What’s That You Say?

What’s That You Say?

What would you say is the single most important skill for a good relationship? A loving heart? Forgiveness? Patience?

I think those things are really important. There is one thing that is even more important. At least I think so.

Communication.

High quality communication is my delight. I needed so much training to learn how to do it, but there was a flip point, when I really got it. I learned to “translate” high-falutin’ philosophical discourse into social English, and had such great conversations about deep, deep stuff. Now, I like to do that here, so we can have deep, deep discussions about really big ideas easily and enjoyably.

I need to be able to say what I think about stuff. I need to be able to ask for what I want. I need to be able to say clearly and without blame or shame, or blaming or shaming. I need to use language you understand, if I want to communicate with you. I need to say when I don’t understand, and what specifically I don’t get, to the best of my ability.

It’s in my best interest to figure out what my expectations are of you, and at least to be aware of them in our interactions. I need to remember that they are my expectations, and may have little or nothing to do with you, but a lot to do with me. My disappointments in you are about how I filter my experience of you, and not about who you are.

When I remember how diligently I’ve had to work to get to know me, I remember to cut you some slack.

When I remember how garbled and secretive my communications were, I remember to be patient with you.

When I remember how blaming and shaming I was, and how challenging it was to unlearn that, I am more forgiving with you.

When I remember how hurtful I was with sarcasm and snarkiness, I remember to keep my skin tough, and my heart open.

When I remember how much I hid from myself, how deep in denial I was about so much, I want to shine my light that much brighter for you.

Our well being is so important. Our high quality support of each other is so important. We are partly individuals, but we are also part of a whole, part of humanity, and treating ourselves and each other well is how we change the world. Respectful communication is critical, and fundamental.

How have I changed from pussy-footing around stuff to saying what I mean, and meaning what I say?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 07182013