A Patchworked Purpose

A Patchworked Purpose

For most living things, purpose is simple: Procreate.

For many of us, there are other things we’d like to have a shot at. I don’t know if all of us have that one, overriding passion. I didn’t seem to. There are a bunch of places where I get that “flow” feeling. On the one hand, that’s really fun for me. On the other hand, it sure made it challenging to find the place where I felt like I was meant to be.

How do I know my purpose?

As I stumbled through my life, I would think I had found “the thing.” It would be so compelling for a little while, then really not at all anymore.

I felt like there was something wrong with me. So many of my friends knew what they wanted to be when they were grown ups. There was a specific path for them to follow. I was more concerned with surviving at that time. There was no path for me, only one step at a time, and avoid the edge of the cliff.

My friends would talk about the careers they wanted, the industries they were drawn to. The idea of a career felt suffocating to me at that time. And I held the belief that there was nothing I could pour my heart into at which I wouldn’t fail. That was definitely an unsupportive belief.

So I weaved and bobbed, and swerved and staggered. I took trainings in lots of healing modalities always looking for the answers.

My job training took a couple decades. Tens of thousands of dollars. Gathering so many different experience. Cobbling it all the bits together into a mishmash. My mishmash.

It looks really funny from the outside, but it produces these daily thoughts for us to think about, so it clearly worked.

We don’t always fit neatly into a category. That isn’t about our not fitting, it’s about the category not accommodating. We don’t always know what we want to be when we grow up. Sometimes we end up serving in roles that seem strange, because they are not roles in which we usually see most of the people we know.

How do I know I am on my path?

There is something powerful and liberating about accepting the roles we are actually performing, rather than feeling like we are failing somehow. There is something powerful and liberating about allowing our purpose to unfold to our awareness, like the blossoming  of a rare and precious flower. There is something powerful and liberating about trusting that all our weird experiences, our rather aberrant thoughts, our feeling misfit, is part of a much bigger tapestry that will come into focus and bring both joy and satisfaction to us in ways we could barely imagine.

Why do I trust my place and purpose at this time? If asking that question gets you a negative response, add in “would” or “could” Why could I trust.... If you continue to get a negative response, perhaps you want to make some changes in the way you are spending your time.

How have I changed from feeling adrift to feeling aligned with my purpose?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 08082013