Hooray For You, Hooray For Me!

Hooray For You, Hooray For Me!

I seem to be on a True Confessions kick lately with you. It’s a good reminder, to you and to me, that, while I believe each of our perfect selves is immutable because they’re perfect, our surface self is capable of tremendous change. The best way I know to do that is by changing our limiting beliefs for luscious, supportive beliefs.

In the Dark Ages, compliments scared me. Let’s face it, breathing scared me.Compliments seemed like little tiny wrenches of manipulation to coerce me into doing something I didn’t wanna do. It went hand in hand with mistrusting kindness, even though I craved it.

Emotional baggage is exhausting.

So when you paid me a compliment, I would deflect it with a self-deprecating or disparaging comment, the classic “this old thing?” or “It was nothing.” Sometimes, I went so far as to say something contrary to the compliment.

How rude. I apologize.

Another reason I would deflect or deny was that I thought it was noble, and gracious. I thought I was being demure. This from the person who also thought that being poor was noble.

And lastly, I hated me. Fat and ugly and stupid. Incompetent, irrelevant, and immaterial. I felt like contributed nothing but misery to the world. And I had plenty of people who encouraged me in those thoughts. I’m so glad those suicide attempts failed.

Unbeknownst to me, there were people out there who saw the real me. Since I changed my tune, I have met some of them, and been so delighted and moved by their perceptions from the time when I was feeling so bad.

How have I changed from vilifying myself to feeling proud and honored.

Here’s the thing.

Who I surround myself with is hugely important to my attitude, my point of view, and often, my opinion of myself.

Back in Days of Yore when I treated myself horribly, I found lots of people to help me do that. I had people thrilled to criticize my appearance, my language, my activities, my taste, my feelings, my other friends.

I have walked away from whole groups of friends twice in my life. Wow, that was challenging. And I was lonesome for a while, but each time I also stopped abusing myself as much. I found people to befriend who were much kinder, more loving, more celebratory. And a few who really did love me from the previous groups came back.

When I stop abusing me, and start to honor me, in all my attributes and accomplishments, I find people who appreciate me and want to honor me, too, and I find that I want to honor them, as well.

How have I changed from treating us harshly to treating us with honor and respect?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 08142013