Those Who Candoo

Those Who Candoo

If you know me, you know I like to do stuff. So, yesterday, when I was doing stuff, I found myself wondering, “If other people think I’m busy when all I’m doing is stuff, what are they doing?”

I have had a long relationship with doing stuff. When I was a kid I called doing stuff I liked “play”, working on those skills we acquire by playing. I also did stuff I didn’t like so much, I called that “hate-this.”

When I began to choose happiness, I found that I still had hate-this things. House-hate-this was high on the list. As a child, housework was given to me as a punishment. I wonder why I hated to do it?

Now, I think of it as blessing my family and I enjoy it. Really. How weird is that! I also pretend that I am my own housekeeper, and the faster I get it done, the faster I can get on with play, except that pretending I am my own housekeeper is play.

When I bump into other hate-this things, I look for the purpose, or my reasons, for doing it. I am not made to do things as punishment anymore, so I can usually find a good reason to do something.

I like the feeling of purpose. I like the feeling of satisfaction I get when I finish something. That’s why I like to make stuff.

I like the feeling I get when I learn something. Right now, that means I’m taking two classes, one for my brain, one for the rest of me.

I like to share my knowledge, so I teach, here, of course, but out in the world, too.

So here’s the thing. I am always doing something, even if I’m just sitting and staring into space. It’s my responsibility to decide what I’m going to do, and how I will do it.

When I choose to be aware, it’s way easier to notice what I’m doing. It’s easier to choose what I want to do. Because, if I’m not careful, I can get totally absorbed by something I might not actually have chosen to spend a couple hours on,*cough video games cough.*

When I choose my activities, when I choose what I’m going to do, the other cool thing that happens is that I find I have the energy to do it. Wanting to be doing what I’m doing produces the juice I need to get it done.

It sure didn’t used to be like that. It used to be that I worked three jobs, from 10:00 in the morning until 2:00 AM or even later. Busy. Too busy to be around anyone. Too busy to notice how bad I felt. Too busy hiding from my life. Too tired to notice I was hiding. My teacher at the time helped me to notice. She helped me to decide to start choosing, and I gave up the three jobs for one that paid twice as much with awesome benefits. She helped me choose to start playing again, to start spending time with you again, to come out of hiding as start living my life again. Phew, what a relief!

How have I changed from avoiding my life to living it to the fullest?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 04152013