there was a lot of that sort of thing. I practiced it often enough that it’s become automatic now. The resentful thought leads instantly to appreciation and compassion.
Wahoo! That’s the way I like it!
Sometimes the person we need to forgive is our own self. When I notice me being angry at me for not having done, or for having done, something, I put my hand on my heart, relax and breathe, and apologize to myself with love and compassion. I know that, at any given moment, I am making the best decision I can under the present circumstances. I may decide in hindsight that it was the wrong decision. So then I fix it as best I can, and forgive me for screwing up, let it go, and get on with all the fun stuff there is to do out there.
How have I changed from offering safe harbor to grudges and old scores, to opening my heart to the gifts?
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Tired and Crazy
Tired and Crazy
I am always interested in trends I notice in conversations around me. Lately, I’ve been hearing two things: People are tired, and things feel kind of crazy.
Those are two telling topics. On the one hand, the first one lets me know that people aren’t feeling present in what they are doing. Up here in Minnesota, it could be some cabin fever, although that’s the same thing as not being present.
On the other hand, the second one tells me that people aren’t feeling present in what they are doing.
Oh. Heh.
It’s been very wintery here lately; bitter cold, ice, snow. As soon as we say, “I don’t like this.” we stop being present. We start resisting, and that causes all sorts of stuff to happen.
We clench, for one. We clench our emotions. We clench our thoughts. We clench our joints and muscles. Ow.
We start our thought-loops; “Why does this always happen to me?” “I hate this. Why can’t I do what I want?” “Why am I always so uncomfortable?” etcetera.
Everyone who noticed the bad creative questions, hooray for you!
Clenching takes a lot of energy. It’s harder for your system to circulate your blood when it’s trying to get through clench. Clenching is like trying to swim upstream. Clenching makes it harder to keep our balance on icy sidewalks and streets. We fall down.
We get mad, and that starts releasing stress chemicals in our bodies. Oh, and enough of those and we get sick. Hmm.
Resisting, not being present, means that we miss stuff. We miss turns in conversations, we lose our train of thought, we don’t see details. So, we start to feel like things are a little crazy, especially when the folks around us are in the same boat.
No wonder we get tired. Except that tired is about not being present. When we are tired at times we usually aren’t, we are saying to ourselves, “I don’t want to be here.” It usually has nothing to do with how much sleep we’ve had. (Remember being in love, and so excited that it didn’t matter how little sleep you got, you were full of energy?)
So what do we do? We get into our bodies, for one thing, breathing deeply as we can for a bit. We start asking good Creative Questions. We seek out people who will support us being present and cheery, and avoid the moaners and whiners. Why do I love to be present? What makes me have fun in the now? How am I in the moment?
How have I changed from fighting it, to going with the flow?
I am always interested in trends I notice in conversations around me. Lately, I’ve been hearing two things: People are tired, and things feel kind of crazy.
Those are two telling topics. On the one hand, the first one lets me know that people aren’t feeling present in what they are doing. Up here in Minnesota, it could be some cabin fever, although that’s the same thing as not being present.
On the other hand, the second one tells me that people aren’t feeling present in what they are doing.
Oh. Heh.
It’s been very wintery here lately; bitter cold, ice, snow. As soon as we say, “I don’t like this.” we stop being present. We start resisting, and that causes all sorts of stuff to happen.
We clench, for one. We clench our emotions. We clench our thoughts. We clench our joints and muscles. Ow.
We start our thought-loops; “Why does this always happen to me?” “I hate this. Why can’t I do what I want?” “Why am I always so uncomfortable?” etcetera.
Everyone who noticed the bad creative questions, hooray for you!
Clenching takes a lot of energy. It’s harder for your system to circulate your blood when it’s trying to get through clench. Clenching is like trying to swim upstream. Clenching makes it harder to keep our balance on icy sidewalks and streets. We fall down.
We get mad, and that starts releasing stress chemicals in our bodies. Oh, and enough of those and we get sick. Hmm.
Resisting, not being present, means that we miss stuff. We miss turns in conversations, we lose our train of thought, we don’t see details. So, we start to feel like things are a little crazy, especially when the folks around us are in the same boat.
No wonder we get tired. Except that tired is about not being present. When we are tired at times we usually aren’t, we are saying to ourselves, “I don’t want to be here.” It usually has nothing to do with how much sleep we’ve had. (Remember being in love, and so excited that it didn’t matter how little sleep you got, you were full of energy?)
So what do we do? We get into our bodies, for one thing, breathing deeply as we can for a bit. We start asking good Creative Questions. We seek out people who will support us being present and cheery, and avoid the moaners and whiners. Why do I love to be present? What makes me have fun in the now? How am I in the moment?
How have I changed from fighting it, to going with the flow?
