To Be Our Best Selves

To Be Our Best Selves

All of us like to feel supportive of our loved ones. We want to help them achieve their dreams, heal their wounds, soothe their sorrows. We want to bring them joy, make things easier, keep stuff simple for them.

Or do we?

I was astonished and kind of horrified when I realized that I was supporting you in bad behaviors, supporting you in being miserable, in suffering, in stuff that was full of bad vibes. I would commiserate with you about how awful so-and-so was, about how bad the job was, about how terrible the world was.

I had friendships where that’s what we did, bitch and moan. Misery buddies. Flying directly in the face of what I had sworn I wanted, to be happy. Why on earth would I do that?

And that’s the rub:  Bitching is fun. Saying rotten things about other people is fun. Sharing a whinge with your pal is a bonding thing. Sigh. It’s fun, but it doesn’t move us forward, it just holds us back. Low vibration stuff.

How have I changed from bad-mouthing you to truly supporting you?

I had a friend who said, “You can complain about the same thing three times without doing anything about it. After that, I don’t wanna hear about it unless you are changing it.” Back when she said that to me, I was crushed. Wasn’t she there to hear my woes? Well, no, she was there to support me in being my best self. Woeful is not my best self.

How have I changed from rehearsing the crap to seeking out the good?

When we support each other in a victim stance, we sure are not supporting our best selves. I am not a victim of life’s circumstances, unless I choose to be. We are not victims of our bodies, our abusers, our jobs, our food choices, our exercise programs, or our children or parents needs unless we choose to be. This is a great big steaming pile of important right here. Blaming each other, or parts of ourselves, or our past, for our emo crap is low vibration stuff, too. Right up there with bitchin’. Or should I say, down there.

I need to own my part of what I’m doing, and let it go. I may have all kinds and sorts of chronic stuff; body stuff, behavior patterns, bad habits; and maybe these things feel like they are getting in my way. Am I addressing the topic? Am I getting help if I need help? If I’ve tried ten things and failed, am I seeking out the eleventh? Conversely, if I feel loathe to give up X, my bad habit, my bad pattern, my bad stomach stuff, is there a secondary gain I’m getting from it? Does it mean I can avoid doing things I don’t wanna do? Does it mean I can say “no” to things and feel less guilty or selfish? Does it mean I can beat myself up and prove I’m no good? Yeah, secondary gains are sneaky.

When I unchoose bitching and victim-ing and martyr-ing and sucking, I can start to be truly supportive of your amazing self. I can model better behavior, I can listen deeply, and hear what you are saying underneath, I can help you find solutions, and resolutions. I have easy access to compassion. I can comfort effortlessly.

How have I changed from supporting you in low vibration stuff to supporting you to be your best self?

(c) 2014 Pam Guthrie all rights reserved 02112014