Committed

Committed

Do you ever feel stuck? Like no matter what you do, you can’t make the change you want? Yeah, me, either. But I’ve read about it in a book.

We live the life we are committed to.

It’s sucks if you don’t happen to like it, but all is not lost. You have the power to make change.

So then the question arises, “What am I committed to?”

The answer is all around you.

What I complain about the most is often what I am the most committed to. I know, it’s irritating as all get out, but there you have it. Perhaps it is my horrible job. Or horrible relationship, or horrible debt, or horrible health, or horrible housing, or being horribly busy.

Why on earth would I be committed to something like that?

Researchers are finding more and more evidence that we have our belief systems pretty much locked in by age six. This is why it is so important to clean out our emo basements. As we look into that darkness, as we address and complete those old traumas, we change our beliefs.

Sometimes our commitment to a horrible job stems from how we were treated as small children; long, boring tasks, or nasty, bossy older-than-us people pushing us around, and we helpless to stop them.

Sometimes our commitment to a horrible relationship stems from  how someone whom we loved, with power over us, was cruel to us, or a parent, or another sib.

Sometimes our commitment to debt comes from a belief that people who have money are bad, sometimes it comes from a deeper commitment to getting stuff, or to avoid being taken from, and so on.

Each of us has our own reasons for our own commitments. That’s why we have to look into our deep self for the answers we want.

We can loosen our negative commitment’s hold on us with Creative Questions. How have I changed from (old commitment) to (what I really want?) What makes me committed to (what I really want?)

We can loosen its hold on us by getting to the initial mislearning and correcting it.

We won’t change it by beating ourselves up for the commitment.

We won’t change it through shaming or nagging or begging or complaining.

Because we have the power of choice, we can change our commitments. Because we have the power of choice, we can arrange our environment to remind us to choose what we want. We can choose where to put our energy, how to spend our time. We can choose to act effectively and efficiently and flexibly.

How have I changed from hating my commitments to committing with joy and enthusiasm?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2012 all rights reserved 08172013

Dangerous Ideas Inside

Dangerous Ideas Inside

Warning:  Deep, strange conceptual stuff ahead. Read at your own risk.

So I’ve been thinking a lot lately about reality, and how it really isn’t at all what we think it is. I buy into the idea that stuff exists outside of me, but until I become aware of it, it doesn’t exist as far as I’m concerned.

That is so weird.

We talk a lot about relying on our senses -- “I’ll believe it when I see it,” but, yikes, if we really did that, stuff would be a whole lot weirder. You’ve seen crazy optical illusions, and heard auditory illusions, and you’ve experience touch illusions, too.

What is real?

I take it on faith for day to day stuff that “out there” exists, and that I’m not dreaming it. Sometimes I forget.

I can only know what I know.

When I am in a flow state, almost nothing exists except what I am grooving on.

When I am sleeping nothing exists unless I am dreaming.

The reality of a pre-school teacher is very different from a neuro-surgeon from a test-pilot from a quantum physicist from a baby.

I’m not denying Reality. I’m just saying that my reality is waaay more fluid that I tend to think. I’m just saying that my POV will shift things around in a heartbeat. I’m just saying that I have a whole lot more choice, control, creativity when it comes to reality than I will own most of the time. I’m just saying that it’s all out there for me.

This is mind-blowing stuff, so take it slow.

When I accept that all creation is for my benefit, I can mold and model my reality to suit me.

When I accept that all creation is for my benefit, I can see easily that I have unsupportive beliefs and that I can change them.

When I accept that I create my reality, I can stop doing things that hurt me, and can start doing things that make my heart feel light and my spirit soar. I can change what I identify with. I can change my physical experience. I can almost anything.

When I accept that I create my reality, your presence in my life is way more significant, because, in a way, I create you. You create me in your life, too.

When I accept that I create my reality, I claim my power, and release ego. I am free to create the world I choose to live in.

That’s all for now.

You may now return to your regularly scheduled reality.

How have I changed from feeling buffeted by winds of fate to knowing that I am my own Creator?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 08162013

Cure For a Relax Relapse

Cure For a Relax Relapse

For you on the email list, I get my daily inspiration by pulling a card from the Creative Questions deck of cards. I pulled the” Why is it so easy?” card this morning for the second time in three days. I love it when a random draw focuses me on a particular topic.

Why is it so easy? Why can I relax? What makes it effortless?

