Do You Wanna Know a Secret?

Do You Wanna Know a Secret?

I used to joke, “I like people, it’s individuals I can’t stand.” Yeah, I know, it wasn’t very funny back then, either.

You scared the heck out of me. I thought you knew a bunch of stuff about how to live that I didn’t. (You did.) I thought you were withholding it from me. (You weren’t.) I thought you were judging me and finding me wanting. (Nope, not that, either.) (Well, okay, maybe some of you were, but I was a real jerk.)

Turned out I was projecting my stuff onto you. I knew a bunch of stuff about how to live, but rejected it. I judged me and found me wanting. I also put me down with every other breath, to myself, to you.

I think it’s one of the reasons that I like to write down my ho-to-live-a-nice-life thoughts everyday and give them to you. I want to be open, and not keep secrets anymore.

That was a big thing for me, secrets. And a curious phenomenon with secret keeping is that, when I have one, I feel like I am keeping something from you, and that shows up, at least unconsciously, in our relationship. It stands in the way of our intimacy, to whatever degree.

So, in addition to decided that I wanted to be happy, I also decided that I would have no secrets. In Twelve Step traditions, they talk about telling our secrets to ourselves, to our Higher Power, and one other human being.

To the best of my knowledge, I have done that with all my stuff. Boy, oh, boy, did that clear out a mess of goozh in my emotional basement. I feel kind of refreshed just thinking about that. You might wanna try it. Say what it was, then forgive yourself. Pick someone who is trustworthy; a therapist, or clergy. Our family isn’t always the best choice depending on what you are telling.

Once you have told your trustworthy person, and forgiven yourself (that simply means that if you remember the thing, and start to beat yourself up for it, you stop and apologize to yourself,) you may want to make amends. Be judicious; making amends isn’t always the way to go.

And now, let it go. If you have feelings about it, work with someone to complete the experience, and let it go.

You deserve to be free. You deserve to feel wonderful about who you are. You deserve to have open, intimate, loving relationships with clear communication. Letting go of your own secrets will help you get there like nobody’s business.

Sometimes my secrets involve another person. I am not here to tell your secrets. I keep your secrets. So, again, use your best judgement. We are here to make life better for each other, more comfy, sweeter, nicer.

How have I changed from holding my secrets in tight, to having no secrets of my own at all?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 07312013