Divining Your True Self

Divining Your True Self

So, what are you trying to prove? That you are deserving? That you are right? That you yourself are enough? That you are capable? That you are good enough?

Phew.

Poor we. We spend so much time trying to prove what we are or what we aren’t. Sometimes, we have an idea of whom we want to prove it to, but sometimes we don’t. And no matter what we accomplish, it’s just not enough.

How do I feel satisfied? Why am I content? What makes me accomplished?

When I am trying to prove that I am something, I am moving away from my natural life. Stuff gets hard. I often feel like I’m struggling in my efforts. I have one eye on you, looking to see if you’ve noticed, looking to you for approval, looking to you to make me feel okay. I have the other eye on the task and am asking myself, “is this the time? Is this good enough? How can I make this better? Then I have an eye on how I look, wondering if I look competent, capable, worthy. And I have an eye on everyone else to make sure I am the front runner, often feeling grim if I am, and kind of desperate if I’m not.

Juggling all those eyes is challenging. And we don’t even wanna think about what happens if we drop one.

And, no matter how you feel about me, if I don’t, I won’t . Feel good about me, that is. And all my struggle, all that misery, is for a mistaken notion. Like expecting a return on money we flush down the drain.

Self-esteem comes from me. That’s why it’s called self esteem.

How do I value me? Why do I respect myself? What makes me like me?

When I can make the shift from trying to prove that I’m capable, or worthy, or enough, or good enough, to owning that I already am, not only do I gain more self, but I also free up a lot of energy, juice that I can use for fun, or learning something, or helping.

When I cease trying to prove my right to exist, that I am right, that I am helpful, and own that I am those things, I can relax. My anxiety levels drop, that feeling of desperation fades. I like that.

How do I know I’m enough? Why am I good enough? What makes me worthy?

How would you feel if you only wanted your own approval? How could you feel proud for yourself, of yourself? How would you know you’re are enough?

When I choose to trust that those notions are more true than my old ideas that made me feel bad, I am choosing to step into my natural life. When I choose to trust that I am the one whose opinion about me counts the most, I am choosing life. When I choose to trust that my divine and infinite self is divine and infinite, I can release my limits, and let my spirit soar. It may only be for a flash, but that flash of Divine Truth will be with me ever after.

How have I changed from believing mislearnings to trusting my divine nature?

(c) Pam Guthrie all rights reserved 02162014

Fishing The River Creative

Fishing The River Creative

Years ago I took a little workshop. It was a couple hours, and something that I got some work credit for taking. Often things like that are nice ways to spend some time away from my desk,  and not much more, but this one has stuck with me.

Being creative. Now, I was blessed as a little kid by having a lot of adults around me who encouraged me to draw, paint, sculpt, dance, write, make up songs, and just kind of be creative in general.I know a lot of us never get that, or we get criticized for our creative efforts. That sucks.

I have thought of myself as a creative person most of my life. At the same time, I felt like I had to have inspiration strike, like lightning. I could sit down and do rote exercises, like scales, or drawing hands, or limericks or haiku, things with rules and structure. But I had this idea that Creativity was bestowed, and I just had to wait for it.

I stand corrected.

What I have learned is that creativity, like so many other things, is more accessible, juicier, more enjoyable, the more we practice. If anyone had told me back in the day that I would be writing to you every day like this I would have thought they were daft. That I could do it with joy and ease, I would have thought that they were totally cracker-dog.

Why do my good ideas flow? What makes me relax? How do I celebrate my creativity?

What they told me in that workshop was this:  If I want to be really creative, I need to be creative every day. I needed to make creativity a habit. I literally got goosebumps when they said that. What a concept! Making creativity a habit.

We know a lot about habits, and how they can destroy us bit by bit, or bring us joy and lightheartedness bit by bit. We have a lot of tools now for discovering our habits, rooting out mislearned beliefs, unchoosing bad behaviors, shedding our fixed delusions. All we have to do is apply ourselves with some focus for a little while every day.

How can I choose my habits? Why do I exercise my creative powers?

I have a few little things I now do every day to exercise my creative neuropathways. I write to you, off the cuff, based on a Creative Questions Card that I pull either from the first or second edition decks. I write and publish a list of daily appreciations, and I come up with a secret name of the day.

The appreciations I write first thing in the morning. Have you ever primed a hand-pump? Pouring some water into it, pumping like mad to get the water to come up from the depths of its well? That’s what the appreciations do for me, get that flow of gratitude going for my day. Some days it’s super easy, other days, especially if I’ve had icky dreams, not so much. But that habit, that act of searching around in my yesterday and my upcoming day with an eye toward the good makes a huge difference.

Secret name of the day is total creative fun. I started doing it to remind myself that I am a divine and infinite being, and as such, one name is simply not sufficient.

Setting ourselves little creative tasks will limber up our access to our limitless creativity, and how fun is that!

