Whatcha Doin’?

Whatcha Doin’?

I am going to lay a hard truth on you. If you want to leave now, I will understand, and I will not take it personally.

We are, each of us, living the  life of our choosing.

Ow ow ow! Stop throwing stuff at me! Let me explain!

"It is our choices, Harry, that show what  we truly are, far more than our abilities."  - Albus Dumbledore in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.

When we are living a life of strife, of drama, and suffering, and hardship, we are most likely choosing it unconsciously. We are not at fault here. We are not to blame.

Why can I choose? Why am I strong? Why am I competent? Why am I capable? What makes me proud of myself?

We may want to ask ourselves why we are choosing it. We may want to notice if there are elements that we like. Perhaps we find the drama fun, for all it’s high cost. Perhaps we kind of enjoy thinking that people feeling sorry for us. Perhaps the suffering feels like we deserve it as punishment for something. Perhaps the physical pain helps balance out our emotional pain. Not that those are ever my elements, you understand. I, uh, read about ‘em in a book.

When we like icky elements like that, we usually have something happening under the surface that we do like. We call it “secondary gains,” and discovering what those secondary gains are will make a huge difference for us for the simple reason that we can shift their vibrations up higher, and get our needs met without the ick.

For example, the secondary gain was attention: I would rather people find me an inspiration that feel sorry for me. The secondary gain was an emo charge: I would rather enjoy low cost weather drama than high cost emotional drama. The secondary gain was a sense of justice: I would rather address my sense of guilt, and make amends, than punish myself.The secondary gain was feeling internal stability:  I would rather work through my emotional pain than cut, or have migraines, digestive issues, suicidal thoughts, and so on.

I know that this takes a lot of courage, just so you know, to look ourselves full in the face. We deserve the respect we show ourselves to clean up our act. We don’t always have to go all the way back to the inception of the mislearning, although that is certainly the most efficient way, but we do want to pay enough attention to ourselves to see our patterns and start to bust ‘em up, and feel the feelings as they come up. There are a thousand thousand ways to do this, we just need to try them on until we find the ones that work best for us.

And we need to pay attention to the Creative Questions we are asking. I get the results I ask for, so identifying the bad questions, and changing them to good ones, will help me a lot.

How have I changed from living a life I don’t like to loving the life I live?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 04182014

I know this is a big one. Take a deep breath, remember it's not your fault, just your responsibility. 
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