I am playing a little mind game this week. I printed out a map whose orientation is South Pole on top. It means that where I live, in Minnesota, is now at the bottom of the US, not the top. It makes me feel a little weird to think of North as down, and South as up.

Arbitrary notions that we cleave to like they are true as breath.

We have a lot of arbitrary notions when it comes to ourselves, each other, and life in general. We behave as though they are true. They aren’t. When I think my arbitrary thoughts are true, and they are at odds with your arbitrary thoughts, we gots trouble.

One of our most treasured arbitrary notions is around stress. We believe in it with all our taxed, exhausted, sorrowful hearts.

Our reactions to stressful situations is a learned behavior. Really and truly. That is wonderful news because it means we can unlearn it and replace those reactions with new responses. Why is it so easy?

When I first encountered this idea I thought it was a cruel joke. But I started to practice with little stressors, and, Lo. I find that I stay calmer way higher on the Stressful Situation scale. Really and truly. Sometimes it surprises me, and I have to double check the calm.

Why can I relax?

I have said it before, and I will say it again. There is no situation in the world that stressing over can’t make worse.

There isn’t one thing that everyone stresses out over, except maybe birth. I don’t know about that one. Babies are so challenging to interview. Point is, stress is arbitrary and personal, and therefore we can change it.

First, you have to believe. Decide that there is a stress loophole, and you can use it. Decide that you can learn to stay calm and present and flow. Decide that you are worth learning to live easy.

Second, you have to notice how and when you stress out. Or stress in. Me, I check in with my shoulders a lot. It’s where we carry our burdens, you know, the weight of the world on our shoulders. I imagine all by stuff packed into baskets on my shoulders, and I imagine taking them off, and setting them down.

I will shrug, roll them around, do a little stretching, imagining the sense of burden falling away. I’ve used meditation, hypnosis, talk therapy, yoga, swimming, to transform stress into happy action. I like to think of it as transforming stress rather than as relieving stress. Relief always seems so temporary.

I will ask, “Why could I relax? What makes my life so easy? Why do things go my way? What makes it all so much fun?” I attend to my point of view, and shift it back to the higher vibration.

How can I feel more relaxed in this very moment?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 08152013

Hooray For You, Hooray For Me!

Hooray For You, Hooray For Me!

I seem to be on a True Confessions kick lately with you. It’s a good reminder, to you and to me, that, while I believe each of our perfect selves is immutable because they’re perfect, our surface self is capable of tremendous change. The best way I know to do that is by changing our limiting beliefs for luscious, supportive beliefs.

In the Dark Ages, compliments scared me. Let’s face it, breathing scared me.Compliments seemed like little tiny wrenches of manipulation to coerce me into doing something I didn’t wanna do. It went hand in hand with mistrusting kindness, even though I craved it.

Emotional baggage is exhausting.

So when you paid me a compliment, I would deflect it with a self-deprecating or disparaging comment, the classic “this old thing?” or “It was nothing.” Sometimes, I went so far as to say something contrary to the compliment.

How rude. I apologize.

Another reason I would deflect or deny was that I thought it was noble, and gracious. I thought I was being demure. This from the person who also thought that being poor was noble.

And lastly, I hated me. Fat and ugly and stupid. Incompetent, irrelevant, and immaterial. I felt like contributed nothing but misery to the world. And I had plenty of people who encouraged me in those thoughts. I’m so glad those suicide attempts failed.

Unbeknownst to me, there were people out there who saw the real me. Since I changed my tune, I have met some of them, and been so delighted and moved by their perceptions from the time when I was feeling so bad.

How have I changed from vilifying myself to feeling proud and honored.

Here’s the thing.

Who I surround myself with is hugely important to my attitude, my point of view, and often, my opinion of myself.

Back in Days of Yore when I treated myself horribly, I found lots of people to help me do that. I had people thrilled to criticize my appearance, my language, my activities, my taste, my feelings, my other friends.

I have walked away from whole groups of friends twice in my life. Wow, that was challenging. And I was lonesome for a while, but each time I also stopped abusing myself as much. I found people to befriend who were much kinder, more loving, more celebratory. And a few who really did love me from the previous groups came back.

When I stop abusing me, and start to honor me, in all my attributes and accomplishments, I find people who appreciate me and want to honor me, too, and I find that I want to honor them, as well.

How have I changed from treating us harshly to treating us with honor and respect?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 08142013

Easy Does It

Easy Does It

I have believed some really dumb stuff in my time. Really. Dumb. Stuff. I have, I am relieved to report, dumped a lot of those beliefs, and, boy howdy, is my life better for it.