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Take It, or Not
Take It, or Not
Here’s some stuff that I think: I think that, in this moment, I am perfect. So is my life, in this moment. I think that I have a breathtaking potential, and am capable of great change and great things. I think that I experience moments of enlightenment, it’s inside me, not outside, to be uncovered, not attained. I think that I can live my natural life of joy, abundance, clarity, creativity, love, ease, and that I must practice every day until it is automatic, like driving a car, or dancing the tango.
Believing that I am perfect in this moment means that I can love myself unconditionally. It doesn’t mean that I don’t commit to change. It does mean that I am not fixing me, it means that I am bringing out my best through fun, daily practices like writing to you, and my qigong, using Creative Questions, reading my symptoms, and so on.
Believing that my life is perfect in this moment means that everything that happens; the things I do, the things you do to, with, or for me, the random stuff that happens; is a gift. It may be a gift of pleasure, it may be a gift of learning. Sometimes it is an opportunity to practice patience, or peace, or grieving cleanly. Often, the worse it is, the better the lesson. (I know, but that’s how it goes.)
Having the thought of my wonderful, natural life in the back of my head, makes me notice when I feel it. I notice when things are easy. I notice when I am joyful. I notice when I am peaceful, or feel abundance, or clear, and so forth. The more I notice, the more I notice.
Having the thought of my wonderful, natural life in the back of my head makes me more aware of when I am pushing away from that, trying to go upstream rather than with the flow of my life. It helps me remember when I feel bad to identify the habit and step out of it. I don’t mean avoiding emotions like sadness or anger. We feel them, then they pass, and we go on to the next thing. I mean the sticky, dirty feelings that creep through your insides and make you feel so awful, like you’re bad, or your life sucks, or no one loves you.
One piece that I endeavor to remember is that when I feel like I need to exert control over my life, I don’t. When it feels out of control, it’s usually because I’m trying to control stuff. And what I need to do is let go. It’s shifting the focus from the outside to my insides. I need to get present, I need to do something I can do, not fret about something I can’t.
When I surrender, I stop controlling and start trusting. I move back into the flow. It gets easy again. Letting go is, as the saying goes, what to do when you are at the end of your rope. Sometimes that mean asking for help. My insoluble situation may be your easy fix.
When I surrender, I stop identifying myself as my problems. That’s a doozy, by the way. I used to think of myself as the problem, that I was a mess, damaged goods, that sort of thing. Now I get that a problem is a situation, not me. My personality isn’t me. My thoughts aren’t me.
I am that who sees me ask the question, “Who am I?” I am that who notices. That deep, amazing self under all the mind chatter, all the feelings, all the sensations, connected to everything, dynamic energy.
And that is you.
How have I changed from believing the surface stuff to seeing beyond it to freedom?
Here’s some stuff that I think: I think that, in this moment, I am perfect. So is my life, in this moment. I think that I have a breathtaking potential, and am capable of great change and great things. I think that I experience moments of enlightenment, it’s inside me, not outside, to be uncovered, not attained. I think that I can live my natural life of joy, abundance, clarity, creativity, love, ease, and that I must practice every day until it is automatic, like driving a car, or dancing the tango.
Believing that I am perfect in this moment means that I can love myself unconditionally. It doesn’t mean that I don’t commit to change. It does mean that I am not fixing me, it means that I am bringing out my best through fun, daily practices like writing to you, and my qigong, using Creative Questions, reading my symptoms, and so on.
Believing that my life is perfect in this moment means that everything that happens; the things I do, the things you do to, with, or for me, the random stuff that happens; is a gift. It may be a gift of pleasure, it may be a gift of learning. Sometimes it is an opportunity to practice patience, or peace, or grieving cleanly. Often, the worse it is, the better the lesson. (I know, but that’s how it goes.)
Having the thought of my wonderful, natural life in the back of my head, makes me notice when I feel it. I notice when things are easy. I notice when I am joyful. I notice when I am peaceful, or feel abundance, or clear, and so forth. The more I notice, the more I notice.
Having the thought of my wonderful, natural life in the back of my head makes me more aware of when I am pushing away from that, trying to go upstream rather than with the flow of my life. It helps me remember when I feel bad to identify the habit and step out of it. I don’t mean avoiding emotions like sadness or anger. We feel them, then they pass, and we go on to the next thing. I mean the sticky, dirty feelings that creep through your insides and make you feel so awful, like you’re bad, or your life sucks, or no one loves you.
One piece that I endeavor to remember is that when I feel like I need to exert control over my life, I don’t. When it feels out of control, it’s usually because I’m trying to control stuff. And what I need to do is let go. It’s shifting the focus from the outside to my insides. I need to get present, I need to do something I can do, not fret about something I can’t.
When I surrender, I stop controlling and start trusting. I move back into the flow. It gets easy again. Letting go is, as the saying goes, what to do when you are at the end of your rope. Sometimes that mean asking for help. My insoluble situation may be your easy fix.
