Turning Life Rightside Up

Turning Life Rightside Up

I love this topic. When I first tried getting my brain wrapped around it, I was so confused and baffled. How could this be true? How could it be true that forgiveness could be a bad thing? How could it be true that doubt can be good? Or patience and tolerance might hurt me?

Is black then white? Is day then night? Is hot then cold, and vice versa?

Heh. Kinda.

Here’s the skinny.

We have to be very aware when we use terms like “always” and “never.” I need to be aware about what I am being patient and tolerant. I need to notice what I’m not doubting. I need to pay attention to whom I am forgiving for what.

The more attention we can pay to what we are thinking, the more we notice what’s going on in our minds, the more we notice what’s going on in our minds, the more we can catch ourselves in our bad beliefs, or horrible habits.

This means we have to make little oases of time, pockets of mindfulness, in our days to give ourselves the space we need to check out what we’re thinking about, to notice what we’re doing.

Now, I hear pretty often the idea that people don’t change. I think that’s a load of hooey. Maybe even horse hockey, speaking as a person who has changed. However, no one else changed me. For all the help, support, and kindness I received, for all the nagging and yelling and finger pointing, and guilting I received, I changed me. In order for that to happen, some important stuff had to happen.

I had to doubt that the way I was living my life was the best way. I had to doubt that I knew best. I had to doubt that the people around me had my best interests at heart.

I had to stop being patient with my depressive moods, my tendency to withdraw, my tendency to pretend everything was fine.

I had to stop tolerating my destructive behaviors, my inclination to hurt myself, my search for numb.

I had to stop forgiving the horrible behavior of the people around me.

Not really what we’d expect from those words, but when we are damaged, things can get awfully upside down.

Now that I have put my life right-side up again, now I can forgive. Now I can be patient. Now I can be tolerant. Now I can do them with clear, compassionate judgment.

How have I changed from supporting bad behavior from me and you to choosing to live my nice, natural life?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 06272013