How have I changed from waiting for inspiration to hit to keeping my creative juices flowing?

(c)2014 Pam Guthrie all rights reserved 02102014

Living Ego’s Dream

Living Ego’s Dream

One of the most interesting games we play is the ol’ power struggle. I have an idea about how something should go, and so do you, but our ideas don’t match. And I decide not to give, and so do you, and now we have a power struggle that can last forever.

I hate it when I find myself acting like a three year old.

On the one hand, I can’t have a power struggle on my own, or can I?

As I start to choose to grow up, I am going to run into resistance, both from inside me and outside.

The inside me part is what we call ego, that sense of self we construct from childhood on. It’s not very mature, as a general rule. My ego is kind of spoiled and wants what it wants now. It wants instant gratification, it wants its own way, Ego tends to selfish, spoiled, temper tantrums, emotional drama.

When I start to unchoose that behavior, my ego is going to be pissed. Ego doesn’t want to grow up. Ego likes status quo, and so Ego is going to push back. It’s one of the reasons we often find ourselves having trouble with New Year resolutions. Ego says, “no new way!” and instead of acting like a benevolent, firm parent, giving Ego a positive time-out, and holding our power, we cave, because that’s what we’ve always done.

What makes me strong? Why am I competent? How am I confident?

When I decide to unchoose Ego running my life, I start to understand the idea that I am a divine and infinite being. Ego isn’t infinite, poor little thing. Ego is very small, but has a very inflated sense of self. Nothing is more important than Ego. How exhausting, and unrewarding.

On the other hand, when I unchoose Ego, and choose to move beyond, I am moving into my natural life. That’s where I find bliss and joy, peace and serenity, satisfaction abounds. Here I understand that I am naturally the center of my universe, but that I can be a benevolent creature, and put the needs of others before my own.

Why do I recognize my divinity? How do I know I am infinite? What makes me see beyond myself?

I like the saying, “choose your battles.” I remember the first time I heard it, as though someone had flipped a light switch on in my head. Until then, I had no sense of control over what I got upset about. I just went nuts. Sigh. Ego can’t choose a battle, it just goes in swinging, so power struggles are normal and frequent.

Why can I choose? What makes me decide? How do I feel when I am a grown up?

Choosing to be a grown up, choosing a path to enlightenment, choosing whatever you call your spiritual goal, is something we do everyday, Me, sometimes it’s multiple times a day. I want to live free, and that means I have to dump my old traumas and their attendant weird thinking. I have to be aware of my patterns and relinquish the ones that don’t actually support me. I have to be aware of my thoughts and notice when I am in a thought rut that brings me down, or encourages me to be disrespectful to me or to you.

How have I changed from living my Ego’s dream, to choosing to live freely?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 01252014

BYO Bestie

BYO Bestie

Best friends. When we are really lucky, we may have family for best friends. When we are really lucky we have at least one best friend. When we are really lucky, we have best friends we like, who like us.

You know how I feel about luck, too, don’t you.

Why do I have best friends? What makes me so fortunate?

I made up a rule for myself many years ago: No secrets. I tell everything that could potentially be a secret, that is, something of consequence or psychic weight, to at least one person. I am blessed with several besties, and one of their jobs is hearing those unsecrets.

We choose our friends for so many reasons. In the yorely days, I chose friends based on who supported my misery the best. Seriously. Or who wanted to get high with me, or have sex. Oy, being miserable was hard and lonely, and all to frequently terrifying, work.

Why do I embrace change?

Then, I chose friends who supported my sobriety.

What makes me choose to be clear?

Then, I chose friends who supported me in healing my spirit.

Now I have friends I love for themselves, who love me without reason. We are thrilled with each other’s friendship, rejoice in each other, have fun, feel gratitude and appreciation, and generally revel in just knowing each other.

When we choose friends we like (which is not as weird as it sounds. I used to have a lot of friends I didn’t like.) our lives get bigger. We find more opportunities to bring out our best selves.

We are divine, infinite beings. At the same time, when we are living our normals days, we don’t have much call to tap into our divine, infinite selves. Having best friends, friends whom we trust to advise us, friends with whom we love to play, or have adventures, or otherwise do stuff with, helps us to expand our horizons. Having best friends makes it safe for us to push our little envelope of comfort a bit here, a bit there, until we find that we have let our world expand, we are actuating our purpose, we are living a life we love.

How do I know I am a divine, infinite being? Why do I have a purpose?

As I deepen my friendship with you, I deepen my relationship with myself, as well, and if I am diligent, and willing to open my heart to someone with lots of flaws and faults and failings, ones I see all the time, and know all too well, I may be able to forgive, and find that I am one of my own besties. Treating myself with kindness, warmth, and respect, forgiving my screw ups and failings, supporting myself in allowing me to live my natural live, and maybe, just maybe, to experience myself as that divine, infinite being.

How have I changed from feeling kinda isolated to enjoying the company of my best friends?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 12262013