Ew! Toxic!

Ew! Toxic!

Stop it. Stop it right now. 

Stop all that struggling. Stop pretending you can control stuff. Stop fighting. Stop planning your misery. Stop anticipating horrible outcomes. Stop borrowing trouble. Your toxic habit is hurting you more than you know. 

Your habit is hurting you more than your outside circumstances. I’m serious.

When I am all invested in my crappy life, when all I think about is how hard it is, how heavy my burden is, how much I’m suffering, what I get is more of the same. And then I spread that around to each person I come in contact with, like a cold or the flu.

I say stuff like, well I just have that kind of personality, I can’t change it. Or, that’s just human nature, I can’t change it. Or pain is fixed, I can’t change it. Well, that’s the habit, or addiction, if you will, talking. It wants you to stay stuck. It wants you to feed it your life, bite by sour bite. It gnaws on your spirit. It clouds your vision, distorts your hearing. It whispers to you that everything is bad, that your experience is bad, that your sensations are bad. Bad, bad, bad.

That voice is lying to you. Addictions do that. They act like they are doing you a favor, when they are really just eating you up.

Experience is neutral until I judge it. Sensation is neutral until I judge it. Circumstance is neutral until I judge it.

I am responsible for my life, and my growth.

Every day, every moment, I have a choice. Every breath, the question is, “Do I choose Life or do I choose my toxic habit?”

A wise friend said to me, “Only I can hoe my own garden.” I love that image. Gardens are complex. They require diligent attention. They are beautiful and peaceful and sometimes gross and smelly. We deal with the gross and smelly, and then we get back to the beauty and peace.

I am not saying to give up. Giving up and surrendering are to very different things. I am not saying that these circumstances and sensations are not intense, I know they are. I am saying that one thing we do have control over is our thoughts, and our thoughts make stuff good, or neutral or really, awfully, hideously bad.

What I am saying is step up to the challenge of taking back your power from your toxic habit. Choose to live your life in the light rather than in the shadow. If your experience is intense, accept it, and let it be neutral. Choose to filter for grace, joy, harmony, balance. If you need help, get it. You have this life. You are the only one who can change it. You are the only one who can change your thoughts. You are immensely powerful, you have the capacity, you have the resources. It’s up to you.

How have I changed from being crushed by my toxic habit to choosing to feel free?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 04052013