Finding Spirit

Finding Spirit

I don’t know about you, but I’ve never found a good, solid, clear definition of spirituality. I am not religious per se, but I do have spiritual feelings. Sorting out my ideas about my spirituality has been like the story of the seven blind men trying to describe an elephant; an elephant is like a rope, an elephant is like a tree, like the side of a hut, like the leaf of a banana tree; the tail, the leg, the body, the ear.

So I feel my way along, gleaning a little information here, a little more understanding there. I use my heart to feel my way.  

For me, being spiritual has several parts. Part one is recognizing the brilliance of nature. Spotting the golden ration out in the world, watching the results of our planet turning, listening to the birdies chattering, checking out a snowflake, or a stone. Why do I slow down and see? Why can I hear?

Part two is noticing my beliefs. Once I’ve identified a belief, I check it out and see how it fits with my primary commandment: Be excellent to each other. Since I am an “other” for someone, I figure that puts me in there, too. So I look for beliefs that diminish me, or you, and then set about changing them. Why am I good to myself? What makes me compassionate?

Part three is noticing my attitude. Oh, man, I used to hate that line, “You need to change your attitude, Missy!” I think it was the “Missy” that was like a poke in the chest and would get me all riled up. On the other hand, they were right, and eventually I did. And I do. I’ve learned that my day sucks only when I let it suck.

When I let myself relax out and away from my knee-jerk-y, negative emotional judgments, when I can relax away from worry and fear and anger, when I soften into my natural life, I see your good heart. I see your challenges and feel compassion and can find respect. When I feel compassion and respect for you, our relationship shifts. You don’t have to do a thing. It's like adding a paperclip to an element in a mobile -- everything has to shift to accommodate that little change.

So, my spiritual practice consists of being aware of my insides and outsides most of the time. Of noticing crappy beliefs that don’t support my prime directive, and change ‘em. Of noticing my attitude and changing it as needed. I meditate, I practice qigong, and I practice tonglen.

One of the ways I practice tonglen is to remember, “Other people feel this discomfort, too. May we all be free of this.”  Simple, easy. The point is that I am never “the only one.”  When I think, “I am the only one who ever blah blah blah,” I can bet my booty that my ego is running the show.

When my ego is running the show, stuff is going to get weird. I am going to feel put upon, or I will want to put upon you. I will bring all my worst stuff to the surface, and justify it all to heck and back. I will feel righteous. Putting you down feels natural to me in that state, because I am better than you.

Ew.

So that’s part of it, too. Noticing when I’ve let my ego-self take over, and letting go, relaxing back into my natural life.  And remembering that each person in my life brings me a gift of some sort each day. If I can’t see it, the failing is mine, and only mine, and they will bring it again to me tomorrow.

How have I changed from feeling a spiritual disconnect to feeling spirit throughout my life?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 11232013