What if it’s All Just For You?

What if it’s All Just For You?

I love the days when I get two cards for us at once. The combination is so fun to consider. Today I pulled, “Why am I active?” and “Why is all creation for my well-being?” It’s like [Insert your-favorite-gift-receiving-holiday here.]

As a single person with no children, I consider it my duty to live a life of fun, exciting, interesting stuff. I take that responsibility very seriously, while frequently laughing my head off.

So I look at those two cards, and I have to wonder, “What delights does the world hold for me today? What fun, what engagement, what entertainment or connection, what unexpected source of support, or refreshing influence awaits my attention today?” Aren’t those great questions? I feel all a-twitter!

What a long way from the days when I would get up and weep at the thought of having to slog and trudge my way through another day of boring, tedious, routinized grossness, full of unrelieved physical discomfort in the company of stupid, boring people. No, really, I felt like that. There were days when I couldn't even get out of bed because the world was so full of suck.

The saddest thing is that it was all in my head. Just my lousy filters.

The world is so huge, so full of everything imaginable, that we can choose to look at it any ol’ way we please. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather see the kindness and gentleness, the fun, the joy and exuberance, the generosity and health, the wealth and abundance, plenty and prosperity, than the putrefaction I used to seek out.

I would rather see me as a nice person who is living her best life, who recognizes herself as a Divine Creation, whose job it is to have as much fun as she can squeeze into every day regardless of what she’s doing, than the waste of skin and breath I used to feel like.

In the before years, I used to hear the phrase, “attitude adjustment” and I will tell you from the bottom of my heart, it put my dander up. The simple truth is that I didn’t believe we had any control over how we feel or what we think. I didn’t think I had any control over anything. I had little sense of cause and effect, except that drugs and alcohol made me feel different. I felt a victim to my thoughts. I felt a victim to my emotions, to the extent that I pushed them down so far it took me years to find them. I thought all relationships pretty much sucked and you just had to suffer with that.

I am so happy that I was about as wrong as wrong gets.

In the before years, I went at a dead run for 18-20 hours a day. I worked three jobs. I was taking University classes. I avoided socializing. I was running as fast as I could away from me. Have you ever tried that? It doesn’t work.

Now, I’ve gotta say, I am still active, but I am totally in, and into, my life. I have fun. I spend time with people I am crazy about. I have time built into my schedule for nuthin. And for spontaneous stuff, too. How much better can better get?

How have I changed from plodding along to enjoying to the fullest the gifts each day brings?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 03112013