Have You Reached a Verdict?

Have You Reached a Verdict?

What are the greatest ills in the world? Poverty? War? Horrible things. I find it very curious that those things come up when I think about “the world” but the world is made up of us, individuals with our own minds, our own choices.

Now, my opinion shifts and I find myself thinking, worry, fear, guilt, bitterness, misplaced shame, rage. Suddenly, it’s very personal.

Frank Herbert called fear “the mind-killer, the little death.” Worry drains our emotional resources, guilt drives us mercilessly, and misplaced shame will shred us from the inside out. Not a very supportive environment for following our passions, or sharing our gifts.

Why am I innocent?

As a person, it’s not unusual for me to encounter these things, and many more, that sap my joy, throw off my equilibrium, screw me up. They make me feel bad, so I make bad decisions, and I make them over and over. I feel stuck, I feel miserable, I feel helpless, and I will ventilate those feelings, lashing out at you, or me, or someone less powerful, and we can sustain horrible situations because we nurture our bad feelings. It’s sure how I turned me into a drunky dope person.

How do I know I am pure?

I decided to grow up. I decided I wanted to be happy from the inside out. I decided I wanted to live a life I liked, a life I approved of, a life I felt proud of. Nice decisions, but they meant I had a lot of emotional detritus to clear out.

What makes me feel clear?

Worry and guilt, anger and fear, and so on; these turn into habits so easily. Breaking these habits is a fascinating challenge. Creative Questions help so much. I wish I’d had access to them back in the day.

I used a rubber band on my wrist. The instant I noticed I had starting thinking “those” thoughts, I would snap the rubber band and think thoughts that made me feel good. In the very very beginning, I would also say, “Stop!” out loud while I snapped that band. Psychologists call it

extinguishing behavior, and I am so glad.

Worry always feels like I’m doing something. It’s insidious. Guilt often makes me feel like I can’t do enough, and fear, like I can’t do anything. Lies, all lies.

Now, I’m not saying that we should never feel fear or anger. They are hard-wired emotions. We have choices. I have to say that there are been times in my life when fear was the right response, and got me out of some dicey situations. On the other hand, I mislearned to go to fear in a lot of situations where it was not my best choice, likewise with anger. With practice, I learned to recognize the feelings in their infancy, and can often release them with just a good, deep breath and some awareness. How nice is that!

When I make feeling peace rather than worry a priority, when I treat it like learning to play the piano or speak a foreign language, and practice regularly, my life gets easier. I have more energy, more joy. I’d say that’s worth it.

How have I changed from feeling lies to knowing I’m innocent?

(c) 2014 Pam Guthrie all rights reserved 02012014