Radical Responsibility

Radical Responsibility

“I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.”  These are the four sentences used in the H’oponopono tradition. the H’oponopono tradition says that we each need to take complete responsibility for our whole lives. That boils down to taking responsibility for everything we touch, come in contact with, become aware of. Can you imagine?

So many of us spend our time saying, “it’s not my fault. I didn’t do anything. Don’t blame me.” pushing away our responsibility, and suffering painful consequences.

What’s that you say? I didn’t do anything to anybody. I’m not responsible for someone else’s well being.

And so many of us spend our time saying, “it’s all my fault. I am guilty. All the blame is mine.” feeling guilty for our existence, but never really taking responsibility for anything. And suffering painful consequences.

What’s that you say? Isn’t feeling guilty taking responsibility?

Or we do some premium, bespoke blend of the two.

Here’s what I have learned about that. The more responsibility, not guilt,  I take for how my life is, for what comes into my awareness, for my daily interaction, the better stuff gets.

I am totally responsible for my life. I am the center of my universe, and as such, everything I become aware of is part of my life, and therefore, part of my responsibility. If you are driving me crazy or abusing me, it’s my responsibility to figure out what I need to learn, learn it, and do it.  I do not need someone to rescue me. If I am in pain, it is my responsibility to address it. It is not your fault that I hurt. If something has happened and now my life sucks, it is my responsibility to de-suckify it.

Now, that’s a big concept. But there are some important pieces to bear in mind.

I am only responsible for my self, my well being, health, and happiness.

I am responsible to you I am responsible to treat you with respect and kindness, to give you room to live your life, make and recognize and correct your mistakes.  If you are in dire straights in another part of the world, I can give money, or things. I can listen, I can do tasks, I can help improve your circumstances, but I can’t make you feel better no matter how much I want to, no matter who you are. No guilt.

Because you alone are responsible for your self, your well being, health, and happiness.

When we swap out our blaming and guilt for responsibility, when we own our piece of the pie and take care of our lives, if we help where we can, in the best ways we can, our lives get bigger. They get happier. They become way more fun, and we feel so much better; blame-free, guilt-free; that we find it pretty easy to let go of our resentments, our shame, our rage. Especially if we have good help from trustworthy people.

How do I feel when I accept my responsibility?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 03242013