From Crappy to Happy

From Crappy to Happy

One thing we can count on is change. The circumstances of life ebb and flow, wax and wane. Like riding a wave through its crest and trough, and the curl. O, the curl.

When we let life flow, we can surf the changes, enjoying the whole wave. When we let life flow, we find our resources easily, we find things to appreciate in any circumstance, we feel peaceful, and relaxed.

Why would I let life unfold? How do I go with the flow? What makes me ride the wave?

Sometimes, it happens that I tighten my grip on that flow, so to speak. I have scary or angry thoughts about stuff, and start to worry about things. When I tighten that grip, I get all clenched, and, bam, there goes my peaceful center. Bam, there goes my relaxed mind. Bam, there I am, swept under that wave with salt water up my nose.

If I continue to clench, to continue the surfing metaphor, I will sink. If I learned nothing else from swimming lessons, it’s that to float, one must relax.

That’s our first step back to happiness. I need to relax. The more I can relax my body, the more I can relax my mind. My thoughts can’t churn if I am relaxed, and that means my worry will cease, my fears can subside, and I can get back to trusting that I can handle the surf again, easily and comfortably.

Why would I relax? How do I choose my peace? Why am I safe to be soft?

When I remember that I can choose to trust that things will work out, that I can manage, or cope, or contend, with whatever happens, when I remember that I have resources, and that my resources include amazing, wise, loving you, I know I am okay, and I will be okay. I may be sad, or have other feelings, but my feelings aren’t me, my thoughts and behavior aren’t me, and I can love me unconditionally regardless of how I feel about that stuff. In fact, I will do better when I do. That’s my second step.

Why do I love me without strings? How am I my best friend? What makes me take care of myself?

Pema Chodron talks about feeling bad as a habit. In fact, she goes so far as to say that whenever we feel bad, we are in a habit. This bears thinking about. Feeling clean sorrow isn’t the same as feeling bad, for example. Fear isn’t always feeling bad, if we use it to spur us to necessary, supportive action, and let it go. It’s when we feel like we are bad, or deserve mistreatment, or to mistreat, when we are stuck in worry or guilt, especially guilt for just being alive, well, I don’t need to produce the list for you, you know your favorite stuck places.

So, here’s my third step. I need to remember that feeling bad is a habit from the inside out, not from the outside in. I am quite capable of riding out crummy situations most of the time, but when I hit an internal ebb, I may succumb. That is, start thinking awful thoughts, worrying, feeling guilty and ashamed. And it may be that those thoughts are just out of my awareness, weighing down my heart, twisting my guts, sitting heavy on my shoulders. It may take me a while, with all that dense feeling, to notice that I feel crappy. And then, it may take me a while to remember that I don’t have to stay there. All I have to do is remember that I can choose to change my thoughts, change my feelings, and get back to feeling good.

How have I changed from feeling stuck in the crap to choosing to lift myself up?

(c) 2014 Pam Guthrie all rights reserved 02032014