Rent-free in My Head?

Rent-free in My Head?

“Resentment is letting someone live rent-free in your head.”  The first time I heard that, I laughed and laughed, and then felt creepy.

I had a bunch of people in there  who I felt had wronged me, or betrayed me. people whose behavior I deemed unacceptable. It was an interesting hobby. I would start to think about one or more of them and get myself all riled up, and then frustrated as all get out because I felt like  there wasn’t anything I could do to relieve the feelings. So I would go around being a jerk to you. I apologize.

Now, I also had a bunch of people living in my head whom I adored, and when I thought about them, I felt great.

There are two important bits of information about these two situations. Bit one, I could change how I felt just by thinking about something. And bit two, the people who populate my head have a huge impact on how I feel, and the choices I make.

“The map is not the territory.” (Alfred Korzybski) This is so simple, but we often have such a challenging time accepting it, and remembering it, and acting on it.

It means that you are not the you who lives in my head. The you in my head has been filtered through my experience, my ideas, my beliefs, and my mislearnings. That can make the you in my head kind of weird, depending on how messed up my stuff is. One more reason to clean up my emo basement.

When I perceive you through filters of fear and anger, or abuse, or treachery, imagine how distorted my image is. Imagine the things I could believe of you, things you’d never do. Imagine the kind of trouble I could get myself into as we interact.

When I perceive you through filters of denial, things get really weird, and my behavior can seem bizarre.

The more I clean up my act, the more I am willing to face the crap in my past, the more I live my natural life. It is from this place, my natural life, that I can see you the most clearly.

Re-feeling the past without completing the experience can cultivate resentment, which is just re-feeling negative feelings.

One way I’ve found that is really helpful for shifting resentments out is to notice when I am thinking a resentful thought, and then to think of three nice things the person has done. If it’s someone I no longer have a relationship with, I offer up a little good wish or prayer for them, and think of something else. It takes practice, but boy, howdy, it’s nice to not get my self all twisted up for no good reason.

As I let go of all that emo junk, I feel cleaner. The cleaner I feel, the easier it is for me to stay upbeat, the easier it is to see you more closely to who you actually are, the easier it is for me to show up in the world. As I let go of all the emo junk, it gets easier for me to live true to my purpose, to know what my purpose is, and to know what I want.

Why is it all so easy?

How have I changed from resenting to letting go and living free?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 08182013