(Today I’m writing on a controversial subject. I want to be clear, and address a lot of the questions I’m asked on the topic. If you have more questions, please send me a message. One of my favorite old saws from 12 Step groups is “Take what you like, and leave the rest.”)
I don’t get sick and I don’t have pain anymore. Really. That’s not to say I always feel great. I get tummy stuff, I get respiratory stuff, I get muscles and joints flaring, just like anyone else. I have these experiences pretty rarely these days, and I am very appreciative about that. So what happened?
I have changed my stuff around feeling symptoms.
In the olden days, I focused on what felt bad. I focused on my problems and troubles. I focused on the people who hurt me. I focused on every twinge, every lurch, every throb, as proof of my misery. I was suicidal. I was lonesome for you, and lonely for me. I had three feelings, not-too-bad, bad, and terrible. I was doomed.
I had the Chronic.
I also had a tiny seed of an idea that maybe my lot, our lot, in life wasn’t to suffer, but to find our way through the crud that comes up in our lives, with joy and happiness, with ease and laughter.
The saint I met in Kathmandu was doing it -- genuinely grinning and radiant despite the fact that he had kidney stuff so bad he couldn’t walk.
It’s doesn’t require being a saint. It does require changing some stuff, and giving up some old beliefs and patterns.
It means divorcing Sick and Miserable. A clean break, no alimony or visitation. Sick and Miserable want to suck the life and love out of you. They are indeed scourges of humanity. But they aren’t the symptoms and the circumstances, they are our attitudes.
Can you get your mind wrapped around that? It took me a long time; I want to help you get it fast.
The symptoms and circumstances are neutral. The Sick and Misery come from us, they are the demons; the attitudes, the thoughts, the beliefs.
Sick and Misery want drama and whining. They want you to ignore the advice for which you pay your money to experts. Sick and Misery don’t want you to use everything and everyone available to you to help you feel good. They want you to sigh and complain, whine and whinge. They want you to frown, and they want you to pull everyone down with you. They want you to find Misery Buddies.
So what do you do? First, start treating yourself with compassion rather than pity or disgust, notice if you are blaming someone for your circumstances, and address that. Take out the words that have a negative charge for you. Consider how you might live your life if you were happy and confident, even if you still have your same situation. Consider how this phase of your life might be a blessing and opportunity for you.
How have I changed from feeling burdened and beaten to finding my potential and grace?
No comments:
Post a Comment