Forgiveness, Doubt, Patience, and Tolerance

Forgiveness, Doubt, Patience, and Tolerance

Back in the dark ages, I went to treatment and did my first moral inventory. They had given me a booklet to use, but I found that for me, it was kind of backwards. They had “patience” and “tolerance” in the list of good qualities, but they had not been good for me. Anyone who has been in an abusive relationship knows that part of what keeps you there is patience and tolerance.

When I gave my little moral inventory to the guy, he was surprised. Aren’t tolerance and patience always good? Isn’t forgiveness always good? Isn’t doubt always bad?

Always and never are tricksters. I try to avoid them, like those mean kids up the street who act like your friend so they can trip you up and mock you.

So here’s some of what I’ve learned about these four things.

Tolerance, per the dictionary, is the ability to endure pain and hardship.

Patience is the bearing of pains or trials without complaint.

Forgiveness is the giving up of resentment.

Doubt is to consider something unlikely or to distrust.

They all seem good as they are, but they will turn on you of you aren’t paying attention.

Tolerating abusive or otherwise bad situations our own, or other’s, patiently waiting for someone else to change their bad or disrespectful behavior, rehearsing all the wrongs done us over and over in the name of forgiveness without ever letting them go, refusing to doubt beliefs that don’t support our well being.

See what I mean? Solid gold coyote tricksters.

We have two crazy-powerful gifts. One is the ability to look at ourselves. We can look at our lives with a certain objectivity. We can even see things we may not like, about ourselves, about those around us, about how our lives go.

The second is that we can change our behavior. It may take becoming intolerant of our own, or someone else’s behavior. It may take letting go resentments, or doubting and changing our beliefs, sometimes it requires turning our world upside down, only to discover that it had been upside down for years and that we’ve now corrected it.

Changing our behavior can, and often will, change our circumstances and environment. Changing it with love and respect will make it smoother, easier, and more fun. Deciding, and then acting on that decision is an act of power and courage. The more we notice our own acts of power and courage, of love, of respect, of kindness, the more deeply we move into our natural lives. Then, we find that happiness, joy, satisfaction, connection and so much more are our normal, and the tricksters find it hard to trick us.

How have I changed from duping myself to seeing clearly and choosing the way I want to go?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 04272013