Together

Together

You and me, aren’t we interesting? What is a relationship, anyway? I love to have relationships, I like to think about relationships; it makes my brain feel kinda swirly.

Here’s why.

On the one hand, you and I are separate. We can never know what the other one is truly thinking, although we can get good at guessing. We can never know everything the other one has really been through, especially when the other one doesn’t remember herself. We can never know the entire scope of the other one because, thank goodness, it’s never completely tested.

On the other hand, you and I are one. This is where it gets weird. I can only know you through me. And what the heck does that mean? I cannot know what you have experienced; I can only know what I think your experience has been like. I cannot know what you are feeling; I can only know how I feel when I use the words, or show the body language you show.

I can only see you through my filters. And that means that, no matter how different we are, you are a version of me to me, just as I am a version of you to you.

I don’t know about you, but that makes my relationships way more important to me because if I don’t like ‘em, I don’t like me. If you are driving me crazy, it’s got way more to do with me, my ways of looking at the world, my limitations, my degree of evolution.

I can’t change you, but I can change me, and when I do that, our relationship changes. It has to. The metaphor that I like is of a mobile, and we are the things hanging off it. When I change, my weight on the mobile changes and that shifts everything. If I behave differently, you will respond to me differently.

That is wacky.

My relationships support me. They support me in doing good stuff, or in doing bad stuff, my choice. My relationships engage me, let me feel connected to you, and so, to the world. My relationships teach me about how I am in the world, how I want to be, what I can do. Because of my relationship with you, I’m a better person. Because I am a better person, I have space in my life to help you. I have room to think about you. I can love you, and all the other folks. Because of my relationship with you, I take better care of me, and in turn, better care of you.

You have taught me about trust, and love, and compassion, and grace.

You have taught me about justice, and gentleness, and kindness.

You have taught me about being goofy, having fun, and knowing what I like.

I am better because of you. And you are better because of me.

Wacky.

How have I changed from feeling apart to feeling together?

© Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 06052013