Forgive Me, Again

Forgive Me, Again

One of the greatest blessings of being a grownup is feeling free. Free from resentments, free from fretting, free from being stuck in a bad mood. Free from a whole lotta stuff.

As I take responsibility for my stuff, I have the power to change things. Sometimes I can’t seem to  change the outside aspect, but I can always change my inside aspect. One of the things I have the power to do is forgive.

A curious thing about forgiveness; in some cases, I can do it all at once, and it’s done. In other cases, I may have to forgive again and again before I can really let it go. I know I’ve succeeded when the memory of the situation doesn’t fire up a lot of emotion.

I was surprised yesterday to find that I still had some stuff that I needed to forgive, for at least the third time.

In order to forgive, I have to do some stuff.

I need to remember that I am not ‘justified’ in  feeling resentment, or anger, or hurt, that those are feelings that eat me up. I need to remember that my natural state is soul-happy, and when I am feeling resentment, or anger,or hurt, for example, I am off-path.

Why do I choose to be free? Why am I happy? What makes me feel uplifted?

I need to remember that compassion serves me and resentment consumes me.

How am I compassionate? Why am I a caring person? What makes me let go?

I need to remember that we all make the best decisions we can make at the time, and that my hating on you for your decision only really hurts me. Unless I think revenge is a good idea, and it never is.

I need to remember that we are all at different points in our growing up, and while I am more grown up than some people, there are also some people more grown up than I. I want to emulate those grownupper grownups, and model good behavior for the others.

I need to remember that I also deserve forgiveness, and might wanna do that from time to time if I find me riding myself about stuff, or feeling crappy and spewing it, or whatever the case might be.

Sometimes, I can find a silver lining in a situation. Not always, but it sure pays to look. Sometimes, that silver lining may be that I learn something about me, or maybe about you. Sometimes, I may learn that you might not be someone whom I can consider trustworthy. Knowing that, I will stop trying to change you and getting hurt, and can accept you as you are, something we really do want to do with everyone.

It will always help when I can accept the how-it-is of a situation, rather than thinking it should be some other way. Once I do that, I am back in a place of my personal strength and power. And I can forgive again.

How have I changed from harboring hurts and resentments to enjoying the freedom of forgiveness?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 04142014