One of the beliefs I had was something like, if I relax, I will fall to pieces.

I kind of had the idea that I was holding it together by sheer force of will. I kind of thought that if I let go, I would lose my mind, or go on a rampage, or maybe just die. I really was a drama queen.

And I really was terrified.

I am both amazed and saddened by how many of us are so afraid. One of the things we fear is looking into our past.

I will preface my next remarks by saying that I know we are all different. I know that we each have our own, best way, and that my way may not fit with your way.

Ok. First off, your past has already happened to you, and you survived. For many of us, looking at our painful past, feeling our way to the end of that particular trauma, makes us feel extremely much better. This is what I’m talking about when I talk about cleaning out the emotional basement.

Second, unfinished stuff in our past uses up energy; psychic, emotional, and spiritual. Can you spell “tired?” Holding all that old, open-ended junk is very taxing. And it takes a huge toll on our physical bodies.

Third, denial is dangerous. It can put us in situations where we can get really hurt.

Fourth, grownups face their crap.

I used to think I wanted to “be” enlightened. I thought it was a destination, I thought it meant that somehow I would be fixed. Poor me. It really helped to meet a real saint, in Kathmandu, who had kidney disease severe enough that he couldn’t walk, although wasn’t suffering from it, if you catch my drift.

Now, I think of “enlightenment” as the process of lightening up my life, clearing the crap out, cobwebs, skeletons, secrets, paper, limiting beliefs, loans, resentments, griefs, old spaghetti, cat poop, fears, and broken junk. Why is it so easy?

One of the things that I can do is relax. My being stressed, tense, clenched, upset, anxious, and so on, does nothing to help whatever the situation is. For me, I needed a lot of help learning how to relax, starting with my muscles. I mean, I actually landed at the Mayo Clinic with acute chronic nervous tension. I hope you are way more relaxed already than I was. Shoulders, belly, and jaw are good places to start.

How have I changed from fighting it to relaxing into the easy flow?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 08132013

Cuz Wakin’ Up is Hard to Do

Cuz Wakin’ Up is Hard to Do

Practice awareness, win valuable prizes. What’s that you say? Valuable prizes? What kind of valuable prizes?

Self-knowledge, understanding of others, patience, peacefulness, clarity, happiness, to name a few.

There are, of course, levels of awareness.

I assume that, because you are here and reading this, you are at least somewhat aware. So what am I going on about?

Well, for one thing, being aware lets us notice when we shift from feeling good to feeling crummy. If we are lucky, we can catch the thought that flipped us there, and correct it. Why would I choose to feel good?

Being aware helps us remember that feeling crummy is a habit, not Truth. (Truth is that we are amazing, shining, glorious creatures who are brilliant, and creative, and loving.) Yes, some people have brain chemistry depression, but many of us have situational depression; a horrible job, a bad relationship, family discord. There, it’s a good thing to change the situation. But I digress.

When I am aware, I notice my thoughts and feelings. I am aware of my behavior. I am aware of my body.

When I am aware, I see you. I hear what you have to say, and consider it. I am interested, and choose to engage.

When I am aware, it is easier for me to meditate, because being with myself isn’t a strange thing, I don’t feel like I have to follow my thoughts, because I’m used to having them. I am comfortable being quiet inside.

When I am aware, I find a lot of stuff to celebrate every day. I see beauty in unexpected places, I hear nice things, I appreciate my body, I feel love and connection with you, and I want to help you make your life nicer.

When I am aware, I see stuff that happens to me as opportunities instead of abuse or punishment. I am delighted that I get a chance to dump an unsupportive belief, or correct a mislearning.

When I am aware, I want to move my body more, I can feel that it wants to stretch, or jump around, or dance or or or.

When I am aware, I notice my creative feelings, I notice my loving feelings, I notice my generous feelings, my kind feeling, my grateful feelings, my appreciative feelings. When I notice them, I feel good.

When I am aware, I want to stay present. That means I feel alert and awake, regardless of how much sleep I’ve had.

When I am aware, I have more fun. I will take that for a bottom line.

How have I changed from being asleep to being aware?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 08122013

Turning To to For

Turning To to For

I do a lot of clacking on the keys about how our point of view, our attitude, impacts everything in our lives. Have you absorbed that one yet? I know it’s tricky, and I know that it seems impossible, that simply shifting your attitude could change stuff, but Holy Moly! Once you get it, you will be amazed.

