Connecting Our Gifts

Connecting Our Gifts

How do I feel when I am significant? How do I feel when I am valuable? How do I feel when I am a contribution?

Belonging to our communities, feeling a part of something, is critical to our sense of well being. It’s one of five things; spirituality, social, career, physical, and material. When we have those things going pretty well, we feel great. When any one of them is out of whack, so are we.

Back when, I felt like I had to be a loner. I didn’t feel comfortable around you. I had some rotten, secret stuff happening to me, that was also secret from me, and so I felt like a freak. Hard to fit in when you don’t know who you are.

So, I made my big vow that I would be happy, and started to change things, and bit by bit, I found communities, groups of friends, people I could talk with, places where I felt comfortable, at least to rest, if not comfortable to be me. And I found good teachers.

Those groups changed as I changed, cleaned up, so to speak, as I cleaned up, and got healthier and happier as I got healthier and happier. And I started to feel like I contributed something to them, rather than just taking.

I tells ya, that was a huge moment for me, the first time I realized that my presence had made a difference for someone else. It was another thing that was a secret from me, pretty much until that moment, the fact that I could make a difference.

How do I matter? What makes me count? Why do I feel important?

When I felt like a misfit, I also felt angry at you for being a jerk, and at me for being a freak. When I felt like a misfit, I also felt ashamed that I was a freak, and that I was so repellent.

When I felt like a misfit, I also felt like the only thing that could relieve my discomfort was oblivion, so I developed a relationship with mood altering substances. I had seen a lot of people do that, so it seemed like a good idea, but it really didn’t help, and made a lot of stuff worse.

I had to unchoose my old way of doing almost everything, and correct the mislearnings. It took me a while, but whoa, Nelly! it was worth it.

How do I know I am a gift? Why do I value my contribution? What makes me feel connected?

Unchoosing our old ways that don’t make us feel better is worth it. Unchoosing our old ways that leave us feeling bad about ourselves is worth it. Unchoosing habits that make us feel ashamed or angry is worth it. We are worth the effort it takes to make the changes we want. We don’t need to do anything overnight, so to speak. It took me a while to get here, and it may take me a while to get where I want to go.

My personal example is around my weight. I didn’t gain it fast, and every time I lost it fast, I gained back more. Now I am losing it slowly. I “rest” after a few pounds and pay attention to my feelings. Often I find that I have something attached to a specific weight. Perhaps it is fear, or anger, or grief. When I address those experiences, and integrate them, I can move on from that number down to the next. It may be slow, but it sure is clean.

How have I changed from feeling like a nuthin to feeling how much I matter?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 04082014

How do you feel when you matter? What makes you valuable? How do you know you are a gift? If you like what you find here, please + and share. Thanks.