When I surrender, I stop identifying myself as my problems. That’s a doozy, by the way. I used to think of myself as the problem, that I was a mess, damaged goods, that sort of thing. Now I get that a problem is a situation, not me. My personality isn’t me. My thoughts aren’t me.
I am that who sees me ask the question, “Who am I?” I am that who notices. That deep, amazing self under all the mind chatter, all the feelings, all the sensations, connected to everything, dynamic energy.
And that is you.
How have I changed from believing the surface stuff to seeing beyond it to freedom?
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Ass/U/Me
Ass/U/Me
We all make a ton of assumptions everyday. We make assumptions about ourselves, about how our day will unfold. We make assumptions about how our loved ones are, what they mean, what they think, and feel. We make assumptions about total strangers we encounter. We make assumptions about total strangers on the other side of the world.
Seems like we have to.
If we didn’t make assumptions, if we looked at everything with fresh eyes, evaluating anew at every moment, we wouldn’t ever make it out of bed in the morning. We would be so busy with current stuff that we would just have to stop. Our little nervous systems would be overwhelmed with data, and we would go into shut down.
And.
If we make bad assumptions, we are going to get bad results. If I assume you are a jerk, I start looking for proof that I’m right. And, even if it’s all just me, I find that proof. Oy. If I assume that everyone is out to get me, I get got. Even if it’s just my interpretation.
Assumption is Trust’s cousin, the black sheep of the family. Assumption seems like Trust. There is a strong family resemblance, but they only look alike.
Trust flows from our perfect self, our natural life, like peace, creativity, and joy. It is putting ourselves into the natural rhythm of life, knowing that, however it unfolds, we are ok at our core.
Trust allows, Assumption pigeon-holes. Trust is open, Assumption is closed. Trust is effortless, Assumption takes some work.
Judgment is also in this family, and, like Assumption, can be a good one, or a bad one, depending on how we use it.
It’s worth our while to notice our assumptions and recognize our judgments, and relax into trust, when we can.
By listening to when we use words like “always” and “never” we can find assumptions. By listening to when we use words like “everyone” and “no one” we can find assumptions. Can’t and shouldn’t are also words to listen for, when we are making assumptions about our abilities.
When we see a stranger and have a strong feeling, we’ve hit an assumption. When we brace ourselves for a fight before we get there, we’ve made an assumption.
As we notice our negative assumptions, we can use our judgment to discern how we can make them positive. We can move into the flow of trust that things go our way.
By letting go in this way, we free up a lot of energy; energy we can use to look for the gift in the situation, to look for the good in the person, to look for the value in ourselves.
How have I changed from assuming the worst to trusting the unfolding of life?
We all make a ton of assumptions everyday. We make assumptions about ourselves, about how our day will unfold. We make assumptions about how our loved ones are, what they mean, what they think, and feel. We make assumptions about total strangers we encounter. We make assumptions about total strangers on the other side of the world.
Seems like we have to.
If we didn’t make assumptions, if we looked at everything with fresh eyes, evaluating anew at every moment, we wouldn’t ever make it out of bed in the morning. We would be so busy with current stuff that we would just have to stop. Our little nervous systems would be overwhelmed with data, and we would go into shut down.
And.
If we make bad assumptions, we are going to get bad results. If I assume you are a jerk, I start looking for proof that I’m right. And, even if it’s all just me, I find that proof. Oy. If I assume that everyone is out to get me, I get got. Even if it’s just my interpretation.
Assumption is Trust’s cousin, the black sheep of the family. Assumption seems like Trust. There is a strong family resemblance, but they only look alike.
Trust flows from our perfect self, our natural life, like peace, creativity, and joy. It is putting ourselves into the natural rhythm of life, knowing that, however it unfolds, we are ok at our core.
Trust allows, Assumption pigeon-holes. Trust is open, Assumption is closed. Trust is effortless, Assumption takes some work.
Judgment is also in this family, and, like Assumption, can be a good one, or a bad one, depending on how we use it.
It’s worth our while to notice our assumptions and recognize our judgments, and relax into trust, when we can.
By listening to when we use words like “always” and “never” we can find assumptions. By listening to when we use words like “everyone” and “no one” we can find assumptions. Can’t and shouldn’t are also words to listen for, when we are making assumptions about our abilities.
When we see a stranger and have a strong feeling, we’ve hit an assumption. When we brace ourselves for a fight before we get there, we’ve made an assumption.
As we notice our negative assumptions, we can use our judgment to discern how we can make them positive. We can move into the flow of trust that things go our way.
By letting go in this way, we free up a lot of energy; energy we can use to look for the gift in the situation, to look for the good in the person, to look for the value in ourselves.
How have I changed from assuming the worst to trusting the unfolding of life?
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