One of the Creative Questions I love is “Why do things go my way?” It’s a POV question. Here’s why:  When I approach my life with the attitude that nothing goes my way, I am always looking for the cloud. I scan for the trouble, the hardship, the rough patches, the pain. I win money, I grumble about the taxes. I am given a car, I feel annoyed about having to gas it and maintain it. You give me a job, I complain about the work. There isn’t one wonderful thing that I can’t find something to feel crabby about.

The question we seem to be asking is, “How am I a victim in this situation?”

I knew this one really well. Being a victim is a dark place. Occasionally, I would feel light, but it was from an external source, and dimmed quickly. But therein lies the crux. When I feel like a victim, I am passive. I am relying on external forces to define me.

I identify with my story. I am one with my troubles, my pain, my grief, my shame, my despair. Things happen to me and I feel beaten down.  Even the good things, which, of course, never last very long.

The bad creative question here, “Why don’t things ever go my way?”

When I am living a passive life, I can be miserable and blameless; things happen to me. You are the source, of all the goodness in my life, and all the crap. So my being a victim is your fault. Isn’t that neat and tidy? However, when I step up and choose to live an active life, things happen for me.

Oh, the power of the preposition.

When I change the question, when I flip it, I start looking for how things are going my way. I start looking for why things go my way. I start looking for opportunities, for hidden treasure, for happy surprises. And guess what happens when I seek those things.

Oh, yeah.

The world is a dynamic place. We are always doing, always making choices, even when we choose not to choose. And stuff is always happening that has an impact on us. We decide if it happens to us or for us. It is the reason for our ability to judge.

Since I decided that one of my purposes in life was to clear out my emo crap, I tend to see emotionally challenging events as opportunities to examine my reactions, or to enjoy my responses. The physically challenging events are informative, what is my body telling me? The ethical challenge, the moral challenges, so many opportunities to grow, to enjoy my process, to learn, and then to teach and share. Riches beyond measure.

When I trust that my life unfolds for my benefit, not to crush me, I lighten up. When I lighten up, I see more treasure, I see the gems, my heart opens, my spirit can soar.

How have I changed from believing things happen to me to believing that things happen for me?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 08112013

The Power of Me

The Power of Me

“I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and, doggone it! people like me.” Al Franken is gently mocking us in this little affirmation, but how different would the world be if we actually believed that we were good enough and smart enough, good looking enough, spiritual enough, well, you get the idea.

I have worked with so many of us who didn't feel good enough. Who struggled every day with trying to prove that they deserved to be alive, that they deserved to draw breath. They overdid, they over gave, they discounted their efforts, and felt more and more misery, more guilt, and more shame.

Why am I good enough? How do I know I am smart? What makes me engage?

Some of us have just given up on feeling good enough, so we try to prove that we are bad. We do bad things, and feel horrible, and then do more stuff to try to mitigate the bad feelings.

By gum, we are one creative bunch!

What would happen if we recognized and accepted our wonderful qualities, and owned our achievements? What would happen if we stopped wasting our energy on all that struggle? What would happen if, instead of feeling like we had to prove something, and then feeling guilty and whatnot, we spent that energy on creative solutions? Or on expanding our skills? Or just on making things nicer? All that energy being spent on feeling bad. Sigh.

How do I feel when I feel good enough? How do I feel when I own my accomplishments?

When I own my accomplishments, it’s easy to build on them. When I don’t own them, when I discount them, moving forward is really difficult, like slogging through mud.

Hmm, easy or difficult, which would I choose?

Over and over, we find that the way that brings more fun and more peace and more satisfaction is the easier way. Over and over we find that letting go, relaxing, accepting are the ways to a happier life, a joyful life: our natural life.

Why would I relax into my natural life?

As we practice our favorite Creative Questions, as we relax, and accept, everything around us softens. Situations that would have devastated us in days of yore are manageable. Circumstances that would have crushed our spirit become interesting challenges. We look at everything in our lives as an opportunity for learning, for growth, for deep-felt joy.

As we practice Creative Questions, we find that we want to know what we want. We find that we are setting goals with manageable steps, and that we are achieving them. Overwhelming tasks are easily broken down into little chunks that we can do, and we find that we can ask for help easily and free of guilt.

As we practice, we notice that we smile at ourselves in the mirror because just being we is a thing to rejoice in.

How have I changed from feeling inadequate to reveling in feeling good enough?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 08102013